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jetseti
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I'm not in thailand yet, I check my messenger to find this from her...
: today I go to work 22.00
: I hv somethings to tell u
: can u help my mom pls
: I mean I just heard from my mom she talk with my cousins when v hv party new year at home she talk about she loan money from peopls (not good people but he rich in my town) she loan about 30000bath for repair my house
: and now times to back for % of loan but my mom not work and my salary it not much yet and my dad (.............) u know I dont want to talk this but if u can help me pls
: but if u cant it ok I just let u know I feel bad about this case I thinking to much about my mom
: I thinking so much how where I can help my mom
: but I think if my mom no hv % of loan for him he will make bad things to our home to us
: u know v ask from goverment for help us to repair our home but they not give only they give food clothes many family get this problem and v dont know where v can find money v hv no choice then v choose this person
Ok im not rich look at my other posting-
http://bkkx.com/cgi-bin/forum/topic.cgi?forum=18&topic=320&start=10
four things-
1.) where I come from you don’t ask for help unless your utterly desperate--- “but if u cant it ok” how will things be ok????
2.) Borrowing that amount money here would be like approaching a lone shark, loaning all the money you could make in half year… how on earth was she intending to pay it back? Was I always the answer? Is this loan bulldshit?
3.) Why is the mum hosting a party for??? If she owes that kinda of money???
4.) If I help will this be a regular thing total erratic spending of money and me bailing them out? if I say no this is going to create a lot of bad feeling right?
where is this coming from? Is the mum trying to con me? I raise this post because have read lots of stories thai asking for money, I thought mine was different? Maybe this is genuine? Any thoughts.
Btw,
I have helped before because of the floods they had up north.
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 5:10 am on Jan. 4, 2007
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seajohn
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In my experience, loans between family (in Thailand) are paid back rarely, very rarely and very slowly, if ever. And borrowing from Peter to Paul is a norm. Often for debt irresponsibly accrued. You can't expect them to have a very thorough financial education when even a lot of folks in the West aren't too money-savy. Most often they 'live for the day'.
Daughters can be understood not only in their own beautiful right, but also as agents of their family which is usually supreme. Not that she's trying actively to cheat you, but just so that you understand the relationship. She may actually feel 'caught in the middle' but a good woman will shield you from these requests as your relationship with her develops, and she'll come to understand the bigger picture and the longer term picture. You've got to make your capacities and abilities known from the outset.
That's just my take on it.
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Bangkok Women : Meet Sensual Bangkok Women
Posted on: 5:21 am on Jan. 4, 2007
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jetseti
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im on the verge of just saying no… it seems so fishy. If she is trying to shield me from it (is that what) “but if u cant it ok” means?
I feel low about this, I really don't want to meet her family now lol
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 7:04 am on Jan. 4, 2007
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seajohn
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Read her message again carefully (I'm sure you have). You can't be asked to pay for people's irresponsible parties. That's what they do with each other. It never ends. Don't feel low. Set your limits and feel right. You probably give them something already, if not regularly. You're not a bank.
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Sexy Bangkok Girls
Posted on: 7:16 am on Jan. 4, 2007
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ColoradoGuy
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Quote: from jetseti on 9:28 pm on Jan. 4, 2007
If she is trying to shield me from it (is that what) “but if u cant it ok” means?
This is probably there because it is not a demand for money. If you give, it will be YOUR decision.
Your other 4 questions have answers related to the culture; not easily understood by us because we are not Thai, we do not think like Thais, we do not act like Thais and we have a different scale of "importance" than a Thais.
You helped before, she might figure you will help again.
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 8:25 am on Jan. 4, 2007
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jetseti
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Quote: from ColoradoGuy on 3:49 pm on Jan. 4, 2007
You helped before, she might figure you will help again.
and if I don't help this time? what happens then?
Starting to think only in Western culture would this forum be needed…
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Bangkok Women : Meet Beautiful Thai Girls
Posted on: 8:35 am on Jan. 4, 2007
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Ballsburstin
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jetseti
I take a hard line on stuff like this with my TGF, and we are still together after 5 years, and for some strange reason she still wants to marry me.
This isn't your problem, just say no. How do you even know the loan was for the house? How do you even know there was a loan? Fact is, you'll never know. I agree completely with the other posters here. Loans never get paid back, they just seem to circulate through the family and the village. I've given my TGF several small monetary gifts over the years, usually when she hits a milestone like graduating from school, or on an anniversary, with the complete understanding that they will never be paid back, and that she can spend the money as she sees fit. They are not loans, and even if she called them that, they will never be repaid. I only give what I can afford to walk away from.
If my TGF is a little short on cash, she will borrow a few thousand baht from her sister or cousin, both of whom have on any given evening, shall we say, guaranteed incomes, lol. She always pays that back, as these are small numbers given between family to tide over the day or week. She generally gets paid back for these too, though she sometimes has to ask. The analogy to these loans is a lot like one of the ladies at the club buying a dish of jumping shrimp and noodles, which all the other ladies share before going on stage. If gets repaid in kind as different ladies buy on different nights, and they share.
But it's quite another thing to dip in the "need big money for house" con. You are never going to be able to fix her family's inability to handle money, and it's a black hole. Acquiescing to this demand gives her and her family an idea of where your limits are. Don't be surprised that if you give (not loan) them the money, the next demand will be for a higher number. You're the farang, and you take second seat to her family. Such is the nature of LOS.
