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atl
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my bad...will tell it later!
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 10:53 pm on Aug. 15, 2009
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expatchuck
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Bubba visits the hospital under the Obama health plan.
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Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line? Here's what happened to Bubba:
Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: "Shingles." So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had.
Bubba said, "Shingles." So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.
A half-hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." The doctor asked, "Where?"
Bubba said, "Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??"
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Bangkok Women : Meet Sensual Bangkok Women
Posted on: 9:25 am on Aug. 17, 2009
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expatchuck
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Real or not? I don't know but they are humorous.
Actual exchanges between pilots and control towers.
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Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o’clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
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Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
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From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f***ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f***ing bored, not f***ing stupid!"
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O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, 1 o'clock, 3 miles, Eastbound."
United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this. I’ve got the little Fokker in sight."
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A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
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A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
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A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich, overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German) : "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English) : "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English) : "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent) : "Because you lost the bloody war, Mate!"
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Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
BR Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern.... we've already notified our caterers."
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One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed.
The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."
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The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206, Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience) : "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly) : "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I didn't land."
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While taxiing at London’s Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:
"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"
"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking:
"Wasn't I married to you once?"
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 3:37 am on Aug. 22, 2009
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james bond
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A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a handsaw so he sees another man on the 1st floor. He yells down to him, but he can't hear, so he does sign language. The man on the 3rd floor does sign language. He points at his eye meaning "I", points at his knee meaning "need", and moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion. The man on the 1st floor knods his head, pulls down his pants, and starts masturbating.The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs down to the 1st floor and says,"What the f*** is wrong with you dumbass? I said I need handsaw!!" The other guy says," I knew that, I was just trying to tell you I'm coming."
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Sexy Bangkok Girls
Posted on: 7:05 pm on Aug. 22, 2009
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Buai
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A golfing one for you EPC:
Permission to Play Golf
Four married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole the following conversation took place:
First Guy:
'You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend..
I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.'
Second Guy:
'That's nothing; I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool.'
Third Guy:
'Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her.'
They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has Not said a word. So they ask him, 'You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?'
Fourth guy:
'I just set my alarm for 5:30am. When it went off, I gave the wife a slap on the ass and said:
'Golf course or intercourse?' She said: 'Wear sun-block."
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 7:10 pm on Aug. 22, 2009
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SHEIKH14
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A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by
a young woman with three small children running around at her
feet.
He said, "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever
used the product?"
She said, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time."
And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?"
"We use it for sex."
The researcher was a little taken aback.
He said, "Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a
child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact,
we know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your
honesty. Since you've been frank so far, would you tell me in
what manner you use it for sex?"
The woman said, "I don't mind telling you at all. My husband puts
it on the bedroom door knob and it keeps the kids out."
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Bangkok Women : Meet Beautiful Thai Girls
Posted on: 4:40 am on Sep. 8, 2009
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BobFiveHead
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Here is a joke (riddle)
Q. How do you know if your sister is on her period?
A. Your dad's dick tastes funny.
And another (a bit more political) :
Q. What's the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and Sarah Palin's pussy?
A. Not everything that comes out of her pussy is retarded.
Another in somewhat bad taste:
Q.What's the best part about being a clown at a 10 year old's birthday party?
A. How big your dick looks in their hands.
Another in possibly worse taste:
Q: The best part of having sex with a 10 year old in the shower?
A:When their hair is slicked back, they look 7!
Finally, this one is purely offensive, please do not read it if you are easily offended, and I really mean that. It may be very hard for many of you to find to find humor in this joke :
Q: What's the best thing about having sex with a six year old?
A: The sound of their pelvis cracking.
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 10:31 pm on Sep. 8, 2009
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BobFiveHead
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Here is a funny in much better taste:
A woman goes into labour at hospital. After the birth takes place the baby is taken into special care immediately and the doctor returns after a few minutes with a solemn face and says to the mother:
Doctor: "I have good news and bad news, which do you want first?"
Mother: "Dear!! Tell me the bad news doctor!!!!! starts sobbing"
Doctor: "Your child is ginger"
The mother break into tears of relief
Mother: "Well that's not so bad at all..... sobs and laughter..... what's the good news???".
Doctor: "He's dead."
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Thai Girls : Meet Active Thai Girls
Posted on: 10:35 pm on Sep. 8, 2009
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SHEIKH14
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A man sat at a local bar savoring a double martini when an
attractive woman sat down next to him. The bartender served her a
glass of voBKa and orange juice. The man turned to her and said,
"This is a special day. I'm celebrating."
"What a coincidence. I'm celebrating too," she replied, clinking
glasses with the man, "What are you celebrating?" she asked.
"As it happens, I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens
were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."
"What a coincidence", she said. "For years my husband and I have
been trying to have a child. Today my gynecologist told me I'm
pregnant! How did your chickens become fertile?" she asked.
"Oh, I switched cocks," he replied.
"What a coincidence......." she said.
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 11:49 pm on Sep. 8, 2009
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thewiz
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A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money decided to hire herself out as a handywoman and started canvassing the neighborhoods.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said. "How much will you charge me?"
The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes."
A short time later, the blonde handywoman came to the door to collect her money. "You finished already?" the husband asked.
"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint leftover, so I gave it two coats - no extra charge."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her.
"And by the way," the blonde added... "it's not a Porch -- it's an Audi
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 10:50 pm on Sep. 18, 2009
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