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CalEden
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We meet Mr. Parrot at the Air Asia gate. We do the Asian fire drill routine at the que. The fire drill starts prematurely when a Thai approaches the gate to request something. Panic envelopes the passengers as they fear there will be no seat for them and perhaps they will have to sit on the fuselage like a Bombay train. We finally board, I save the seat near the exit with no seat in front for Mr. Kiwi.
There is one very hot flight attendant that I particularly enjoy watching bend over. Myself and Mr. Parrot spend inordinate attention to the emergency procedures since “stewardess bend over” is right in front of us and is the instructor. I ask her to repeat the blowing routine into the life vest. She does it rather nicely. It would be just lovely on Willy, dream on you liar. And that's the high point of the 7 AM flight. Everyone snoozes through the flight.
We get to the Phnom Phen airport and have to do the passport on arrival thing. Two photos are required, if you don't bring a photo there is a 100 baht photo fee. Mr. Kiwi paid 100 baht, I only had 60 baht, so the lady took that as payment. They never took a photo of anybody! Huuummmm I smell a red herring. I thought the photo fee Cambodian lady was quite sexy, especially in that uniform. I think she would be rather nice with a riding croup. I thought she liked me and only gave me the discount because I was so hansom.
Panic struck, Mr. Kiwi just realized he left his mobile phone on the plane. I have never in my life seen a big man run as fast through the airport, going through gates the wrong way. If anyone had thoughts of stealing the phone, they were hastily forgotten on the sight of Mr. Kiwi chuffing like some run away locomotive. The Phone was recovered in short order.
Mr. Parrot being an owner of the Tonle Sap Guest House & Pickled Parrot Pub made all the lodging and transportation arrangements. Now coming with the owner, I thought we would get the first class treatment. Being an absentee owner you would expect the hires to be on their topnotch best for this infrequent inspection. The car had not arrived yet, so with our entire luggage we stood at the arrival area, gazing at all the local feminine beauty, imaging she would be our first in Cambodia. We waited, and waited, and waited. Soon our yank friend Mr. Kiwi got inpatient, as you would expect from an American. I too was starting to wonder if Mr. Parrot is not the Grand Poo-bah I reconded he was, but was discreet enough not to bring embarrassment and great loss of face to Mr. Parrot. Can you believe the nerve of those Americans, well Mr. Kiwi kept the flag flying. Finally our host could not take it no more, we hired a taxi.
We arrived at the Tonle Sap Guest House & Pickled Parrot Pub, which is right on the river. I got a very nice room on the third floor (for you Americans the 4th floor) with a river view. The rooms are nice, recently refurbished, so everything is new. And at $25 US a deal.
Tonle Sap Guest House & Pickled Parrot Pub
The Tonle Sap Guest House & Pickled Parrot Pub is located next to the river on Street 104. http://www.tonlesapguesthouse.com/ The Hotel, Bar and Restaurant is Australian owned and managed. The establishment is very clean, up to western standards, and has been recently refurbished. The rooms and public areas are air conditioned. The rooms are a little spartan, very clean, have all new furnishings, all drawers and the closet can be locked (keys in lock). The food and bar are top quality and open 24 hours 7 days a week. I ate almost all my meals at the Pickled Parrot. Good food! Aussie steaks available. The bar has a full selection of liquors (large selection of whiskeys) and draught beers on tap. The girls (the servers, The Pickled Parrot Girls) are very beautiful (not good to go, damn!) are friendly, alluring, and speak fluent English. I could not make up my mind which one I loved the most. The Pickled Parrot draws many locals and expats. Very friendly and hospitable environment, your almost immediately a visiting expat.
Managers Graham and Matt are dirt bike enthusiasts and go riding all the time. They also are very knowledgeable on the local scene and are more than happy to assist you. There are many bars nearby that have ladies available: On street 104, next to or across the street from the Pickled Parrot are the Rose Bar, Zanzibar, Bar 104, Colonial Bar, Power Bar and a couple of smaller bars. Nearby are Wooly Rhino, Sharkeys and SOPHIES. I found the best looking ladies to be found at the Street 104 Bars and took almost exclusively from them. No starfish!
My first trip a year ago I stayed at The Flamingos. My new headquarters in Phnom Phen is The Tonle Sap Guest House & Pickled Parrot Pub hands down.
