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hypershade
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In what follows a brief review of the Samui nightlife based on a 6-day rampage last month. Most of you know the Clitcommander’s criteria: stunning yet eager-to-please women, quality booze, pumping music and a go-all-night atmosphere.
All in all, I was pleasantly surprised with the quality of the nocturnal entertainment on Samui. So much so I had to dig deep and dust of my Ibiza body-clock. A typical night would go like this: start at Solo Bar/Q Bar/Soi Green Mango at about midnight, arrive at Solo or Sound at about 3, pick up some appetizing sluts in the process, party on till about 6, go to undisclosed locations for very messy after parties, go home to shag/enjoy some refreshments, eat lunch and then go to sleep at around 2pm. (Or what RTB calls a quiet weekday.)
Before I elaborate on the bars/clubs, a small word about the island itself (although, admittedly, I only ventured in Chaweng and BoPhut). Since I had never been to Samui, I expected it to be an over-commercialized, over-built, overcrowded sleaze-hole like Pattaya or Benidorm, infested with tattooed Germans and their trailer-trash off-spring. And although Chaweng beach has indeed shoulder-to-shoulder resorts and a Burger King/McDonalds, the actual atmosphere is actually rather pleasant during off-season (which apparently starts in September). The beach is empty, the lodging is cheaper and the proletariat has left back to their shitty lives and mind-numbing jobs. Best of all, there is an even better slut-per-punter ratio.
That being said, there were still enough f***wits to annoy the living daylights out of me. In particular, it seems Samui is polluted with loud, bare-chested, pompous Italians. If there is any specimen that annoys me even more then fat, obtrusive Krauts, it’s boisterous Mediterranean riff raff. It only fuels my argument that the population of countries who start AND loose a war should not be allowed to leave their country for 10 generations. I am however, digressing from the matter at hand.
Due to low-season and some haggling we stayed in a very plush villa with private Jacuzzi about 5 mins from Chaweng beach, very close to Q Bar and Chaweng Lake View. The message being, ask for a low-season discount and rent a motorcycle, because the taxi’s are complete rip-offs. They don’t even HAVE a meter.
I will go through the venues in the order we normally visited them (i.e bar -> club -> after-club)
We mainly went out around “Soi Green Mango” and “Soi Starbucks”, all along the main Chaweng Beach Road (“the strip”). Soi Green Mango has Go-Go bars, beer bars and clubs. The quality of the girls is variable, but there are certainly some stunners/carnal gems around.
On the first night, against our own better judgment in (but because we had blue balls from weeks at sea), we decided to get take-out from a Go-Go bar. Big, big mistake. We visited Dream Girls and Club 69 and although the quality on stage was satisfactionary (with 1-2 stunners in each bar), the outcome was a total nightmare. We got ripped of at the already over-priced bill (3400 LT for each slut all in) and the girls were total duds: one wanted to leave after 20 minutes of shagging and the other one passed out vomiting on the toilet (from the booze, not a deep-throat).
My advice would be to avoid these bars at all cost. That being said, aside from the first night, the rest of my carnal experiences in Samui were exceptional, with some truly memorable nights in the presence of girls whose sexual thirst seemed insatiable. Freelancers definitely are the way to go.
If, however, you feel the urge for a quick, yet extendable take-out/delivery, the girls in Soi Starbucks are much more fun and much more reliable (ie you get what you pay for). We made some connections there on the first night and if you give them a call during the day, these girls will come over to your place like clockwork. Every single one proved to be superb value for money, both when it came to sensual capabilities as to GFE. 2K LT seemed to be the norm. The bars itself are VERY low-profile and you actually need to urge somebody to get you a drink, so none of that pushy “you buy me drink” bollocks.
Chaweng only really gets going after midnight and even the beer-bars in Soi Green Mango are completely desolated before that time – although the girls start working at around 8. Strangely enough most of these girls speak much better English then the same type of girls in Bangkok. The quality of the girls in the beer-bars is very average with here and there a 7. But yet again, and maybe I was on a roll here, their capabilities and their gusto between the sheets was impeccable. I obviously can’t speak for all of them.
