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ChiangmaiExpat
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I was talking with some of my students a few weeks ago and suggested, jokingly, to one of them that he should pursue a particularly attractive and unattached girl. His answer was that she had previously had an intimate boyfriend and now she would be considered second-hand (like a used car). Well, obviously, she should be able to find a new boyfriend outside of school, perhaps within a different circle of friends, but it got me to thinking. What exactly are the prospects for a woman who is obviously "second-hand"? For example, there is a woman who works in our office who is divorced and has a twelve year old child. Same with my bank teller. It is obvious that these women have had intimate relations, what are their future prospects?
I read a long thread on another forum about the Thai male reluctance (or downright aversion) to raising another man's children, so what happens to a single mom? What can she expect out of life? These women are not involved in p4p, nor have they been. They do not have a "deviant" sexual past, for that matter not a devient past at all; they were just unlucky enough to have married men that later abandoned them.
Just curious as to the input of others on this topic. Thanks for the insights.
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 8:52 pm on Feb. 16, 2005
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expatchuck
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Most Thai men have an aversion to raising their own children, much less another man's children.
Most women are on their own in this matter.
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Bangkok Women : Meet Sensual Bangkok Women
Posted on: 10:12 pm on Feb. 16, 2005
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Hugh Jardon
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ChiangmaiExpat
They always have the option of going on a Thai / Farang dating site. Lots of Western guys would still be interested in taking on second hand goods, even if they had a child. After all, lots of women on Farang dating sites have children too. The prospects of having a Thai girl, who is probably still streets ahead of her Farang rival in all sorts of departments, like availability of younger girl, prettier, slim, great personality (more loving, caring and giving) means that this is an avenue open to her. The girl would expect to take on an older guy, but they don't care about that. The fact that the Thai guys have this blinkered attitude in the first place makes the Farang guy look more attractive anyway. Add to that the general unreliablity of Thai guys in relationships and it possibly explains the number of Girls on the dating sites looking for Farangs.
My girl was from a dating site. She's unmarried, without children, but nearly 32, so probably considered an old maid over there, whereas of course, she's in her prime in Farang terms and considered extremely young for a 55 year old guy like me.
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 3:13 am on Feb. 17, 2005
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DaffyDuck
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Hey ChiangmaiExpat, how about asking the boy who gave you that answer if *he* has been intimate previously -- and then pointing out that he's a bad catch for that girl anyway, as he's not only badly used merchandise himself, but has clearly proven that he's not reliable in a relationship himself.
Then see what happens.
Dr. von Quack!
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Sexy Bangkok Girls
Posted on: 1:59 pm on Feb. 17, 2005
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Hugh Jardon
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No, Daffy. Surely you realise that when these guys become fathers, their daughters will be expected to remain virgins until they marry, whereas their sons will be encouraged to sow their seed all over the place. It doesn't occur to them that the girls that their sons are screwing are also other guys' daughters.
If the Thai guys were to treat their women with more respect and consideration, then perhaps they wouldn't find us Farangs such a good proposition.
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 7:08 pm on Feb. 17, 2005
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ChiangmaiExpat
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Daffy,
I understand what you are saying, but, unfortunately, I cannot reprimand my students in such a manner. Especially publically. I work hard to maintain an open and equal relationship in hopes that I can teach them anything. My job is to work against Thai rote learning and to teach creative thinking and problem solving. If my students shut down and refuse to learn from me because they percieve that I am insulting them or talking down to them then I have failed. I would love for their attitudes toward women to change, and maybe by teaching them to think into the future and to plan and consider all options then I can have more of an impact. Until then, I have to roll with their flow.
Hugh,
Thanks for the responses. That pretty much confirmed, or at least corroborated, what I was thinking. There really is not much opportunity. The women who I know in particular do not want to leave Thailand and probably would not see a dating site as an option. I don't know, maybe. I do know that the secretary in my office must maintain two jobs to make ends meet, but she owns her own home and tries to give her daughter the best she can. I admire these women and at the same time feel a little pity that their options are so limited. Anyway, thank you again for your thoughts and observations.
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Bangkok Women : Meet Beautiful Thai Girls
Posted on: 8:51 pm on Feb. 17, 2005
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DaffyDuck
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Good point.
Continue as before. Let them continue to be mysoginistic...
Works for me 
Dr. von Quack!
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 9:29 pm on Feb. 17, 2005
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cisco999
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Baggage with a single mother is unavoidable. Best to stay clear other than a bootie call. A serious relationship is probably doomed to failure.
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Thai Girls : Meet Active Thai Girls
Posted on: 10:15 pm on Feb. 17, 2005
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Hugh Jardon
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ChiangmaiExpat
I understand your position, but where you quietly and privately discussed this attractive and available young lady with the male student, surely there was an opportunity to have debated the situation with him then from his perspective.
Daffy made a good point. Why should she be damaged goods if she has been intimate with a man, but he is not if he has been intimate with a woman? You could have asked whether the girl should remain a virgin until she married and if so, had he screwed girls without being expected to marry them? You could then have asked him if he didn't consider that to be double standards. Perhaps this girl was persuaded into having sex by a BF who promised marriage and then he dumped her. So who is the bad person here? The girl or the guy? These are things that you could have discussed with him as a form of debate. Unless these guys begin to change their attitudes, nothing will change.
I can detect that you are a decent and kind human being and feel compassion for these poor girls that you know and like.
Not all Farang guys on dating sites expect their girls to live in their countries. I'm going to retire (probably in Chiang Mai) with my G/F in about 4 years. Why not suggest the dating sites to them. Costs nothing to have a look. They can post a profile for free and see what comes up. The one I used was Thailovelinks. They will quickly see from looking at it, that there are numerous other girls in the same boat as them.
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 4:00 am on Feb. 18, 2005
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DaffyDuck
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On a purely personal level, I agree with cisco - single mothers are best to be avoided for a variety of reasons, least of which is that any relationship with them is unfair to both them, as well as their child.
Changmaixpat - have you tried a immersive, or allegorical approach - i.e. place your young male students in a position where they would be forced to see a different perspective, and have them discuss it, without prejudice.
i.e. ask them if they have a sister, and if they do, ask them what kind of boyfriend/husband they would prefer their sister to have... listen, and then ask them how likely it is for them to find this kind of boyfriend/husband. Then ask them if they have any male friends, and if any of them hang out with girls/have girlfriends - and if he would want his fictional sister to date or marry any of his friends.
This stands a chance to turn the situations around on them, and might result in them thinking a little bit more about situations they would take for granted.
Dr. von Quack!
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 4:01 am on Feb. 18, 2005
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