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expatchuck
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Doctor Patient Relationships...
Doctor Duck had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't.
The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: 'Daffy, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go, Daffy.'
But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality whispering, 'Daffy, you're a veterinarian, you sick bastard.'
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 9:31 pm on Oct. 22, 2011
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atl
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Last night I bought a box of condoms and the cashier asked me, "Do you need a bag?" and I replied, "No, she isn't that ugly!" 
atl
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Bangkok Women : Meet Sensual Bangkok Women
Posted on: 10:03 am on Oct. 30, 2011
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vox
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An elephant stepped on thorn which then wouldn't come out of its foot, and it was very painful. Since the elephant couldn't reach the thorn itself, it pleaded to a passing mouse to help it by pulling the thorn out.
The sly mouse said, "sure, but for a price." The elephant cried, "anything, anything!" The mouse said, "you gotta let me f*** you up the ass." The elephant muffled a chuckle and continued, "sure, sure, just get the damn thing out!"
The mouse easily removed the thorn, and then began his long climb up the elephant's leg for his reward.
Once he was positioned over the elephant's anus, he thrust his tiny mouse cock forward and started pumping away.
At that same moment, the elephant happened to step on yet another thorn, and cried out loudly in pain. The mouse smiled and said, "yeah, take it all bitch!"
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 5:18 pm on Oct. 30, 2011
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expatchuck
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Etiquette of Romance
WHITE WOMEN:
First date:
You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date:
You get to grope all over and make out a bit.
Third date:
You get to have sex but only when she wants to; a diamond promise; and only in the missionary position.
BLACK WOMEN:
First Date:
You both get blinding drunk and have sex.
Second Date:
You both get blinding drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary:
You both get blinding drunk and have sex.
ITALIAN WOMEN:
First Date:
You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date:
You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.
Third Date:
You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3-carat ring.
5th Anniversary:
You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary:
You find yourself a Mistress.
CHINESE WOMEN:
First date:
You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date:
You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.
Third date:
You don't even get to the third date and you realize nothing is ever going to happen.
INDIAN WOMEN:
First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.
THAI WOMEN:
First Date:
You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date:
You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
Third Date:
You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date:
She's pregnant by someone other than you.
MEXICAN WOMEN:
First Date:
You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date: She's pregnant.
Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her sister's boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Tijuana strip.
JEWISH WOMEN:
First Date: You spend all your money to impress her.
Second Date: You take a loan to keep the image.
Third Date: You're broke, she finds someone wealthier
ARAB WOMEN:
First Date: Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Friends and entire Arab community finds out.
Second Date: You are shot dead in the street and your balls are fed to the goats.
No third date:
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Sexy Bangkok Girls
Posted on: 4:11 am on Nov. 1, 2011
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thailife
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I might switch the Thai and black women....
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 10:32 am on Nov. 1, 2011
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expatchuck
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Dedicated to once and current cat owners. A long read but funny.
____________________________________
How to Give a Cat a Pill
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.
Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cats mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.
Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.
Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand.
Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.
Call spouse in from the garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws.
Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail.
Get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit.
Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans and drink one beer to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed.
Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink.
Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from the top of the tree across the road. Apologize to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.
Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Using heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed, tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
How To Give A Dog A Pill
1. Wrap it in bacon.
2. Toss it in the air.
GOOD DOG!
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Bangkok Women : Meet Beautiful Thai Girls
Posted on: 12:58 am on Nov. 2, 2011
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expatchuck
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Quote: from thailife on 10:32 pm on Nov. 1, 2011
I might switch the Thai and black women....
Done.
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 1:00 am on Nov. 2, 2011
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China Sailor
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EPC,
I used to own a cat and that was spot-on.
BTW, I found the best thing to do was to crush the pill and mix it in the cat's food... if there are any wounded cat owners out there...
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Thai Girls : Meet Active Thai Girls
Posted on: 12:10 pm on Nov. 2, 2011
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atl
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A reporter asked Michael Jackson why he and his "significant other" were seeking a second child after their first child was only 7 months old, Jackson replied, "Well that one is beginning to lose his looks!"
atl
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 10:36 pm on Nov. 3, 2011
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Whisper
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An Aussie farmer went into town to buy condoms for the first time.
"That'll be $3.50 plus tax", said the chemist.
"Nah, that's OK", said the farmer. "I'll wire the bastards on."
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 11:28 am on Nov. 4, 2011
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