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Turkish
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The following appered in `The Dail Mail` newspaper England on Friday November14th. ( A huge double page spread+, including a picture of a Pregnant Thai girl `Min`)
Under the heading:-
"The Novelist and the bar girl." It's a tale as extraordinary as anything his father, the bestselling author D M Thomas, could have written. A respectable English writer falls in love with a Thai prostitute. Six months later, she tells him she's having his baby. So begins a remarkable journey of self discovery....
As a novelist, and as the son of a well known literary figure, I am someone used to the idea of fiction. However, the morality tale I am about to tell you is the truth, and in its own way more remarkable than any invented story.
About three months ago, I sat down at my laptop, opened my e-mail inbox and read a message from a Thai girl, Min whom I had met at the beginning of the year.
In faltering English, it began: “Hello Sean. How are you? I hope you are fine.” Then after a few friendly details about the rainy weather in Bangkok, came the bombshell. “I am six months pregnant.”
At this point, I stopped reading, I sat back, stunned. Then I read the paragraph again and again, followed by the whole e-mail, filled with its references to `hospitals`, `baby` and my name. Despite the pidgin English, the meaning was obvious: Min was pregnant. And that she was sure that the baby was mine. Either that, or she was trying to blackmail me.
Why should she do that? Because she was a bar girl, a go-go dancer – one of the thousands of young Thai girls who hook up with Western guys every year. Western guys like me.
I’ve always loved Thailand. Ever since the Eighties, when I first visited the place as a callow, feral, boozy young Englishman, it has felt like a second home. Something in the culture, in its mysterious indolence, its steamy, languid, golden-Budda/d libertinism, appealed to the pleasure – seeker in me.
Like the thousands of young tourists who headed to Thailand – many from respectable, middle class families like mine – I went there to party. I indulged eagerly in the bar and nightclub culture, but the one thing I didn’t indulge in was the readily available women, the go-go girls. Perhaps a vestigial sexual morality held me back.
But then came last January. I was 39 years old, and I knew it was literally and symbolically my last youthful sojourn to Thailand. So when my mates and I landed for a farewell tour, I have to admit I threw my remaining sexual inhibitions to the wind.
Over the following two weeks I had sex with a number of Thai girls.
Written down like this, in cold black and white, the memory makes me wince. My indulgent behaviour was callous, amoral, and repugnant. Yet even though I now cringe at my sexual gluttony, I have to admit at the time I did not see anything wrong in my indulgence.
Why? Because this was Thailand: a place where the concept of `prostitute` blurs easily into that of `casual girlfriend`.
In my mind, I have decided that such blurring absolved me. I looked on it as just a series of one-night stands; the kind that many single holidaymakers enjoy. Surely there would be no price to pay for my selfish actions – beyond the cold financial transactions. How wrong I was.
It all began that January. I was on Koh Samui Island, Chaweng Beach, a raunchy strip of pubs, hotels and hippie shacks. At 7pm I walked into one of the many thumping go-go bars. As usual, there were a dozen young Thai girls gyrating on the bar-top. Some of them had that sad, fixed smile of the long-term whore; some of the girls seemed to be genuinely enjoying it.
One of these girls caught my eye. Petite, black-eyed extrovert, she was wearing a stars-and-stripes bandanna. She was very sexy and about 28 years old.
When I first saw her being chatted up, unsuccessfully, by a German guy. Even though she was looking for company it was clear she wasn’t available to just anyone.
I sat down and ordered a beer. Within half an hour Min and I were playing the board game Connect 4 on the bar. Within two hours we were both on her motorbike heading back to my hotel.
By the end of the first night, we had dispensed with condoms. Again, as I look back, I can’t quite believe my foolishness and irresponsibility, but there was something about the night, something about Min, something about all those beers. And Min was very good company.
Although she was `just` a bar girl, as I looked down into the languid sparkle of her eyes, I could feel myself falling in.
I was cynical enough to feel wary, too. I’d seen enough Western guys fall dippily in love with Thai girls, only for the object of their infatuation to move onto the next guy as soon as the first one flew home. But my wariness was no defence.
The next evening, as I strolled down starlit Chaweng Beach, I kept thinking of Min – her liquid eyes, her coal-black hair, the way she laughingly drove her motorbike in hot pants. And I would seek her out again.