Straight away we retired to the pub and found a friendly, beautiful bar staff at our beckon. Now being 10:30 AM we don't normally consume alcoholic beverages at this early hour. But the siren call of the young beautiful Cambodian girls (Pickled Parrot Girls) we could not refuse. And the first drink of the ice cold Angkor draft was just heaven, I had to finish it immediately and order another. My god I was in love with the Pickled Parrot girls. We drank beer and met the staff for a few hours.
Mr. Parrot then announces that we're going on river cruise. I'm thinking to myself this is got to be the lamest idea I've heard of yet. This wouldn't even sound good if I was drunk. When is this trip over, it’s already going too slow. Be a sport chap and go along with it. At least he packs a large cooler with plenty of beer. So off to the river bank we go, boat shopping. None of these boats we're shopping measure up to western standards. I'm a strong swimmer but wonder if there are crocodiles in the river. Bargaining for the boat starts out at $40 US. f*** me but Mr. Parrot must really want to go on this cruise. Then he says he wants the boat for 4 hours! What the f*** are we going to do in the bloody heat on a shipwreck of boat for 4 hours? f*** me I'll stay at the Pickled Parrot and drink beer with the lovely Pickled Parrot Girls.
"The Four Hour Cruise"
Mr. Parrot finally settles on a price and a boat. The boat is very crudely built, long, had a canopy, and the captains family lived in the rear of the boat. It was amazing that the boat was even afloat. And we were going to take this out on the river for 4 hours. I was really starting to really worry about crocodiles, in case the miracle that was keeping the boat afloat failed. At least Gilligan didn’t have clue when his three hour tour started.
Mr. Kiwi was the first to attempt the steeply inclined catwalk from the riverbank down to the boat deck. The catwalk slipped down hill under Mr. Kiwi’s weight. Mr. Kiwi made a hasty backpedaling retreat, as the deckhand placed his foot in front of the sliding catwalk. Mr. Kiwi attempted again to cross the now steadied catwalk; with as much light footedness as a big man could muster, he made it to the boat deck. Like a coward I waited until everyone had crossed and the catwalk had completely been stressed tested before attempting the crossing.
Having over come our first challenge of the 4 hour cruise, everybody settled down at the table that ran down the middle of most of the canopied section of the boat. The first red plastic lawn chair I sat on buckled under my weight. I quickly found a sturdier lawn chair. Mr. Parrot served everybody ice cold beer.
I was surprised to discover the temperature was rather comfortable out on the river. The gentle breezes blowing across the cool rainy season soaked Tonle Sap and Mekong River created a swamp cooler effect, cooling the whole Phnom Penh region. Phnom Penh was much cooler than Bangkok, and was very comfortable during my entire 6 day stay. I last visited Cambodia in stifling hot dusty April, what a contrast. Because of this swamp cooler effect, the time to visit Cambodia is in October.
We enjoyed lazing away down the river, sipping our cold beers, and getting acquainted with each other. In fact the lack of sleep, the alcohol consumption was starting to steer our banter to the silly side.
We all snapped a few photos, gazed at the river side scenery, noted the numerous ship wrecks, and beached boats, which constantly made me wonder what kind of miracle was keeping our boat afloat. At the confluence of the Tonle Sap River and the mighty Mekong River the water colour turned a muddy brown.
The Cambodian Water Festival was only a week away. There were a couple of long dragon boats practice racing. I enjoyed watching the 20 or so crew members ferociously paddling away and yelling in unison on each dragon boat. The dragon boats sliced through the river current effortlessly.
We finally reached our destination, a dozen or so river shanties with large riverside porches. These Shanties would not be out of place in the dark moss shrouded cypress swamps of Louisiana. Mr. Parrot announces the shanties are restaurants, ladies are available, and short time rooms are in the back. Aah, so now the reason is revealed for all the effort, expense, and time. Mr. Parrot played his secret as expertly as any professional poker player. I had to laugh out loud to myself, I’ve been had! The banter gets sillier and more animated.
Our boat captain guides the boat past the riverside porches of the restaurants. Each restaurant has a welcome girl on the railings, beckoning us like the mythical sirens of Greek literature. Mr. Kiwi is assigned to pick which restaurants we dine at; the decision appears to be based on Mr. Kiwi’s lady preference/peccadilloes. I wanted another shanty but there was Cambodian party already in progress there, with loud shrill sounds of Cambodian music emanating from the riverside porch.
