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hzink
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Quote: from CiaoCiao on 11:43 pm on Jan. 23, 2004
Do not believe that you can put "too much cynicism and distrust" in the same basket as "too much naivete", nor label "too much cynicism and distrust" as "brainless". Cynicism/distrust, even in excess, is a survival/defense mechanism
I think for the sake of reality and understanding, we should keep 'cynicism' and 'distrust' in two separate categories, as they are not the same thing, are not inter-related, and are not dependent on each other. Granted, many people make that association, but so do many people about 'sex' and 'love', and they couldn't be further apart.
'Cynicism' is a good thing, as it often makes you look at your world more critically.
'distrust' tends to go overboard after a while, which invariably eats you from the insides, and isn't good for you.
Be cynical, and accept your environment for what it is - which, in the case of p4p TGs, means not everything is as it seems, but who cares...
On an aside, I always find it amusing to see people posting on these fora (usually, Stickman's), about their TGFs, and invariably how the guy immediately must apply western values to her, make sure she is loyal, forbid her to work, etc...
Guys, I certainly am not an old hand at the LOS (2 visits, third coming up), but I certainly have grasped the concept of 'mai pen lai' - in other words, "who cares?"
Harry
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 12:53 pm on Jan. 23, 2004
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Arcadius
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Cynicism/distrust, even in excess, is a survival/defense mechanism
So is paranoid personality disorder. Wholly destructive, even so - not least for the paranoiac. In practice, an over-developed survival/defence mechanism can be counter-productive to the extent it actually provokes the situation it is designed to avoid.
We could argue all all day about whether this is more or less brainless than naivete, but it sure as hell ain't very clever.
I'm not suggesting that T is personally paranoid, but the situation he describes - a very common one - obviously has paranoid overtones. Have one bad experience with a TGF, draw heavily prejudiced conclusions about TGs in general, then piss a perfectly good relationship down the toilet because your judgment is now fatally flawed.
Suppose the son hadn't shown up and T had dumped his TGF, as he says he was about to? It's perfectly obvious that the failure of this relationship would have had NOTHING to do with anything the girl herself had done, and EVERYTHING to do with the baggage T is carrying around in his head. Nevertheless, she would still have copped all the blame, and this would have been taken as further 'evidence' that TGs are a hopeless case. And so it goes on, in a downward spiral of ever more distorted reality.
The essential problem is that the very wide cultural differences make it very easy to misinterpret motives. I tend to feel that the "Mike and Noi" story (on the FLB site) should be required reading for anyone even contemplating a serious relationship with a TG. Go into it blind, with nothing in your head but a 1,000 dire warnings from guys who have personally bombed out, and you're just going to act out a self-fulfilling prophecy. This is a complete waste of your time - and hers.
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Bangkok Women : Meet Sensual Bangkok Women
Posted on: 12:57 pm on Jan. 23, 2004
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CiaoCiao
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Quote: from Arcadius on 9:57 pm on Jan. 23, 2004
...So is paranoid personality disorder....We could argue all all day about whether this (cynicism/distrust) is more or less brainless than naivete...
You are certainly right that we could argue this all day, because the argument in every instance actually hinges not on our conjecture, but on 1) the specific circumstances and 2) on the degree of distrust, either of which would validate one - or the other - argument.
But elevating the original situation to "paranoid" status to make your point is "reductio ad absurdum" - with a red herring thrown in. You are a better debater than that my friend.
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 1:34 pm on Jan. 23, 2004
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CiaoCiao
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Quote: from hzink on 9:53 pm on Jan. 23, 2004
I think for the sake of reality and understanding, we should keep 'cynicism' and 'distrust' in two separate categories, as they are not the same thing, are not inter-related, and are not dependent on each other.
Additional points appropriately made. But please note that I did not couple those terms but quoted the pairing from another post and responded thusly.
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Sexy Bangkok Girls
Posted on: 1:42 pm on Jan. 23, 2004
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Smegma
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I once had a friend who found his live-in girlfriend cheating on him with one his friends. The funny thing was this scene -as told by him: they were taking about things and he was slouching on the couch all depressed and sad, and she was standing facing him and she said in a non-chalant way: "Well, you should be happy that at least you know you that you are not paranoid; all your suspicions about me not loving you anymore and about lately faking everything are confirmed." She was bad.
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 1:42 pm on Jan. 23, 2004
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Ronaldo
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Hi Alan and all...
Many years ago I married my bar girl and she did not want to move away from LOS (yes, I was suspicious), but listened to what she had to say, which was amongst other reasons: 'I want to stay and look after the folks as I'm the eldest daughter'
So I agreed with some reservation as at the time I was working away and still often do.
She was true to her word and she did just what she said she would do, now several years later with the folks having passed on we both look after our kids (all four), and our relationship with its ups and downs is still strong.
The point is this, this is not in my experience an exception to a rule as many of our friends 'farang and thai' have strong marriages. So things can be OK, certainly there ups and downs, and if you feel strongly enough about someone some discreet investigation is well worth the money (I did), and have never regretted doing it.
Cheers
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Bangkok Women : Meet Beautiful Thai Girls
Posted on: 2:06 pm on Jan. 23, 2004
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Arcadius
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CiaoCiao
Pardon me, but that response if yours to my last post is sheer bluster and evasion.
If you have any worthwhile points to make, do so.
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 2:10 pm on Jan. 23, 2004
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CiaoCiao
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Quote: from Arcadius on 11:10 pm on Jan. 23, 2004
...If you have any worthwhile points to make, do so.
When you get off your high horse and admit to the points that were made then I will gladly make others.
Till then...ta ta...
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Thai Girls : Meet Active Thai Girls
Posted on: 2:25 pm on Jan. 23, 2004
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Arcadius
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CC
I don't want to be repetitious, but I see I will have to make it easy for you. Ignoring semantic quibbles and concentrating on the actual issue at stake, the key point I was making is this:
Suppose the son hadn't shown up and T had dumped his TGF, as he says he was about to? It's perfectly obvious that the failure of this relationship would have had NOTHING to do with anything the girl herself had done, and EVERYTHING to do with the baggage T is carrying around in his head. Nevertheless, she would still have copped all the blame, and this would have been taken as further 'evidence' that TGs are a hopeless case.
If it's not too much trouble, perhaps you could say whether there's anything in that you actually disagree with? If so, what? And why?
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 3:01 pm on Jan. 23, 2004
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Alannumberone
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brothers thanks for all the input, Tryc and Ronaldo prove my point that we can be our own worst enemy if we're not careful, Tpe does a great job and I get the impression that he is on our side. but it's also wrong to generalise, we can all accept certain differences in the Thai culture, and the rewards outweigh the downside you only have to look at tryc's reward helping his girls kid who was genuine he stuck in there even though he had had a bad experience before. he's not carrying any baggage, just experience. and Ronaldo he obviously loves his wife and family here in LOS these are wonderful beautiful people the like of which we will never find in our western culture. there was mention of Mike and Noi's story. I too shed a tear at Noi's story,
but not for the ignorance of Mike.
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 5:12 pm on Jan. 23, 2004
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