As far as more stylish pre-club entertainment goes, the choices are meager along the strip. There is Solo Bar (different from Solo Club further down the soi), but the drinks are below-par and it’s mainly populated with the aforementioned Mediterranean mongrels. The drinks are slightly better at Mambo on the corner of Soi Green Mango, but a huge screen that plays very loud sports events nullifies any atmosphere the place might have. I just can’t get my head around people who come all the way to Thailand and then bunch their tattooed, sunburned, fat bodies together in a bar to scream at a TV. Damn, I promised myself not to get excited about the habits of the commoners anymore and here I go again. Beati pauperes spiritu, I guess.
By far the best place for pre-club cocktails is Q Bar. It’s a bit out of the way (5 mins from the strip on a bike, but up the hill from our place), but (to my knowledge) they mix the best cocktails in Samui (with an extra nod to the Mojito). However, the single most remarkable fact about Q-Bar Samui was that at 0130 on a Thursday it was TOTALLY empty. And I do mean totally: downstairs, we were the ONLY customers. Upstairs there were 7 people. Which is a real shame, because if there is one place that deserves to be packed, its Q Bar Samui. The interior is lavish and opulent in a recognizable Q Bar style, but more spacious and finished then Q Bar Bangkok. It has two floors: at the top, a lounge/sunset bar with a great view over Chaweng Lake; and below, the actual club. Upstairs they spin soothing beach-house, downstairs slamming funk/electro house. I will be back next week and really hope there is some more talent around.
For freelance action in Soi Mango, you have to be in Green Mango, Sound, and Sweet and Soul – all very close to each other. All are basically open-air versions of CM in the good ol’ days: abominable drinks (in plastic cups!), the same crappy 5 hip-hip records over and over again – but a sheer abundance of whores, tarts and strumpets. The talent in these joints differs from night to night, but there is always something around for the taking.
My personal favorite is Sound, both due to the higher percentage of quality merchandise and the progressive house played at the bar in the back (behind the pool). On all nights I was there (which was almost every night on every visit), the music in the back was top-notch, so much so that at times I lost interest in the sprawling meat-market around me. Another advantage is that Sound stays open till about 5 or 6, so there is plenty of time to make a calculated, lascivious choice and/or get smashed.
Samui being a touristy place, there is however a much higher percentage of Western tourists (mostly young couples and backpackers) in these places then one would expect in Bangkok. Most of them seem to have no idea that the Thai girls that frequent these places are hookers and it is always amusing to alternatively French kiss two girls and then look at the face of the white guy standing at the bar with his girlfriend of 10-years – eating his heart out, wishing he came alone.
Despite earlier promises, you’ll have to excuses me a short rant about the lower-end of the backpacking mob that straggles around on the Thai islands. I refer to them as “KhoSan Roaders”. You know who I am talking about: the penniless, flea-infested, flip-flop wearing, rasta-touting ruffians that flock together in places like Kho San Road and Koh Phangan. In Samui you can also recognize them when you see 4 or 5 huddled around a “bucket” – which is another despicable invention created by and for these bigots. A bucket is an actual ice-bucket filled with sangson-coke (or some other cheap mix) and 5 straws. That way they can all chip in 50 baht and get pissed. In my opinion, it is these degenerates that are directly responsible for the fact that people get plastic cups in clubs in Samui. How can a man enjoy a Stoli-Coke or a white Russian in a f***ing plastic cup? And why do they put crushed ice in everything? What the hell is wrong with real ice-cubes?
Anyway, back to the whores and the clubs.
