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Trevor2522
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Control
Stickman Weekly
31.10.2004
Relationships for Westerners in Thailand are difficult at the best of
times. The cross cultural differences are huge, language barriers
exist even between those who speak both languages well and
expectations of each other are often very, very different. But there
is one major issue that many Westerners seem to have with Thai woman,
and one which they are fully aware is present in their relationship,
but are often unable to articulate. It is often mistaken for
manipulation, but actually it is one of the very worst problems one
can experience in a relationship of any kind. It is control.
I don't know how the shrinks define it, but I would define control as
something like "actions or words primarily made or taken to influence
the behaviour of another." A classic example is when one person says
saying something like "if you do or do not do this, I'll do that" so
as to unfairly influence the other. In some cases that might be
acceptable, such as "if you stop the car at the shop, I'll dash inside
and get us an ice cream", but to demonstrate it in a control sense, it
could be "if you do not buy me one baht of gold, I will leave you
tomorrow".
And when Thai women have a problem, what do they often do? They sulk!
They clam up and refuse to talk about it which can have the effect of
upsetting or annoying the bloke they're with, or at least spoiling his
enjoyment. Refusal to talk about the issue and the implication that
they will continue to sulk unless they get their own way is yet
another classic example of control by withholding emotional support.
Thai women seem to be ultra jealous, especially in serious
relationships and they will frequently accuse their loved one of
cheating, even when he hasn't and there is absolutely no evidence to
suggest that he has which often results in the guy being forced to be
"extra nice" or "super nice" or in a worst case scenario, buy her some
sort of gift or perform some sort of favour, just to pacify her.
I am astounded at the way a significant number of Westerners, both
guys resident here in Thailand, and guys who come here on holiday,
seemingly allow themselves to be controlled by their Thai girlfriend
or even their wife! I have seen some of the most appalling behaviour
by the odd Thai woman in a relationship with a farang man - and I am
NOT talking specifically about bargirls here - and the equally
astounding way that these guys accept it. WTF?!
Obviously control is not a Thai thing and it happens to some extent
everywhere, but the extent to which it happens in Thailand seems to be
much greater than the West, or at least the part of Farangland where I
come from.
The moment you experience any such behaviour where control is an
issue, stamp it out immediately. For some women, this seems to be the
only way they can survive in a relationship. They just have to
dominate and they just have to get their own way which really is not
that much different from a spoiled child. I'm not a psychologist so
have no idea why it happens or where such behavioural patterns come
from but it would be interesting to know.
If you are in a relationship where control is an issue, I reckon the
only way to fight it is to stand up for yourself. Don't allow
yourself to be abused or walked over. From various readers, these are
exact quotes sent to me in emails about issues with Thai women which
demonstrate a situation where control was used:
She would threaten to jump from the balcony, when I left for work.
Approximately 12 mobile telephones were destroyed. (by the Thai woman)
I am totally confident that she would not have talked for days and it
took a trip to the rarn tong (gold shop - Stick) to bring her around.
What is most f***ed up is that it was her who was sulking in the first
place and it cost me money to fix her problem.
Now whenever one has some sort of problem in their relationship it
should be talked about, talked out and hopefully some sort of
resolution or solution agreed upon. The difficulty with this is that
it can be very difficult to talk things out with a Thai woman. Try
using the terms "psychologically damaging" or even a word as seemingly
innocuous as "control" and you will be laughed at, at best, or told
that these are Western buzzwords for bizarre concepts that have no
place in Thailand, at worst! You're gonna need a bit of luck getting
it resolved.
One symptom of a relationship where control is prevalent is when one
partner starts acting like a child, getting stroppy when they do not
get their own way, and becomes manipulative to try and get what they
want.
OK, so not all Thai women are like this, and it may be just as bad or
even worse in the West, but I seem to see this more and more these
days. Worse still, if you have watched any of the Thai soap operas,
you'll see this sort of behaviour from some of the actresses playing
those ultra irritating hi-so princesses which makes me even more
worried that some people may even see such behaviour as the norm!
---
Source: http://www.stickmanbangkok.com
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 7:06 am on Nov. 1, 2004
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JackRabbit
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JackRabbit present...
Whoaw !
Thais seemingly can act like their western counterparts.