Now that my TGF is gainfully employed with a decent salary, she recently told her family that I stopped sending her money, as a means to stop the incessant, low key pressure for money from her. Her mom's reaction to that was: 1) He is testing you to see if you really love him and not his money; 2) If he's not testing you, maybe it's time to find a new husband. She's still with me, and has moved to a cheaper apartment in my absence.
In the end, it's your choice, but I wouldn't send any money. My TGF told me last year she doesn't want me spending any money on her parents' house (unless of course she went home and stayed there). She would prefer to invest it in her son and her own future, which she hopes includes her own house, no matter how modest.
- Balls
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 9:40 am on Jan. 4, 2007
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jetseti
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I feel better for asking here… this is an pretty alien concept for me.
Last time they said the government aid was not enough to feed her family so I wanted to help. I never even saw it as a loan. I don’t think this is a request for a loan either, after all if her mum can’t, pay she can’t pay… it doesn’t matter whom she owes the money to.
For the first time I feel I cant trust my gf totally as well…
If this is a con, it’s unpleasant to take second seat to her mum’s greed.
If it’s for real what are limits to her desperation? Will I wake up morning with her gone, wallet gone and anything of value in the room missing? Because I said no.
Things are not going to be the same either way. I dislike this side of thai culture… despite how I feel im going to refuse (I just hope this wont cause face to my gf) or change how she is with me.
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Thai Girls : Meet Active Thai Girls
Posted on: 11:24 am on Jan. 4, 2007
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DaffyDuck
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Quote: from jetseti on 7:34 pm on Jan. 4, 2007
I have helped before because of the floods they had up north.
First of all, she turned to you (or rather, her family has) because you have clearly helped before. In what context was this help? Did you initiate the offer, or did they ask and you complied? How much was it for?
As an aside, you do realize that this would most likely just increase (unless you block it now) once you get to Thailand, meaning that your 'until my money runs out' criteria could happen sooner than later... 
Great responses from many others in this thread - here's my $0.02.
Quote: from jetseti on 7:34 pm on Jan. 4, 2007
1.) where I come from you don’t ask for help unless your utterly desperate--- “but if u cant it ok” how will things be ok????
She, and her family, are not 'from where you are from', and very different criteria apply. She may very well be pressured from her family to 'get money from farang', and her way of complying is by sending you the message, and her way of shielding you from it (or, showing her displeasure) was that last bit of the sentence. Things won't be okay, but as may often be the case, the family may manage by borrowing from other resources.
Of course, saving up money, and managing their money is never such an option.
Quote: from jetseti on 7:34 pm on Jan. 4, 2007
2.) Borrowing that amount money here would be like approaching a lone shark, loaning all the money you could make in half year… how on earth was she intending to pay it back? Was I always the answer? Is this loan bulldshit?
You are correct, and that is where they got the money from, a loan shark - hence her reference that this bad man will do some bad things. Chances are that you never figured in the equation at the time the loan was made - rather, that it was needed for either a genuine need (repairing the house) or a frivolous one (party-time!). You only entered the family's radar once the situation got critical, and someone's at risk of losing their kneecaps. The reality of paying it back never crossed anyone's mind.
Quote: from jetseti on 7:34 pm on Jan. 4, 2007
3.) Why is the mum hosting a party for??? If she owes that kinda of money???
Dude, you have to ask? Sanook - rules all! Plus, she can hardly admit to everyone in the village that she has money problems, now can she?
Quote: from jetseti on 7:34 pm on Jan. 4, 2007
4.) If I help will this be a regular thing total erratic spending of money and me bailing them out? if I say no this is going to create a lot of bad feeling right?
The easiest answer to this is "Not Your Problem"
Either your girlfriend has chosen her sides, to be with you - in which cases none of what you do will affect this, or she will side with her family, in which case the same applies. The family is a powerful influence on a girl's life, but there are situations and times where their demands or attitudes will push the girl over the edge - I have seen several girls that have obediently given as much as they could, and more, to their families, until one day they had enough, literally told them to f*** off, and have broken off all contact with their family. Never a pretty scenario, but it happens.
Quote: from jetseti on 7:34 pm on Jan. 4, 2007
Things are not going to be the same either way. I dislike this side of thai culture… despite how I feel im going to refuse (I just hope this wont cause face to my gf) or change how she is with me.
Which is what the mom is banking on, I bet - that you will comply out of a feeling of guilt and obligation to your gf.
Personally, I have 'helped out' in the past a few times, always explained that the money is a gift (not a loan, even if the girl insisted she would pay me back), and always made clear because of this 'gift' she would not be receiving other gifts. I also made sure to be able to say 'no'.
Personally, in this case, I would stick with 'No', if I were you - or, if you really feel pressured by your own guilt, offer to provide a very small contribution (say, $200) as that is all you are able to give. That way, you could soothe your guilt, the gf can save face, and mom will still be in a heap of trouble.
Maybe you should really have 'the talk' with your gf, and ask what she hopes from her future, and figure out for yourself what you hope for from your future. If you intend on marrying the girl at one point, you will need to eliminate the family problems once and for all, or they will be a constant thorn in your sides.
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 12:15 pm on Jan. 4, 2007
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Sporadic
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Simple rule that works worldwide.
If you send money to a WG (any WG) it is a gift.
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 1:09 pm on Jan. 4, 2007
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