We tied up to the restaurant porch and carefully hopped the boat and porch railings. We were seated at a riverside table. At another table sat a Cambodian man with a rather youngish somewhat pretty girl. He appeared to be plying her with whiskey and coke. Shortly after we arrived, they disappeared to the backroom for a good hour or so. Afterwards he left and she passed out on the bed on the porch, in view of our table.
Word went out to the riverside population that guests had arrived and girls began to appear at the restaurant door. A boat vendor pulled beside our table and offered some old looking shrimp. Instead we bought bananas and some strange hairless kiwi looking local fruit which Mr. Parrot recommended.
The restaurant brought out for us to peruse a selection of fresh meats, poultry, and fish which would be cooked to order. I like my fresh meat and poultry preprocessed with all indicators of its animal source excised, shrink wrapped at the grocery store, and ready to cook. I do not want to see/or cut off the heads, feet, entrails, etc. This was a little too crude or Asian for me. I claimed not to be hungry and full from all the beer consumption. The menu was selected and I don’t do restaurant reviews.
Our luncheon dates were presented for our selection. I was about to shit my pants! f*** me I hope nobody I know sees me. I’ve seen better makeup on a Wringling Brothers clown. I keep my extremities firmly bonded to my body and only offer food. The restaurant staff keeps pouring them beer. The only one that looks half way good is passed out on the bed.
The conversation gets more wacky and paranoid. We’re laughing at them, their laughing at us, and then their laughing at us laughing at them. Yes paranoid, I wonder about butt plugs offering some margin of safety, and then see the fallacy of it.
After the Luncheon we’re offered some recreational activity. I declined claiming I gorged myself too much on that fine poultry and meat. Mr. Kiwi agrees to participate in some hacky sack with the local champ. So they retire to the hacky sack court. This is where accounts get confusing. According to Mr. Kiwi the local champ took one look at his hacky sack, immediately departing for parts unknown, and in cartoon fashion exited through the door, without opening the door. According to the locals, who knew instantaneously the results, could not keep from openly chuckling about the conquest, and claimed the local champ covered the points.
Having enough afternoon entertainment, fine dining, male bonding, we headed back to our home port.
Sophies's Choice
Sometimes forums take some of the newbie-ness out of newbies. Our host Mr. Parrot had another surprise experience awaiting to be sprung on the unsuspecting. There was some chatter on one of the forums about Sophie's and the long dingy stairway. Some call it "The Stairway to Heaven". We'll this chatter picked the interest of our American/New Zealand friend, that has some resemblance to Dan Blocker aka Hoss Cartwright of Bonanza fame (Mr. Kiwi).
In Pattaya Mr. Kiwi started asking me about Sophie's. I tried avoiding a straight answer, but could only leave him with you'll find out.
After the river cruise we cleaned up, ate, and enjoyed the lovely company of the Pickled Parrot Girls. I noticed Mr. Parrot keeping careful track of the time. Mr. Parrot mentioned being at Sophie's 6:30 PM when it opened. You could see the anticipation etched on Mr. Parrot's face, I could be mistaken, but I recall him churning his hands in each other at just the mention of Sophie's.
At little past 6:30 PM Mr. Parrot, Mr. Kiwi, and I found ourselves at the bottom of "The Stairway To Heaven" the entrance to Sophies. The stairway is actually an entrance into an apartment building. The stairs are painted white, are grimy, and dingy looking. I was careful not to touch the railings, God Forbid to think about the dirty hands that have come in contact with the railing. The stairs were not dark, but dimly lit. When we arrived at Sophie's you ring to be let in. This kind of reminded me of the old Mustang Ranch outside of Reno.
The door slowly opened about four girls met us, each grabbing one of us. As soon as the ladies recognized Mr. Parrot it was like a family reunion. There was chattering and screaming of delight. I guess Mr. Parrot's never been here before. Before we were half way into the bar, more ladies were on us. In mob fashion guiding us to our bar stools. Hands everywhere, grabbing!
Once the mob had us seated, a flurry of hands started grabbing our flys, which had our pants unzipped within seconds and Mr. Happy free of his bonds. The girls eagerly licked, sucked, and fondled our member at the bar. All this before we could order a drink. Mr. Parrot being Mister popular had the most girls, then the big guy had the next most, and then me the ugly one had two maybe three.
