| |
thewiz
|
This is allegedly based on a story from a local Irish paper. Recently a routine Garda patrol parked outside a local pub.
Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled
around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles,
the man managed to find his car which he fell into. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night) flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn and
then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained stationery for a few more
minutes as some more vehicles left. At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the road.
The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man
over and carried out a breathalyser test. To his amazement the breathalyser indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all!
Dumbfounded, the officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station, this breathalyser equipment must be broken."
"I doubt it", said the man, "tonight I'm the designated decoy."
|
Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 8:18 pm on Oct. 21, 2009
|
|
thewiz
|
A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his
mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him..
The son sees his mom and asks, 'What were you and Dad doing?'
The mother replies, 'Well, you know your dad has a big tummy and sometime s I have to get on top of it and help flatten it..'
'Your wasting your time,' said the boy.
'Why is that?' the mom asked puzzled.
'Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes
over and gets on her knees and blows it right back
up.'
|
Bangkok Women : Meet Sensual Bangkok Women
Posted on: 8:24 pm on Oct. 21, 2009
|
|
thewiz
|
A Russian and Boudreaux, from Thibodaux, Louisiana, were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal. Before the final match, Boudreaux's trainer came to him and said, 'Now don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian.
He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has. Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're finished.' Boudreaux nodded in acknowledgement.
As the match started, Boudreaux and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing Boudreaux and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the inevitable happen.
Suddenly, there was a scream, then a cheer from the crowd, and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air.
His back hit the mat with a thud, and Boudreaux collapsed on top of him making the pin and winning the match.
The Trainer was astounded. When he finally got his wrestler alone, he asked, 'Boudreaux, how did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!'
Then Boudreaux answered, 'Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of balls right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could.'
So the trainer exclaimed, 'That's what finished him off?'
'Not really,' said Boudreaux. 'You never know your own strength until you bite yourself in the balls.'
|
Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 8:31 pm on Oct. 21, 2009
|
|
thewiz
|
A drunk is sitting in a bar. There is a very buxom
blonde a few seats down from him with breasts size
44DD'S.
A fellow at the end of the bar calls for a beer. The
bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar. It
hits the lady's breasts and spills all over them. The
bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the
beer off of her breasts.
This happens a couple more times.
The next time, the drunk jumps up and starts to lick
her breasts. She promptly decks him! He's lying on the floor
moaning and groaning.
'Why do you let the bartender do it?'
'Because he has.............(your gonna love this)......
or maybe not
Are you sure you want to read the last line
You can abort now from reading the end
I am giving you a choice
Ok here goes then
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
A LICKER LICENSE
|
Bangkok Girls : Meet Sexy Bangkok Girls
Posted on: 8:36 pm on Oct. 21, 2009
|
|
thewiz
|
The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks "Why in the world are you walking around like this?"
The Cowboy says, "Well it's like this Sheriff... I was in the bar down the
road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt... So I did.
Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants... So I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts...so I did.
Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, "Now go to
town cowboy.. "
And here I am!
|
Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 8:38 pm on Oct. 21, 2009
|
|
thewiz
|
Sometimes it DOES take a Rocket Scientist!! (true story)
Scientists at Rolls Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners and military jets all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
American engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the American engineers.
When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back-rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin like an arrow shot from a bow..
The horrified Yanks sent Rolls Royce the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the British scientists for suggestions.
You're going to love this......
Rolls Royce responded with a one-line memo:
"Defrost the chicken!
|
Bangkok Women : Meet Beautiful Thai Girls
Posted on: 8:42 pm on Oct. 21, 2009
|
|
thewiz
|
Keep this in mind when you have something to return and the store gives you a hard time -
A woman went to a K-Mart service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work. The clerk told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming,
"RUB MY NIPPLES,
RUB MY NIPPLES,
RUB MY NIPPLES!"
The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager
in front of a growing crowd of customers.
The manager comes to the woman and asks,"Ma'am what's wrong?"
She explained the problem with the toaster, and he also told her that
he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screamed,
"RUB MY NIPPLES,
RUB MY NIPPLES,
RUB MY NIPPLES!"
and doing so draws an even bigger crowd!
In shock, the store manager pleads,
"Ma'am, why are you saying that?"
In a huff, the woman says,
"BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE
MY NIPPLES RUBBED
WHEN I'M BEING SCREWED!"
The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded!!
|
Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 9:27 pm on Oct. 21, 2009
|
|
thewiz
|
*The Bathtub Test *
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director "How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized"
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?" *
ARE YOU GOING TO PASS THIS ON, OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE?*
|
Thai Girls : Meet Active Thai Girls
Posted on: 9:49 pm on Oct. 21, 2009
|
|
thewiz
|
AGELESS WIT AND OBSERVATIONS
'If you don't read the newspaper
you are uninformed, if you do
read the newspaper you are
misinformed.'
Mark Twain
Suppose you were an idiot.
And suppose you were a member of Congress....
But then I repeat myself.
-Mark Twain
I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
-Winston Churchill
A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
-.George Bernard Shaw
A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.
-G Gordon Liddy
Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.
-James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)
Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
-Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
-P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian
Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.
-Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)
Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
-Ronald Reagan (1986)
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
-Will Rogers
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free!
-P.J. O'Rourke
In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.
-Voltaire (1764)
Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you!
-Pericles (430 B.C.)
No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.
-Mark Twain (1866 )
Talk is cheap...except when Congress does it.
-Unknown
The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other.
-Ronald Reagan
The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
-Winston Churchill
The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
-Mark Twain
The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.
-Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)
There is no distinctly Native American criminal class...save Congress.
-Mark Twain
What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
-Edward Langley, Artist (1928 - 1995)
A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.
-Thomas Jefferson
|
Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 9:59 pm on Oct. 21, 2009
|
|
james bond
|
A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusualfuneral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse wasfollowed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the secondhearse was a solitary man walking a pit bull dog on a leash. Behind him was aqueue of 200 men walking in single file. The man couldn't contain his curiosity. He respectfully approached the manwalking the dog,"I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, butI've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral Is it?" The man replied, "Well, that first hearse is for my wife.""What happened to her." The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her." He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?" The man answered, "MyMother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her." A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men."Can I borrow the dog?""Join the queue."
|
Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 4:17 am on Oct. 22, 2009
|
|
| |
|