But I say if that's going like that...welcome to Dumpsville population XXX + YOU ! Goodbye, au revoir, sayonara, vaya con dios, buenosaires...
JR
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Bangkok Women : Meet Sensual Bangkok Women
Posted on: 7:53 am on Nov. 1, 2004
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Abrak
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Sounds to me like Stickman is having marriage problems (again!)
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 9:14 am on Nov. 1, 2004
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MaximusNaughtinus
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I know I much prefer it when the missus gets the shits and goes quiet for several hours, then everything is back to normal. Its called peace and quiet, which would you prefer, this or the lovely western girl whinging and whining in your ear constantly for several days, hey call me stooopid but.
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Sexy Bangkok Girls
Posted on: 9:31 am on Nov. 1, 2004
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Kryptonite
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Who listens to what Stickman has to say? As far as I am concerned he is a f***ing idiot. His articles change depending on his owm life and how he feels from day to day. Nothing but a f***ing wanker!
STICKMAN IS FULL OF SHIT 99.9% OF THE TIME!
Krypto
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 9:37 am on Nov. 1, 2004
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Minder
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Kryptonite.
A bit harsh. I read the Stickman bible prior to ever going to LOS and I think it stopped me from getting totally burnt by the girls ( a few scorch marks and few 2nd degrees only). For that I remain in his debt.
However, I'd say as time and experience passes you tend to leave the world according to Stickman behind. Like Stephen Leather's Private Dancer he remains a must-read for Newbies.
I thought this weeks opening piece demonstrated his relative youth and his inexperience relationship-wise with farang women. That said, I still read it, registered a hit and no doubt helped his case for higher banner advertising fees on his website.
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Bangkok Women : Meet Beautiful Thai Girls
Posted on: 10:28 am on Nov. 1, 2004
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sanook269
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Minder,
I have to agree with Kryptonite. OTOH, I do have a print out of what you call his "bible." Have you noticed, however, that it is no longer available. S___man has been becoming more and more PC and a major fu_king hypocrite. He takes almost every opportunity to "put down" the "nightlife," yet look at his advertisers. Then notice that what he tries to pass off as his own "reporting" is, I think, obviously, second, if not, third, hand information. There is really no reason to visit his site anymore other than to read the various "reader submissions."
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 2:02 pm on Nov. 1, 2004
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hzink
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Yeah, I have to admit - while I owe the Stickman site a lot for my initial information before my first trip, the hypocrisy has been mounting as of late:
"There should be a well-deserved closing of all the naughty nightlife, but while I pontificate on that, do make some time to hop over to 'asianbabecam' and the 'ThaiTravelTips' girls bar"
It's okay, in all honesty, to take a more neutral approach to the nightlife, when running a site about it, but on one hand condemning it, yet profiting from it (or, trying to), is kinda crap.
On the other hand (and I'm speculating here), has anyone considered that he may be advocating more a reduction in the trailer trash punters, than the actual 'nightlife"?
I mean, let's be honest - there's plenty of occasions that we have all seen folks in the various locations that make you feel embarassed to be sharing DNA with them... The overly loud, drunk, idiots that just generally make a mess of themselves - and those come in all shapes and colors.
A possible reduction of that element would certainly be welcome, I'd wager - no wonder Thais prefer MPs to Go-Gos and Beer Bars... It seems discretion and privacy are far preferred.
So, there may be something to Stickman's attitude, even if he can't verbalize it properly -- or maybe he's just a pussy-whipped hypocrite. Who knows?
Harry
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Thai Girls : Meet Active Thai Girls
Posted on: 4:17 pm on Nov. 1, 2004
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jack attack
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Don't see a difference between east & west... they are both going to bust yor balls at some point. I agree with MN, would rather have a sweet Thai girl busting them than her western counter part.
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 7:33 pm on Nov. 1, 2004
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DSBones
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I think Stickman has got a point.
I have seen this kind of behaviour from numerous Asian girls in the past. Sulking and petulance is a common characteristic among asian women..much more so than in the west. Sometimes I pander to it, sometimes I ignore it!
Ultimately, I think western women mature at an earlier age than asians and have enough self confidence not to resort to this form of control.
There you are - one plus point for western women!
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 7:58 pm on Nov. 1, 2004
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