Two long weeks later, I started reluctantly packing for London. Although over the fortnight I had become very fond of Min – and I sensed she felt something for me, too – I was very sure I would never see her, or hear from her, again.
I was wrong. A few weeks after my return to London, I got a shy, plaintive mobile phone call from her (we had exchanged numbers and e-mail addresses). `I miss you! ` she said. Then her phone cut out.
Three months later, I received my first e-mail, saying she had given up working in bars and was in a `shower curtain factory` in Bangkok. She said she was ok but a bit lonely. I replied in a friendly way. And so it continued as we exchanged more e-mails.
By the fourth or fifth e-mail, she was dropping the first hints of a hidden secret: `I have something to tell you… I hope you will not laugh.
I ignored this at the time, not least because I had recently begun a relationship with a very loveable new girlfriend in England and Min was drifting from my thoughts. Then, six months after I had first net her, Min’s pregnancy e-mail landed on my laptop.
After the initial shock had sunk in, I poured out online questions to her. How did she know it was mine? When was her last boyfriend? How many other `boyfriends` had she had at the time?
I was rocked, perturbed and wary… yet secretly a little hopeful that Min was pregnant and that the baby was mine.
This may sound an odd response. After all, who would choose a Thai go-go dancer to be the mother of their child? But my past brushes with fatherhood – the near misses – had left a lingering sense of loss.
As I questioned Min, I found myself dwelling on these times when I had almost become a father, the times when my egotism and `bad timing` had combined to prevent my paternity.
I thought about the brief fling in my late 20s that ended in an abortion. I thought about the second abortion that my then steady girlfriend hah had when I was 34, when I was too selfish and irresponsible to know what to do, other than to avoid responsibility.
Most painfully of all, I was reminded of the miscarriage suffered by my last serious girlfriend, two years ago. This last instance had been particularly traumatic because, for the first time, I had fiercely wanted the baby. The miscarriage led to the break up of the relationship.
So, here I was, nearing 40, fulfilled in many aspects of my life, but also somewhat resigned to childlessness. And yet now I was possibly going to have a child – but with a Thai bar girl. It was truly perplexing. I was hopeful, yet also suspicious.
My friends were simply suspicious. `Sean. ` They said, `she’s scamming`; `this is for money`; `how do you know she’s even pregnant? `
They had a point. But naïve though it may sound, something struck me as different in `my` situation. There was an air to Min; to the way she wrote those gushingly inarticulate e-mails. Taken together, they suggested she might be telling the truth: that she might be pregnant, that it might well be mine. Or was this just my own wishful heart telling me what I wanted to hear.
Over the next months I attempted to examine the matter coolly. I spoke to a detective in Bangkok who did `private investigations` of Thai girls who had `ensnared` Western men.
His perspective was illuminating. He told me of the many scams by Thai girls. He told me of a ruse where a Thai girl would simultaneously pretend to be pregnant with about eight or ten foreigners: at least three guys would fall for the bogus pregnancy and start mailing cash to Bangkok.
This panicked me. Was I just one of a number of pale faced dupes sitting at home, getting anxious about a non-existent baby? Was Min trying to siphon money from dozens of guys like me?
Three weeks later, Min asked me for money. It was not much, but enough to tip the delicate balance of my mind. I snapped and angrily rang her up. I accused her of setting me up, of fabricating the pregnancy.
The response was fierce and immediate. Min sent me a dozen long e-mails in the next 24 hours. They were angry, passionate, fractured, compelling. The message was clear. Min WAS pregnant. She really did think the baby was mine. She also wanted me to know that, in doubting her, in yelling at her, in interrogating her, I was insulting the mother of my child. What kind of bastard was I?
I took the message, and backed down. Over the next few weeks I managed to more philosophical angle on the situation. Firstly, I told my beloved new English girlfriend. It’s hard to imagine a more shame-faced confession, but she was calm, incredibly understanding.
I then decided to send Min a little money, on the basis that even if the baby wasn’t mine, Min was still a lonely Thai girl in a lot of trouble. And helping out was, therefore, the right thing to do. Over the next weeks I sent Min about £300 (18, 000baht) – not a lot for me, but enough to make a difference in Thailand.
