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Oaktoad
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Get a vasectomy .. then f_ck her all the time without a rubber and you can tell her, she just must not be able to get pregnant..
Bhudda must not want it to happen..
Bringing a kid into the world without any chance of a father is just plain wrong .. IMNSHO
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 5:28 pm on Feb. 14, 2003
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craigoz
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Arramsey,
I gather you helped her set up her business and she is truely greatfull and has a genuine caring relationship with you.
Infact she probably loves you in her own way and that is why she wants a child with you and not just anyone. Remember they can pick a choose just like us and she could if she wanted have another child anytime, but she has picked you with no strings attached.
A mixed child in Thailand and many other asian countries can be a form of status for her and will also have a better chance in life. This can be one determining factor in her decission to have a child with a ferang.
She may also truely want another child because she is a mother (Thai women are mother prone)and she has now decided it its to be mixed and you are the only ferang in her life.
If this is so, consider doing it for her and not for yourself as the father.
You can still love the child from a distance. She will love and care for the child every day. There are in fact a lot of marriage relationships that work this way everyday and I am not talking Ex ones.
In short, if her motives are truely genuine as a mother, then give her the child. You have lost nothing and she will only gain from it. In time you too may also gain.
Lastly, your life too may change direction in the future, you dont know.
This is not about choosing between the two women although morally you will have to decide to keep it from your current wife.
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Bangkok Women : Meet Sensual Bangkok Women
Posted on: 5:36 pm on Feb. 14, 2003
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ABC
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Sup':
I have to ask now. ÝI'm sure I'm gonna open a can of issues now, but here it goes!!
Where in the world are people getting the idea or notion that Thai females are more mother-prone then any other race??
Or that the western culture about "planting a seed" is any different then the Thai culture??
And how can anyone justify making a baby and NOT taking any responsibility on raising that child?? Is that fair to the child??
As well as this notion that mixed child in asians cultures are looked upon as a form of status??
Please?? Asian culture does NOT look up to a Ýfemale that is single and has a had a baby out of wedlock, regardless of whether it's mixed or not. Ý
Infact, it really depends on which parts in asian you are living on whether being mixed is a blessing or a hiderance. In Hong Kong it probably goes without notice. In mainland China, I'm sure it does not go without being noticed.
Sorry if this post seems very direct, but I really want to understand these type of thoughts that I've seen posted here!!
Okay. Time to get off of my soap box and let others speak!! ha ha!!
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 5:51 pm on Feb. 14, 2003
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Yurune
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Forgive me if I am wrong but I think a lot of people have forgotten Arramsey's situation a wee bit...he is Asian and he does live in Thailand as far as I remember....but I think the answer (and thank God that saves me typing too much) is expressed best in ABC's first post.
I could never have a child and not be able to raise it...and I think Arramsey struggles with that too....plus and remembering the story this maybe more unlikely, but the child could be used against you financially or to upset your marrriage....remember some women can get very strange after childbirth....and what may be promised before can go completely out of the window.
Don't do it....because I think you realise all this too....
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Sexy Bangkok Girls
Posted on: 6:21 pm on Feb. 14, 2003
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TaoHuaNgu
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Don't do it! Regardless of some of the more encouraging and sympathetic brothers who post here, there is nothing good that can come out of her being your minor wife upcountry... because that is what she would be. There is no status symbol in raising the bastard child of a foreigner - sorry to be so direct.
Don't think you will be doing her any favors, you would only be helping her make a huge mistake... unless this child makes you decide to leave your wife and go live with your minor wife! Then I am sure she would be forever grateful for this child.
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 7:10 pm on Feb. 14, 2003
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craigoz
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Beg to differ ABC and dont forget we are talking about Thai ladies, not Chinese, etc.
Nobody said more-prone than any other race, but that fact is that Thai women in general do like having children and in the current climate mixed children can be a plus, in Thailand.
Thai children tend to look after the parent(s) in later years, not like the western societies (we put them in a home and sell their house and empty their bank account). This is one primary reason for Thai's having them.
But also, now that you bring it up, I would suggest that asian women in general, are in fact also better at being mothers, than other women from more notable western countries.
As for justifying making baby and not taking care of it, try defining care and responsibility of raising a child.
Women are not complete idiots nor are they totally depended on males these days. You might like to think so, but they are not. They can love & raise children without us and they do so every day all around the world. They also do it when they get divorced, an ever increasing trend thesedays.
You must have went to a different Sunday school than me.
In the future when all the sperm banks are in operation, we as males may well be obsolite andsimply left to wank ourselves.
A child needing two parents is not an issue these days, and in fact few children really have two parents. Maybe it was an issue in the past and either way I am sure Arramsey would contribute, if he choose to.
Its all about choice, not moral obligations. Morals change with time.
My opinion, your being selfish, if you suggesting that she cant have a child because you just dont want it or are afraid you might have to take some form of responsibilty for the child.
I dont think she has not asked him to take responsibility, she has simply choose him as the partner.
SHE HAS MADE HER CHOICE AND ASKED AMMERSAY TO PARTICIPATE. IF SHE IS GENUINE AND HE DOES NOT WANT TO BE PART OF IT, THEN SHE HAS OTHER OPTIONS AVAILABLE.
