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Mr Dave
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In these forums, you will repeatedly see comments to the effect that, "I tried to give her money, but she wouldn't take it."
That seems strange to us Westerners. Some men are under the illusion, "She likes me so much that she doesn't want money from me." Yes, that may happen, but I want to offer a more likely explanation for most situations.
Tipping and giving of gifts is an art form throughout Asia. Westerners have little experience of that "back home". As a Western man living in Thailand, I've been exploring and learning about tipping and giving gifts. The protocol is very different here.
You will find other threads about tipping elsewhere in this forum. Those threads offer suggestions for whom to tip, how much to tip, and argue pros and cons of tipping at all. But there is one situation which is not explained, and which seems particularly surprising to many men who are new to Asia:
... A tip you offer is refused.
When you give a gift or tip, polite Asians will always decline before accepting. Most Asians will decline/refuse at least once. You will get more refusals if you are high status (rich, Caucasian, man) and they are low status (poor, uneducated, woman). Expect to get two or even three refusals. In the Philippines, three refusals is common, even between Philipinos.
They are certainly NOT refusing to accept your money. They are EAGER for the money. It is Asian politeness. They are indicating they are "not worthy" of your generousity, before they accept. But, accept, they almost certainly will.
For you to be polite in return, listen patiently to allow them to make their polite refusals. That is important for their "face". Then simply say, quietly, "I want you to have this," as you again hand the money to them. Each time they decline, listen patiently, then quietly repeat, "I want you to have this," and hand the money to them again - gently.
You will find that after the second or third refusal, they will accept your tip with a smile of appreciation, and - in Thailand - a wai. However, If they refuse four times, then something else is going on and you will need to re-asses the entire situation.
I hope this information is useful for newbies.
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 2:21 am on Dec. 24, 2004
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Hugh Jardon
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Thanks Mr Dave. Whereas not a total newbie, nevertheless, useful to know about this protocol.
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Bangkok Women : Meet Sensual Bangkok Women
Posted on: 2:28 am on Dec. 24, 2004
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PopSecret
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Okay, that's good advice and appreciated. I'm also curious what the correct protocol is for when somebody almost begs for a tip they don't really deserve? This doesn't happen very often, but I have had a couple cases where polite face-saving was the last thing on the person's mind and Baht signs were hovering in their eyes.
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 2:32 am on Dec. 24, 2004
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Vancouver Jay
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Quote: from PopSecret on 2:26 pm on Dec. 24, 2004
Okay, that's good advice and appreciated. I'm also curious what the correct protocol is for when somebody almost begs for a tip they don't really deserve? This doesn't happen very often, but I have had a couple cases where polite face-saving was the last thing on the person's mind and Baht signs were hovering in their eyes.
A cold stare works wonders.
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Sexy Bangkok Girls
Posted on: 2:57 am on Dec. 24, 2004
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bkkz
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Was in Camelot last night, and the waitress was holding this piece of paper with the words "Please give me tip" and I took a blank sheet from her and wrote in Thai, "mai mii ngern".
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 3:04 am on Dec. 24, 2004
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sanook269
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Unfortunately, in the one bar that has become my "base of operations" while in BKK I've had, more than once, two of the mama-san walk up to me and point blank ask for a tip when they had done absolutely nothing to earn it. It is so disturbing and highly offensive to me that I'm stunned for a moment and not sure what to do. The last time it happend the woman, who had not said a single word to me all evening, walked up to me just as the bar was closing, put out her hand and said, "tip." I looked at her and said, "enough." Paid my bar bill and left. Another one of the mama-sans, who has a better personality, has a habit of asking for a tip when she brings me the change from paying a bar-fine. That is ALL she has done, bring the change from a 1,000 THB note. Hardly worthy of a tip. Anyone have any clever ideas on how to handle this?
Thx.
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Bangkok Women : Meet Beautiful Thai Girls
Posted on: 4:01 am on Dec. 24, 2004
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Brocher
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Although I agree that some people refuse a gift (tip ?) when they really do want it I'm not sure if I'd label them as being "polite". It seems more like they're being "false".
If somebody refuses a tip it's usually when they do not feel worthy of the gift or they believe the value may be "too much" or they feel that the giver cannot afford to offer the gift etc., etc.
The "politeness" is demonstrated in "the way" in which the gift is refused not "because" it was refused. Just MHO.
Cheers
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 5:19 am on Dec. 24, 2004
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bimmher
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Quote: from sanook269 on 3:55 pm on Dec. 24, 2004
Anyone have any clever ideas on how to handle this?
Thx.
Well if they ask for a tip before you are about to leave I would reply check bin now!! Leave no tip for them and leave right then.
One or two times of this and they should learn that asking for a tip like that just means you are going to leave right then and no tip for them. This would only work if they know you and you are a repeat customer.
bimmher
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Thai Girls : Meet Active Thai Girls
Posted on: 6:49 am on Dec. 24, 2004
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Mr Alan
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There probably was a time when Thais politely refused tips. There was probably also a time when one was not overwhelmed by Christmas music and decorations in every store and restaurant in Bangkok.
Those days are long gone.
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 8:35 am on Dec. 24, 2004
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ColoradoGuy
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Quote: from Mr Dave on 1:15 am on Dec. 24, 2004
In these forums, you will repeatedly see comments to the effect that, "I tried to give her money, but she wouldn't take it."
That seems strange to us Westerners. Some men are under the illusion, "She likes me so much that she doesn't want money from me."...
As far as the girl goes, it might be best to cut through all this "you don't have to give me money" bullsh_it by putting the money in her bag.
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 9:41 am on Dec. 24, 2004
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