We settled down to our drinks and some light fondling of Mr. Happy. To finish off Mr. happy you have to pick the girls you want $10 US each and then you go to some dark dirty room. If you’re really lucky you get the toilet.
Mr. Kiwi and I picked two girls each, and I think Mr. Parrot picked three. My girls led me to a room and upon opening the door found a show in progress. I went to the toilet and again was led to the room only to find the final act being cleaned up. Poor chap, could not get blown in private, interrupted twice by my entourage.
Finally, our room was available with minimal clean up. I don't think they changed the sheets. When I lay down on the bed, I could still feel the body heat from the previous occupants. The room was just large enough to contain a small twin bed, no sink or a place to clean up, a drab institutional green colour, and poorly lit.
As soon as the door was shut the girls dragged my pants down to my ankles. Laying across the bed with my pants and feet on the floor, the girls started to practice their profession, first both, then they rotated, one paying special attention to Mr. Happy and the other to the balls and anal region (ciming, licking, and fondling). As time wore on the girls became more inpatient, traded off more frequently, became more frenzied, and at times this became painful, which delayed matters even more.
I finally just told the better looking one I'd do her. I laid her across the bed, screwed her while the other cim'ed and licked my balls. It still took a little effort; these girls were not exactly my dream ladies. Her pussy was a little sloppy. But the special attention to the balls helped put me over the top.
There are no clean up facilities in the room except for some toilet tissue, not even handi wipes. You have to get dressed, go to the toilet, and use the wash basin to clean yourself.
Being, I was the first one in, I was the first one out. I sat at the bar ordered a drink. On the other end of the bar, sat an older Japanese guy in a brightly flowered Hawaiian shirt, plying the working ladies with chocolates. Perhaps chocolate mints, oh how appropriate. Both nights we were there, he was at the bar. I wondered if he got off peeking at guys Willy's being licked, whilst sitting at the bar.
Mr. Kiwi finally emerged out of his room. The Big guy was obviously satisfied and already looking forward to tomorrows opening visit. Mr. Kiwi ordered a drink and sat next to me. We then relocated to the couch behind the bar to make room for new customers and not to be perceived as a bit peculiar. Like our Hawaiian shirted older friend at the other end of the bar.
I believe we ordered another round of cocktails, or even a third round before Mr. Parrot emerged reinvigorated. All I know it was quite some time before Mr. Parrot appeared. In fact it took so long, I seriously began to consider Mr. Parrot to be multi orgasmic, thus the reason for the affinity for Sophie's.
BJ bars are not my cup of tea. I wonder why such places are not clean and more upscale; this would be more appealing. I don't like the dirty dingy darkness of places like this and the girls are never attractive, I find it a turn off. I wonder if our Judo/Christian indoctrination "that sex is dirty and sinful" creates the mindset that these places have to be sleazy and dirty, in order for us to get off. You think too much, enough is enough!
After our Sophie's adventure Mr. Parrot took us on a tour of the Phnom Phen night life venues, which are numerous. Mr. Kiwi was so thrilled with his visit to Sophie's, it was the subject of much talk. I found the venues right around the Tonle Sap Guest House and the Pickled Parrot Bar to have the best looking ladies. Believe me there are many venues near by, this makes the Hotel very convenient. In fact only one lady I took came outside the riverside Pickled Parrot Bar area.
The next evening we visited Sophie's again. I sat on the couch with a cocktail, talking to the ladies, and observing our Japanese friend at the bar, the girls never serviced this guy, while Mr. Parrot and Mr. Kiwi were in their oral orgasmic heaven.
As we were leaving, Mr. Kiwi had all the ladies stand by the door. He then instructed the ladies to lift their skirts. The ladies readily complied. So as we left, we had a review of the Cambodian beavers or gash flash. What will those Yanks think of next? First the stadium wave and now the gash flash!
Happy Pizza
On our first nite I was able to talk Mr. Kiwi into sharing a Happy Pizza (natural herb laced Pizza). So we ordered a Chicken herb Pizza (regular Happy enrichment) to be delivered to the lady bar next to the Pickled Parrot (Rose Bar, I think), in which we were in attendance. The pizza arrived and we had many takers. All but one slice was returned once the locals found out it was a Happy Pizza. The task of eating the pizza was left to Mr. Kiwi and I. The resulting effects to me were a pleasant mellow buzz, while Mr. Kiwi said nothing happened to him.