Solo Club at the end of Soi Starbucks gets going at around 3am and goes on till 6am. On the nights I was there, they played hard/funky/electro house that was rather variable in quality, but there were numerous moments of pure musical delight. Solo (together with Sound) seems to be the place where all the bar-girls, freelancers and other hustlers convene after work/first customer. If you can’t find a companion here within 10 minutes you really need to take a shower. Quality of the girls was very good each time we went there with a couple of 8’s and even a few 9’s. The atmosphere is rather amicable and it seems that people tend to come here to generally have a good time – by scoring birds and getting lathered of course. By 4am the backpackers ran out of money from buying their 3rd bucket and the couples are already vast asleep, so it’s just the hard-core punters, party-people and sluts left. Just the way I like it.
If you are still buzzing after Solo, you best talk to the people that look most of their tits and they will gladly and lovingly tell you were the next party is. Take suntan-lotion, because it will go on till the afternoon and chances are you won’t feel the burn if you pass out next to the pool.
When it came to quality of music and an excellent concentration of stunners, the high-point of the trip was the Escape House Party at Chaweng Lake View. As the name of the place suggests, it’s a rather well-laid out and stylish decorated mini festival-ground at the shore of Chaweng Lake. Again the quality of the drinks was appalling, but then again, most people stick to water at these venues. For some mysterious reason most of the people at Escape had acquired a super-natural talent to dance non-stop all night and/or stare into space for hours. Needless to say water is the best way to stay hydrated in such an elevated state. Escape management had conveniently positioned comfy chairs all over the festival ground in case people became suddenly overcome with the irresistible desire to contemplate about the ontological states of grass, or mumble poems to palm trees.
The music was excellent: from funk to Latin to electro house, mixed quite skillfully (for Samui standards). And although Thai girls seem to be unable to dance to anything but R&B, the atmosphere reminded me of an early-days Bora-Bora – but with a lot of Thai tarts.
Since I started writing this FR, I have been back to Samui 4 times and it has not lost any of its initial attraction. Quite on the contrary. As was to be expected, I became a regular at Q – and I need to say I have actually spotted other patrons there from time to time. However, I really wish Q-management would enforce some kind of dress-code. Flip-flopped, pierced riff-raff are such a blemish on an otherwise first-class establishment. Maybe they could set-up a free shuttle service to Green Mango, so these rejects can go suck on some buckets without being a thorn in the eye of the rest of us.
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 10:17 am on Sep. 26, 2007
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Addy 007
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- great report on my favourite destination in Thailand...did you ever visit the Reggae Bar and the line of beer bars leading up to it...? There was lots of quality there too....
I'll be back in Jan, so I will continue my journey where it left off...! 
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Bangkok Women : Meet Sensual Bangkok Women
Posted on: 11:36 am on Sep. 26, 2007
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Abrak
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I dont hold out much hope for Q Bar Samui. I was there on New Year's Eve and the place was virtually empty.
The location is a disaster - at least a Bt200 10 minute taxi ride from the main strip in Chaweng. They were also charging Bt600 (two drinks) entrance fee. That's Bt1000 and a lot of effort for a decent drink.
The killer of course is the fact that Q Bar Samui will never attract the freelancers - they are certainly too mean and lazy to go there. And if you think about it that is now the raison d'etre behind Q Bar Bangkok - the place has been taken over by hookers and is now a high class girly bar rather than a real bar as such. Its an ok place to go to pick up a slut but not the sort of place you would take a girlfriend.
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 10:19 pm on Sep. 26, 2007
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MickTheKick
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Quote: from hypershade on 12:26 am on Sep. 27, 2007
It only fuels my argument that the population of countries who start AND loose a war should not be allowed to leave their country for 10 generations.
USA ? Vietnam ?
Strange theory, KidCommander  Start a war and win is good then, regardless of...
No, no, no, I shouldn't do it again... Beati Pauperes Spiritu... RIP...
Thanks for the great report on Samui nightlife. You're a wild boy... I have to admitt I would love to creep in on some of the undisclosed parts...
Btw. are there some girls on Samui beside all these sluts?
