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Evil Penivel
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Writing about the Grace Hotel has proved profoundly cathartic for me and I'm ready to turn to happier subjects. But my glimpse into P4P perdition did suggest a number of ideas for movie scripts based on the Grace. The following is a minor literary effort which some of you may find amusing.
Thrillers
The movie script with the greatest commercial potential is Bangkok Bobbitt, a cutting-edge psychological thriller in the spirit of Alfred Stitchcock. It centers on a Thai woman who works the Grace, is driven crazy and becomes a serial penis cutter. Although only 30, she looks 50 because of the years of abuse. After a night with one particularly sadistic customer, she can't keep it together any longer and strikes her tormentor down with his hubba-bubba. Her mind snaps and she extracts a terrible vengeance. Using a magnifying glass, tweezers and a micro-scalpel, she slices off half his male member, then leaves him to bleed to death.
But the audience doesn't lose sympathy for her even though she's committed the ultimate crime against mongering. It turns out her target had earned a million dollars from child-slaving and drug-smuggling operations and had planned to use the money to buy a dirty nuclear weapon the next day in the coffee shop of the Grace. The woman unknowingly becomes a heroine by foiling the plan and stealing the money, which she then uses for massive reconstructive and cosmetic surgery.
Fast forward a year later. Because she had been in such rough shape, it took the entire million dollars to get the job done, but now she has the looks of a 25-year-old stunner. She still has to work P4P in Bangkok to support herself, although now as a top-end provider.
Here’s where the movie gets psychologically heavy as well as suspenseful. Her customers are now Western farangs who pay and treat her well, but she can’t escape the legacy of her earlier life. Her face may be beautiful, but her soul is indelibly scarred. Unfortunately for her farang customers, a seemingly trivial action triggers her compulsion to bobbitt. Any customer who puts a towel on his head to dry his hair after the post-sex shower reminds her of the guys at the Grace and forces her to relive her escape from the Grace. She doesn’t need tweezers or a magnifying glass anymore, but uses a pair of pinking shears and the Western punters are left with a serrated penis.
I’m not sure how to end the film, but maybe she could find happiness and peace of mind working for the coalition forces in Iraq or as an interrogator at Guantanamo Bay.
Horror films
Certainly horror films are natural association with the Grace. The main attraction for a producer would be the money he’d save on make up and special effects by shooting the movie in the Grace. No make-up artist could give the natural-born monsters of the Grace a scarier appearance than they already have. Maybe George Romero could do Coffee Shop of the Living Dead or Rob Zombie do Hotel of the Damned.
Here’s the plot line. To disinfect and clean the sand out of their pussies, the women of the Grace are forced to douche with an industrial-strength cleanser like Draino several times a day. This results in a mutant disease which causes a thick black substance to ooze from all their orifices and turns them into brain-eating zombies.
They attack and kill all the customers at the Grace, but are left ravenously hungry because of the meager amount of brain substance they find. Their victims also become zombies and stuff bath towels into their skull cavities, so it’s legitimate to term them “towel heads” without using an ethnic invective. The zombies from Grace spread all over the city and lay siege to the last band of intrepid farang punters and Thai BGs in NEP. The Thai army finally rescues them and kills all the zombies using tactics it developed for dealing with the insurgency in southern Thailand.
Musicals
The Wizard of LOS would be a remake of the classic Judy Garland film. A TG from an Isaan village and her family’s water buffalo named Toto would find themselves transported by a tropical storm to the coffee shop of the Grace Hotel. The roles of the Scarecrow, Tin Man and Cowardly Lion would be filled by punters at the Grace – no heart, no brains, no courage, what better and more succinct description is there of the guys at the Grace and all their tribe? The roles of the various other characters, such as witches, munchkins and flying monkeys, could also be filled with guys from the Grace.
Here’s where the readers of BKK-Tonite can help me. I’m not sure who should play the Wizard. Maybe someone can suggest one of the posters to this forum? I think a wanker who pretends to be king of the gods would be a good choice, but there may be better. He could have his headquarters in the Emporium, but other places are also possible- Gulliver’s, McDonald’s, the U.S. Embassy, etc.
Another idea would be a Bollywood song-and-dance film from the Grace to give it real cross-cultural appeal, with a title like Wog’s Up, Pussycat?, or if too sexually suggestive, Wog’s Happening?
Finally, “rags-to-riches” musicals are popular everywhere in Asia and From Grislyland to Disneyland, based on a group of women from the Grace who escape to America, would be a sure-fire hit.
Sci-Fi
There are definitely enough strange creatures and mutants for Lost in Grace, but the dialogue would be very boring. The robot would have the only line, repeated constantly throughout the film- “Warning, Will Robinson, Warning! Danger! Danger!”
A more promising project would be Godzilla Vs the Creatures from Outer Grace, in which the reptilian hero cleans up not only the Grace Hotel but the surrounding area. After making sure all Thais escaped to safety, he could turn his fire breath on Hell’s Alley in a form of urban renewal that means something.
Of course, Godzilla would probably feel more at home at the Thermae these days. In a King Kong touch, he could end the film by grabbing a girl from the Thermae and climbing to the top of whatever is the tallest building in BKK, but first paying her double the going L/T rate.
-----More to come----
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 1:10 pm on July 20, 2005
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Rico
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You have definitly too much time, but I really enjoyed your ideas to cover former movies and put them into the Grace hotel.