At the Second Anniversary Party of the Pickled Parrot, I decided to order a Happy Pizza with extra happy. I ordered a Large Meat lover Happy Pizza with extra happy to be delivered to the Pickled Parrot. The total cost was $10 US.
I had barfined very nice 21 year old petite Vietnamese girl and was looking forward to the bedroom Olympics in an enhanced state of mind. When the Pizza arrived my date had one piece and some local expat acquaintances consumed a few more slices, leaving me about a half a pizza to eat.
Everything was going splendid, until the extra happy hit me like a sledge hammer. The few social skills I had, soon vanished. My ability to speak coherently dissolved into Neanderthal grunts, which took much effort. My vision became distorted, as if I was viewing the world through a fun house mirror. Colours became more vivid. Walking required much concentration and was a series of spastic leg movements. Some how I was able to communicate to my attractive date it was bedtime, some how I navigated the three flights of stairs. When I arrived in my room the walls appeared to be rolling and billowing as if curtains in a breeze.
I managed to remove my cloths and preceded to mount my sweet young date. The motion of the act and the billowing room soon nauseated me. In order to prevent any involuntary ejection of stomach fluids, I dismounted and rolled over on my back. During the night I attempted to satisfy my carnal urges two more times, each resulted in the same sea sickness. My date spoke to me, joked, and touched me during the night. All the while I laid in an herb induced paralysis, unable to respond. I could only muster eye movements and blinking.
In the morning these symptoms were still present and did not dissipate significantly until about 2:30 PM. I gingerly navigated downstairs to the bar. I drank many draft Angkor's to combat the diminishing effects of the extra happy. Finally by five in the afternoon I was somewhat back to normal, comfortably semi drunk.
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 7:34 pm on Dec. 17, 2006
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jingjo
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Good Story!
Now I know why lot's of Punters go to Cambo
not for Pussy but for the Pizza 
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 10:03 pm on Dec. 17, 2006
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Buai
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Quote: from Oz on 11:27 am on Dec. 18, 2006
This Parrot guy sounds a bit sketchy
Must have a dose of Cambodian bird flu.
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Sexy Bangkok Girls
Posted on: 11:20 pm on Dec. 17, 2006
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expatchuck
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CalEden:
Methinks both your Kiwi and Pickled Parrot friend were somewhat dodgy.
I am glad you were the sober/sane Yank in their midst but, you must be more careful with your choice of pizza toppings in the future.
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 1:12 am on Dec. 18, 2006
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seajohn
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Quote: from CalEden on 9:58 am on Dec. 18, 2006
I couldn't do anything but make eye movments.
Were they interpreted correctly?
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Bangkok Women : Meet Beautiful Thai Girls
Posted on: 1:20 am on Dec. 18, 2006
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DaffyDuck
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Quote: from Oz on 11:27 am on Dec. 18, 2006
This Parrot guy sounds a bit sketchy
Huh?
Quote: from CalEden on 9:58 am on Dec. 18, 2006
The motion of the act and the room soon nauseated me. In order to prevent any involuntary ejection of stomach fluids, I dismounted and rolled over on my back on the bed. During the night I attempted to satisfy my carnal urges two more times, each resulted in the same sea sickness. Also my date spoke to me, joked, and touched me. All the while I lay-ed in a herb induced paralysis, unable to respond. I couldn't do anything but make eye movments.
Sure sounds like ordering 'happy' pizza is the way to a good time. Sure explains a lot...
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 4:18 am on Dec. 18, 2006
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CalEden
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Yeah, they were both dodgy guys. Mr. Parrot wore a black eye patch over his left eye and mumbled arr arr matey a lot.
My recommendation for Happy Pizza is stick to the regular dose of Happy Herbs and you will be happy. Extra is too intense!
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Thai Girls : Meet Active Thai Girls
Posted on: 6:08 pm on Dec. 18, 2006
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hyperterminal
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great FR caleden! looking forward to first trip to PP in july, might skip the extra toppings though 
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 6:25 am on Dec. 20, 2006
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