Oh no, again... Sorry I didn't mean it... No offence...
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Sexy Bangkok Girls
Posted on: 11:26 pm on Sep. 26, 2007
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hypershade
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Quote: from Addy 007 on 1:45 am on Sep. 27, 2007
did you ever visit the Reggae Bar and the line of beer bars leading up to it...? There was lots of quality there too....
I did. The quality of the girls at Reggae was not to bad, but the horrifying quality of the music caused me acute bursts of projectile vomiting. It was even worse then in CM on a bad night. And that says it all.
Quote: from Abrak
The location is a disaster - at least a Bt200 10 minute taxi ride from the main strip in Chaweng. They were also charging Bt600 (two drinks) entrance fee. That's Bt1000 and a lot of effort for a decent drink.
Not true IMHO
- As I mentioned in the FR, rent a motorbike (200/day) and transportation is close to free, and 5 mins from the strip.
- Away from the strip gives you more advantages then disadvantages if you ask me: less riff raff and a stunning view.
- Every time I went, there was NO entrance fee - even on nights when "famous" DJ's like Nakadia played (eat your heart out Glow!).
You are correct about the "mean and lazy" sluts though. Then again, logical sense for business has never been the strong point of these people, innit?
Quote: from Abrak
The killer of course is the fact that Q Bar Samui will never attract the freelancers - they are certainly too mean and lazy to go there. And if you think about it that is now the raison d'etre behind Q Bar Bangkok - the place has been taken over by hookers and is now a high class girly bar rather than a real bar as such. Its an ok place to go to pick up a slut but not the sort of place you would take a girlfriend.
I never had a problem with that: a well-designed place, with good drinks and great music, filled with gorgeous women who are available at the drop of...2K. What more (legal) ingredients do you need to make a night work?
Given the absence of sluts, I consider Q bar Samui the perfect place to bring a girlfriend. In Samui that is. In Bangkok, I would indeed go for Vertigo, Dome of V9 or so.
Quote: from MickTheKick
Strange theory, KidCommander Start a war and win is good then, regardless of...
I assume you never heard of satire? I guess its better that way, because it would be wasted on you anyway.
"KidCommander"? Did you come up with that one yourself, or did you mongoloid, inbred sister help you?
Quote: from MickTheKick
Btw. are there some girls on Samui beside all these sluts?
Loads. But I am keeping them all for myself. You tit.
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 9:18 am on Sep. 27, 2007
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ThaidUp
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I do not know about the Anti-Christ, but HS is definitely top runner for the Anti-Carnegie.
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Bangkok Women : Meet Beautiful Thai Girls
Posted on: 3:00 pm on Sep. 27, 2007
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Anhol Ding
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I'm not sure what that would mean exactly, but it sounds as if it fits.
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A lot of posts here, one just leaves to stand as themselves, because the words themselves and the intentions are glaring enough to give a far better picture of the guy behind the keyboard and the username.
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 4:09 pm on Sep. 27, 2007
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Wanderingsam
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Hyper,
Your report was interesting and helpful getting past the bullshit. Your need to shit on Germans and Italians and calling all the girls sluts just invited critism. Calling MTK a tit maybe made you feel good but read your own posts. Your attitude comes through loud and clear. Forget the PC shit, its narrow minds like yours that make the war mongers rich. By the way, no one with an education past the 5th grade refers to Down's syndrome people as Mongoloids. Your really are a piece of work.
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Thai Girls : Meet Active Thai Girls
Posted on: 4:50 pm on Sep. 27, 2007
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MickTheKick
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Amen...
And HS, never ever disregard that water drinking, ok?
It would help keeping a minimum level of self-mockery...
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 11:26 pm on Sep. 27, 2007
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ringthebells
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a quiet week on a quiet island. I think hypershade is gay.
where is da mojo??
rtb
p.s. nice fr, btw
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 12:30 am on Sep. 28, 2007
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