A few weeks later, as I sat in my girlfriend’s flat, I got a text message from Thailand, breaking the news: Min was in hospital in Bangkok nursing a 7lb 8oz son, delivered at 36 weeks.
Immediately, I booked air tickets and started preparing myself to look into the eyes of this newborn child.
My plan was clear. Once in Bangkok, I would arrange for DNA tests that would prove whether I was the proud and happy father – or just another deluded punter.
But these DNA tests were tricky. After half-a-dozen false starts, I established that the best – the only – option, was for me to do some DIY swabs inside the baby’s mouth. These I must then courier back to England, as no one in Thailand was able to perform the analysis quickly. So, on my arrival in Bangkok, I armed myself with a box of cotton buds and waited. Before long, there was a knock on my hotel room door. I crossed the room, my heart pounding. When the door swung open, there was Min- clutching a tiny swaddled newborn.
I went over to the baby and looked at it, trying to keep my emotions in check: the child adorable. A beautiful boy. Lots of dark hair, enormous chocolaty eyes like his mother, a veritable pout – like his father?
When I stared into the baby’s eyes, he stared back at me. Then smiled. I gulped. As I lifted him up I could smell the warm scent of his scalp. But forcing myself to be detached, I handed him over to Min and took the necessary swabs.
The next few days unfolded, laboriously and stressfully. It took far to long for the samples to reach England, and when they did, I was told the results would take at least another week. Yet more agony.
I had resolved not to see the child again – scared that the feeling I had experienced when I looked into his seal-pup eyes. But I couldn’t help it. I had to see him again.
Next day, I got a cab to where Min was staying with her mother and her sister and her brother-in-law. They all lived in one room, as far as I could tell: a one-room apartment in a humid, distant, light-industrial suburb of Bangkok. Was this where my son was going to grow up?
The family were friendly but cool: the evening not too arduous. But by far the bets bit was when I held the baby in my arms and looked at his tiny ears. Look at them! A miracle of miniaturisation.
Back at the hotel, another disaster. A message told me they needede more swab samples in England. I invited Min and the child over, I played with him, Min told me she wanted to call him `supashok`.
I got out the cotton buds. I noticed that the boy had slightly boggle eyes: also like me. I found myself thinking that perhaps we should call him something like Patrick. Something Celtic. Like me.
The next week crept painfully by, but at last the phone rang. `We have the results…. it’s not your baby`.
I let the receiver drop. Silently, I walked out onto the balcony, immersing myself in the warm tropical night: the noise, the traffic, Bangkok.
At first I felt serious relief. At least it was all over. But then… then the panic, anger and sadness kicked in.
Was I ever going to have a child? Maybe not. Maybe it was not my lot in life. But really, what did I expect? Maybe all the stress and angst of the past few weeks were actually my own misdeeds and irresponsibility coming home to roost. As ye sow, so shall ye reap – right?
Then came the anger. Min! I rung her up and told her the news. She was silent, weepily silent. Which confirmed my suspicions. So she did know!
However, in my heart I could not maintain the rage. Min was, and is, just the sweet-natured and confused young women I originally took her for. I’m glad she has a healthy and adorable son. Maybe I will have one too, one day, if I go about it the right way, properly – with the women I love.
So the anger and panic left me. But as I sit at home, back in London, I can’t shake off a strange, wistful sadness. I keep thinking about the kid, this beautiful wide-eyed boy with the caramel eyes. Will he ever know anything about me?
Will he ever know that, for a few minutes in October 2003, I was so very nearly his father?
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 5:17 pm on Nov. 14, 2003
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Turkish
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Fact or Fiction?
Or some fact with artistic licence?
For someone who spent enough time in LOS to refer to it as his "second home" and going on holiday with "the lads" his statement of " I went there to party. I indulged eagerly in the bar and nightclub culture, but the one thing I didn’t indulge in was the readily available women, the go-go girls. Perhaps a vestigial sexual morality held me back." seems to me to be BS.
Also to spend that amount of time in LOS and know the risks of STD`s, to go bareback the first night with Min (or any night) seems at best irresponsible.
The statement :- "Over the following two weeks I had sex with a number of Thai girls.