IF HE PARTICIPATE THEM GOOD FOR HIM, THE CHILD WILL BENIFIT.
Now I will get off my desk, (I preach from a higher level)as I dont have a soap box.
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Bangkok Women : Meet Beautiful Thai Girls
Posted on: 9:31 pm on Feb. 14, 2003
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ABC
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craigoz:
Your points and opinions are valid and understood. I'm not going to get into a huge confrontation with you over this. We stand on different sides of the discussion. And that's cool.
A couple last points though .......
I still stand by my opinion that having this child in this situation is wrong.
I also dissagree with the Thai females in general do like having children. Which females are these?? The working females or the professinal ones?? Professional meaning non-prostitutes.
As for Thai children looking after their parents in the later years unlike western societies I will agree. But ... Ýisn't that why so many females are thrust into becoming prositutes to support their families in the first place??
And .... in ALL ASIAN cultures the children are groomed to understand that family values and taking care of your elders is something do.
And... I'm not suggesting that a single female cannot Ýraise a child. But ... in my opinion, it's always to the childs benefit to have two loving parents.
Care and responsibilty is both emotional and financial. If you can NOT do both, then don't have children.
IMO: This is why our social wellfare system is so screwed up in the U.S. And who suffers?? The children!!
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 9:49 pm on Feb. 14, 2003
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craigoz
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No worries, that what makes this forum work, different opinions and differnt views.
It would be a dull world if we all thought the same.
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Thai Girls : Meet Active Thai Girls
Posted on: 9:56 pm on Feb. 14, 2003
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ABC
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craigoz:
Good to hear that nothing was taken personally. Keep posting!! Have a good one.
------------------
Arramsey:
Good luck with this tough decision.
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 10:04 pm on Feb. 14, 2003
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Arramsey
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Thank you guys ,
At the risk of getting emotional and weepy - I must say that I am overwhelmed by the amount of genuine caring shown by so many posters on this thread . I really and truly feel that I belong to a great "brotherhood" .
I have so many posters to thank specifically that this is going to turn out like one of those gushing speeches on Oscar Awards Night !!!
ABC :-
Thanks for directing me to the earlier thread "Want a Baby" - and here I must appreciate the fact that not even one poster flamed me for not using the "Search" function and reading through earlier threads .
However I should mention that I did read through that earlier thread before posting , but I I wanted up-dated advice on my specific case.
ABC , I note all that you say and I agree with you 100% - I SHOULD NOT create life unless I take 100% responsibility for it .
griffin :-
Yes , I am sure that if I let her have my baby she will consider it a great favour - but since I agree with ABC's advice above I cannot take such a simplistic solution .
BoomARang :-
I thought that in my "Story of Nong" I had made clear what my relationship with her is - she considers me her husband , her son adores me and refers to me as his "Paew" when talking to friends , relatives and neighbours , she refuses to even consider another man even though I have tried very hard to introduce her to and throw her together with 2 or 3 very good looking , charming and reasonably well off Thai men , I telephone her twice a day ( more than 2 years running now ) , I visit her for 3 days at a time every 45 days ( more than 2 years running now ) - as you can see I am in at the deep end !!!
Thanks for all the reasons as to why I should let her have the baby - and yes I AM POSITIVE that she will never use the baby for emotional or financial leverage with me .
Jagsbb :-
I agree with you that I should be guided by my principles . But when we live in society we cannot be RIGID about our principles - we must temper them and adjust them so that we are fair to others .
Dave :-
You have been the most direct in asking me why I am with another woman when I claim to love my wife so much . I am quite thankful that you have asked this question - because it is something I have been mentally battling with for nearly 7 years now .
I am afraid to argue in favour of my behaviour by saying that man is polygamist by nature OR that I am helping another female better her life , etc. because I feel I would just be justifying what I am doing . On the other hand I am also afraid to terminate my relationship with "Song" & "Nong" because they have now become so emotionally dependent on me , that abandoning them would be the cruelest thing to do . ( Maybe if you re-read my stories of "Song" & "Nong" under the thread "Bar Girl Stories" you may better understand them and me ).
Nokna :-
Thanks for your very understanding and balanced advice .
Oaktoad :-
You are absolutely correct - bringing a kid into this world without a father is just plain wrong . However I cannot go with your advice of cheating her by having a vasectomy and pretending that I was trying to give her a baby . No , whatever I decide I would like to be upfront with her .
Craigoz :-
From your post I gather that you have fully understood my problem . Yes , I do believe that she is genuine and that she wants my baby for the best and most honorable reasons - and there lies my problem . My own value system says that I CANNOT do it - but I continue to have this guilty feeling that I am being selfish and only protecting myself .
Yurune & TaoHuaNgu :-
Thanks to both of you for your very strong and firm advice of NOT having this baby .
Guys , I am sorry for this long post - but I genuinely wanted to individually thank all those who have given me very valuable inputs for my final decision.
Currently I am of this thinking - The only way I can let "Nong" have my baby is that I will have to come clean with my wife in such a way that she will not leave me and arrange that "Nong" , her son and the new baby join us as one family .
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 10:58 pm on Feb. 14, 2003
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