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thewiz
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A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye....It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES
He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought....
Soon he sees another sign which reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES
Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT
His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a
small sign next to the door reading:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, 'What may we do for
you my son?'
He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business....'
'Very well my son. Please follow me.' He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a
closed door and tells the man, 'Please knock on this door.'
He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door... This nun instructs, 'Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway.'
He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him.
The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:
GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 9:34 pm on April 22, 2010
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thewiz
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A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it.
He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"
"Well...., you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Lexus."
The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, "What are the three tests?"
"You gotta pay first," says the bartender, "those are the rules."
So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender $10 which he stuffs into the jar.
"Okay," says the bartender, "here's what you need to do: First - you have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in 60 seconds or less, and you can't make a face while doing it."
"Second - there's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands.
"Third - there's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex. You have to take care of that problem."
The man is stunned! "I know I paid my $10 -- but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila and then do all those other things!"
"Your call," says the bartender, "but, your money stays where it is."
As time goes on, the man has a few more drinks and finally says, "Where's the damn tequila?!"
He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can. Tears stream down both cheeks -- but he doesn't make a face -- and he drinks it in 58 seconds! Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole. Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud growling, screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight -- then nothing but silence!
Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar. His clothes are ripped to shreds and he's bleeding from bites and gashes all over his body.
He drunkenly says, "Now..., where's that old woman with the bad tooth?"
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 11:07 pm on April 26, 2010
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thewiz
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The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, 'I've got some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order.'
The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.
'Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. So, let's head to the club and have a martini.'
After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less sombre. There were some laughs and more martinis.
They were eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating. The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end, 'I've been diagnosed with AIDS.'
The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat.
After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered, 'Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that?'
'Because I don't want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I'm gone.'
And THAT, my friends, is what is called,
'Putting Your Affairs In Order.'
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY...
Women are like phones:
They like to be held, talked to, and touched often.
But push the wrong button and your ass is disconnected.
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Sexy Bangkok Girls
Posted on: 11:09 pm on April 26, 2010
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thewiz
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A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy
day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her
husband's car pull into the driveway.
"Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband
is home early!"
"I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!"
"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. "He's
got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!"
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes & jumps out the
window. Running down the street in the rain, he quickly discovered he had
run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started
running along beside the others, about 300 of them.
Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as
best he could.
After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with
some curiosity, jogged closer.
"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked. "Oh yes!" he replied, gasping
for air. "I feel so wonderfully free!"
Another runner moved a long side. "Do you always run carrying your clothes
with you under your arm?"
"Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed at
the end of the run and get in my car to go home!
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, "Do you always
wear a condom when you run?"
"Nope.........just when it's raining."
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 10:07 pm on May 3, 2010
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thewiz
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Q: Why are condoms transparent?
A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if their entry is
Restricted!
Signboard outside a prostitute's house:
Married MEN not allowed. We serve the needy, not the greedy...
New AIDS awareness slogan:
Try different positions with the same woman instead of same position
with different women.
Why is $ex like shaving?
Well, because no matter how well you do it today... tomorrow you'll
have to do it again...
Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster?
A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed to death.
Q: Why do 90% gals have left boob bigger than right?
A: Bcoz 90% boys are right handed.
Q: What is the difference between a PANTY & a STAGE CURTAIN?
A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when
you pull down the PANTY..... it is SHOWTIME!
Q: What is the similarity between a wife and a hewing gum?
A: Both are sweet in the beginning but become tasteless and shapeless later
Advantages of having an affair with a married women..
They give like hell.
They do not yell.
They do not tell.
They do not swell and there is no wedding bell!
My dad told me that if Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would be still in
Paradise.
Why? Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the bloody apple!
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Bangkok Women : Meet Beautiful Thai Girls
Posted on: 10:14 pm on May 3, 2010
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SHEIKH14
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Two Amish ladies were digging potatoes in the field. One lady
digs up two large potatoes bigger than her fist.
She says, "Oh my! These remind me of my husband Jebadiah's
balls."
The other woman gazed in wonder and said, "You mean his balls are
that BIG!"
"No!" the woman replied. "There're that dirty!"
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 11:06 pm on May 7, 2010
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thewiz
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Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party.
He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes and the first thing he saw is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!
Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean.
So is the rest of the house..
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.
Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: 'Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian.'
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating.
Jack asks, 'Son... what happened last night?'
'Well, you came home! after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.
Confused, he asked his son, 'so, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean?
I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?
His son replies, 'Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone Bitch, I'm married!!'
Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Medical bill to fix the eye $274.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time... PRICELESS!
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Thai Girls : Meet Active Thai Girls
Posted on: 10:59 pm on May 8, 2010
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thewiz
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WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKED FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, BUT THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE
This is the winner
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,
Marrying you screwed up my life.
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
I thought that I could love no other --
that is until I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes --
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts tequila, one part limeJ
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 1:44 am on May 11, 2010
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thewiz
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A Driver walks into a bar with
A pet crocodile by his side.
He puts the crocodile up on the bar.
He turns to the astonished patrons.
'I'll make you a deal. I'll open this crocodile's mouth and place my manhood inside.
Then the croc will close his
Mouth for one minute.
'Then he'll open his mouth
And I'll remove my unit unscathed.
In return for witnessing this
Spectacle,
Each of you will buy me a drink.'
The crowd murmured their approval.
The man stood up on the bar,
Dropped his trousers,
And placed his Johnson and related parts in the crocodile's open mouth.
The croc closed his mouth
As the crowd gasped.
After a minute,
The man grabbed a beer
Bottle and smacked the
Crocodile hard on the top of
Its head.
The croc opened his mouth
And the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered,
And the first of his free
Drinks were delivered.
The man stood up again and made another offer. 'I'll pay anyone $1000 who's willing to give it a try.'
A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.
A Blonde woman timidly
Spoke up..........
'I'll try it -
Just don't hit me so hard
With the beer bottle!'
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 8:03 pm on May 22, 2010
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