Written down like this, in cold black and white, the memory makes me wince. My indulgent behaviour was callous, amoral, and repugnant. Yet even though I now cringe at my sexual gluttony" ROTFLMAO. Who does he think he is trying to kid? Now trying to appeal to his so called "middle class" peers to give himself some credability amongst them and the readers of the paper.
"forgive me father because I have sinned " BS.
Here we have a guy who enjoyed LOS for what we all enjoy it for, now trying to get some credability (and money for the article) back, in his eyes.
Poacher turned Game keeper?
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Bangkok Women : Meet Sensual Bangkok Women
Posted on: 5:38 pm on Nov. 14, 2003
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GATOR420
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Regardless of fact or fiction it's a touching tale. I'm sure at least a fraction was fabricated or skewed from the truth a little. My questions would be who then is the father, and will he ever know he has a child? Probably not. Sad in all respects. This one doesn't appear to end with a happy ending.
-G
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 5:46 pm on Nov. 14, 2003
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Vegas
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Reading this weak, weak man's story; I realize I have more respect for the girl than for the loser who wrote it...even if he DID make it up.
It's a story without a happy ending that happens many times every day all around the world. But this "writer" knew that basing his story in Thailand with a "bar girl" as the mother would get him published and read. (Nothing like a TG to catch our attention, huh?)
Did you guys know that in America, if a woman lies to a guy about being the father of a child and gets his name on the birth certificate; he is responsible for the child financially even if it is proven later without a doubt that the child is not his?
An even sadder story, but you won't see a two page story about the cocktail waitress in Peoria and her sucker boyfriend. (Too many women with too much to lose if this ruling ever changes)
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Sexy Bangkok Girls
Posted on: 11:28 pm on Nov. 14, 2003
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Arcadius
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Turkish
I agree - those very same passages stuck in my craw too and wrecked the credibility of the whole piece. If we can't trust him about this, why should we trust any of the rest?
OK, he's a 'respectable author' writing under his own name in the Daily Mail. Difficult. But imho if a 'respectable' author dare not tell the truth as he sees it, he should have the grace to keep silent.
Instead we have a pert little morality tale perfectly attuned to the prejudices of middle England. And he'll have been paid well enough for it, so Min and her kid haven't gone entirely to waste.
I'm glad she has a healthy and adorable son. Maybe I will have one too, one day, if I go about it the right way, properly; with the women I love
Smarmy cant. Wasn't he briefly under the impression that he had a 'healthy and adorable' son even after he'd gone about it the wrong way with a woman he didn't love?
Vegas
I didn't know that. How is this law justified? I presume they don't just say expediency is all and equity can go to hell?
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 3:02 am on Nov. 15, 2003
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Vegas
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Arcadius,
I don't know all the details, and it could vary from state to state. I just remember seeing a report on one guy's story (the sorry bastard). It turns out that once a "father" is established, the state doesn't want to get stuck with the bill. Before DNA testing, I guess a lot of guys just never knew that their children weren't.
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Bangkok Women : Meet Beautiful Thai Girls
Posted on: 12:43 am on Nov. 16, 2003
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stuckinapub
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bullsh*t story from a bulsh*t newspaper
very much doubt the writer even been south of london let alone thailand
the mail is a newspaper that is to light weight to be a serious newspaper
and too stuck up to lower itself into the tabloid world
the demographic for this particular newspaper is upper working class lower middle class surburban people
its thoose people who can afford to give there child enough money to there children so they can go find themselves in thailand ?
watch out next article "drunk and drugged up brits going wild in thailand"
i am not sure but the story seems like a trink story I vaguly remember reading
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 4:30 am on Nov. 16, 2003
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nokna
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"the demographic for this particular newspaper is upper working class lower middle class surburban people"
so that's the sort of person I am.....
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Thai Girls : Meet Active Thai Girls
Posted on: 8:50 am on Nov. 16, 2003
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peterpan
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Nokna
I thought you were from the Times fraternity.
mail indeed.
But I do read it too.
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 3:37 pm on Dec. 4, 2003
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nokna
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i also read the Sun.....
but when at work, any paper laying around is welcome to pick up during our breaks.
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 4:35 pm on Dec. 4, 2003
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