As you mentioned the costs of this movies would be very low due to the available crowd who would be happy to earn a few hundred Baht. Maybe if all the bros at BKKtonite would spend some cash it would become a classic B-Movie.
Although your description of towelheads is very funny, maybe thats the reason why a big part of the world is wearing this things and nobody knows in the Western world. If I will meet someone like that in a dark alley, I will try a look. LOL
Keep on with your brilliant ideas and your black humour.
Rico
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Bangkok Women : Meet Sensual Bangkok Women
Posted on: 12:58 am on July 21, 2005
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expatchuck
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Where's Thin WhiteDuke.
We have a prime candidate for the Lunatic Fringe Society in our midst.
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 1:00 am on July 21, 2005
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Socrates
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"It centers on a "
Ah-ha ! an American !
Now I wonder which US Thai based novelist you are ?
How's Stickman these days ??
Interviewed you recently ??
Yasu-
Socrates the Byzantine Beach Bum
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Sexy Bangkok Girls
Posted on: 3:09 am on July 21, 2005
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Broken Leg
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oi, soapcrates
Socrates = Byzantine?
Now thats Greek to me.
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 5:02 am on July 21, 2005
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Socrates
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Quote: from Broken Leg on 12:14 pm on July 21, 2005
oi, soapcrates
Socrates = Byzantine?
Now thats Greek to me.
Malaka !
http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/03096a.htm
Ephesus is in Turkey (Asia Minor)
Yasu-
Socrates the Bohemian Byzantine Beach Bum !
That is even more Greek ? Endaxi !
"Most rock journalism (Broken Leg) is people who can't write, interviewing people who can't talk, for people who can't read."
-Frank Zappa- Another Greek !
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Bangkok Women : Meet Beautiful Thai Girls
Posted on: 5:42 am on July 21, 2005
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Broken Leg
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Malaka!
Now I seem to remember from a holiday I had in Crete when I was 16 that that is a little rude?! and quite uncalled for.
I did have the fortune (misfortune?) to study history at school and of course I was refering to the seeming Anachronism of Socrates being Byznatine as he had died over 700 years before the beginnings of that empire. Socrates was of course an Athenian.
Beach Bums eh, Yasu. unless of course you are socrates.
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 6:20 am on July 21, 2005
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Golden Star
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Evil Penivel,
This is Academy Awards material. Looking forward to more! 
GS
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Thai Girls : Meet Active Thai Girls
Posted on: 6:47 am on July 21, 2005
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Socrates
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Quote: from Broken Leg on 1:32 pm on July 21, 2005
Malaka!
Now I seem to remember from a holiday I had in Crete when I was 16 that that is a little rude?! and quite uncalled for.
I did have the fortune (misfortune?) to study history at school and of course I was refering to the seeming Anachronism of Socrates being Byznatine as he had died over 700 years before the beginnings of that empire. Socrates was of course an Athenian.
Beach Bums eh, Yasu. unless of course you are socrates.
Malaka is used all the time and does not have the same impact as the Western equivalent ? In some cases every other word. You are referring to THE Socrates and not 'Socrates' the beach bum. A more famous Socrates played for Brazil in the 1980's, like a lot a Brazilian footballers he plays on the beach.
There you have it - 'Socrates' the forum Bohemian Byzantine Beach Bum !
Oh yes and please no references to Turkish coffee ?
It's Greek Coffee ! -
Thelo mia mpira 
Yassas everybody
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 7:05 am on July 22, 2005
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Evil Penivel
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Quote: from Golden Star on 7:59 am on July 21, 2005
Evil Penivel,
This is Academy Awards material. Looking forward to more!
GS
The conclusion to my movie list follows below, but first a request of sorts. On another board, I read the police had busted the Grace last night and arrested 42 women, mostly Uzbeks. That points to big-scale human trafficking, as the rule of thumb is such raids only uncover the tip of the iceberg. Can anyone confirm the Grace was actually raided?
Action films-
The Magnificent Seven Inches, based on the classic 1960.Western starring Yul Brynner and Steve McQueen, which in turn was based on Kurosawa's The Seven Samurai. In the BKK version, six ex-pat mongers (Brit, Yank, Aussie, German, Swede, Jap) and a Thai would liberate the women from the Grace. They would do it purely for the love of freedom and to raise the standard of P4P, since these women don’t have any money to pay them and are too ugly to f***. There would be a great action scene in which the displaced guys at the Grace make a suicide charge down the soi on camelback, waving al Qaida banners, to retake the coffee shop from the magnificent seven.
Indy films
These are the kind of films you see on the Sundance channel or at those alternative fil festivals. Grace Flashes Back would be a stream-of-consciousness narrative of an al-Qaida terrorist held at Guantanamo. The claims that U.S. military personnel had tortured him with naked hookers turn out to be flashbacks to his days at the Grace. In a profound moment of insight, he realizes his cell at Gitmo has a better standard than the rooms at the Grace.
Another possibility is Dis Grace, the cross-cultural voyage of discovery by a U.S. innercity rapper who takes a job in BKK without knowing he will be DJ at the Grace disco.
Because balance and understanding of other cultures are so important in these troubled times, here is a list of all possible scenarios for films in which the guys at the Grace could play roles as heros, unfortunate victims or even Average Yusufs:
As always,
Evil Penivel
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 3:54 pm on July 27, 2005
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