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thewiz
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FOR APPLE LOVERS
Apple Computer announced today that it has developed
a computer chip that can store and play hi-fi music in women's breast implants.
The iTit will cost
between $499.00 and $699.00
depending on speaker size.
This is considered to be a major breakthrough
because women have always complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 4:04 am on Oct. 10, 2009
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thewiz
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John O'Reilly was drinking with his mates at the pub the other night when he hoisted his beer and said,
'Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!'
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, 'I won the prize for the Best toast of the night.'
She said, 'Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?'
John said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.'
'Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!' Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said, 'John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.'
She said, 'Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself.
You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years.
Once he fell asleep, and other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.'
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Bangkok Women : Meet Sensual Bangkok Women
Posted on: 6:26 am on Oct. 11, 2009
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thewiz
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Daddy, how was I born?
A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'
The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
Scroll down....You'll love this...
'You got Male!
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 6:30 am on Oct. 11, 2009
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thewiz
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We are in trouble...
The population of this country is 300 million.
160 million are retired.
That leaves 140 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school.
Which leaves 55 million to do the work.
Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government..
Leaving 20 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama
Bin-Laden.
Which leaves 17.2 million to do the work.
Take from that total the 15.8 million people who work for state and city
Governments. And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.
Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And there you are,
Sitting on your ass,
At your computer, reading jokes..
Nice. Real nice.
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Sexy Bangkok Girls
Posted on: 6:34 am on Oct. 11, 2009
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expatchuck
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Another Taliban joke:
A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand, selling ties.
The Taliban asked... 'Do you have water?'
The Jewish man replied... 'I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only 50 Dinars.'
The Taliban shouted, ' Idiot ! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water ! I should kill you, but I must find water first !!!
'OK,' said the old Jewish man, 'it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that.
'If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant owned by my brother. It has all the ice cold water you need... Shalom.'
Muttering, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.
Several hours later he staggered back..... almost dead.
"Your f***ing brother won't let me in without a tie !!! "
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 9:57 pm on Oct. 11, 2009
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thewiz
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The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examination in Swindon, Wiltshire (U.K.)
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs
Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.
The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity
contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby
Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airpor t. (Irrefutable)
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they20look like umbrellas
Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his
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Bangkok Women : Meet Beautiful Thai Girls
Posted on: 6:28 am on Oct. 12, 2009
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expatchuck
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A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.
'Fred,' he replies.
'Fred what?' the officer asks.
'Just Fred,' the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'
The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Dingaling. I know -- a funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time, so I stayed to myself, studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Dingaling, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD. Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my MD because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD. Then the VD took away my Dingaling, so now I am Just Fred.'
The officer walked away in tears, laughing.
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 9:07 pm on Oct. 12, 2009
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thewiz
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Getting a hairdryer through Customs...
A young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?'
'Of course child. What can I do for you?'
'Well, I bought an expensive woman's
electric hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?'
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'
'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'
The official thought this answer strange, so he asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'
Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!
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Thai Girls : Meet Active Thai Girls
Posted on: 12:14 am on Oct. 13, 2009
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thewiz
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*A madam opened the brothel door in Winnipeg and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties 'May I help you sir? she asked. 'I want to see Valerie,' the man replied. *
*'Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else', said the madam. *
*'No, I must see Valerie,' he replied. Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out*
*five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs.*
*After an hour, the man calmly left. *
* The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie.*
*Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive. But there were no discounts. The price was still $5000.
*Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left. *
* The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs. *
*After their session, Valerie said to the man, 'No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?' The man replied, ' Ontario '. *
*'Really', she said. 'I have family in Ontario.' *
* 'I know.' the man said. 'Your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance.'*
*The moral of the story is
THAT THREE THINGS IN LIFE
ARE CERTAIN... & THEY ARE......*
*1. Death *
*2. Taxes... &*
*3. Being screwed by a lawyer.*
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 12:27 am on Oct. 13, 2009
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Kaymanx
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Guts Versus Balls
Guts is when you return home late at night after hanging out with your friends at the bar, and your wife opens the door with a broomstick in her hands, and you enquire breezily, "Oh you're still not done with the cleaning ? Or you flying off somewhere ?"
Balls is when when you return home late at night after hanging out with your friends at the bar, smelling of cigarettes, alcohol and perfume, and your wife opens the door with a broomstick in her hands, and you slap her on her ass and remark breezily, "You're next chubby."
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 1:11 pm on Oct. 13, 2009
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