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Skip
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Headline: Me bad farang. Me very bad farang!
Anecdote:
If there’s a moral to be found within it might be these:
a) guard yourself against masseurs who jump the gun by bringing up extras right off the bat.
b) The sooner they do so, the greater should be your concern.
c) Foremost, listen for the alarm of intuition sounding within, and take heed if it does, brothers.
The Abstract:
Happy-go-lucky farang shows up at Oranges Massage looking for a good Saturday night ‘relax’ massage. Farang enthusiastically buys two-hour oil massage, selects lady masseur, and heads off assuming bliss awaits. Gets uninspired washing in tub, gets solicited [in tub] for extras, *but*- only for BJ. Gets declined full service option, but offered BJ option in-lieu of no-can-FS. Readily accepts 1000bt offer for BJ extra service while still in tub. Mental alarm rings out; Alarm ignored. Peril follows swiftly. Gets boringly crappy massage for one [long, tedious] hour, gets five minute body-to-body oily on back. Rolled over to front side and while flaccid, decides immediately to cut losses and get out. Declines covered blowjob demand. Sudden shift in room- the happy-go-lucky farang is the bad, bad, badest farang in Bangkok. [fast forward downstairs] Farang arrives downstairs at 1.5 hours not asking for anything but to leave. Has paid for two hour massage and tipped lady 200bt in room. Told, 'not enough!' Management demands 1000 baht on behalf of shit-for-masseur lady. Ten minute round-robin-twisted logic argument ensues. Ugly scene in lobby- no one lets up. More twisted Thai logic ensues. Farang [to just get the hell out] adds 200bt, now leaves lady 400bt tip. Still incurs wrath of manager from hell- “You bad farang! You very bad farang! Your kind no good!” Lady deserves 1000bt. Farang exits building to refrain- “Your kind no good You bad farang! You very bad farang!!”
Farang seethes incredulous….
The Full Story:
Another lazy Saturday in Bangkok. Skip, on another fine, post-RT day in Bangers, relaxes on his rooftop. He gloats privately on the successful string of outstanding massage memories he has accumulated during the past month. After excessively gloating for the better part of the afternoon, Skip pauses when modesty chimes in. Mindful that excessive gloating may well incur the wrath of the gods, Skip mentally tones it down. Alas, ’tis too late, for Skip’s massage bliss will soon implode on this night in the city of angels.
Preamble:
That evening, a bit after 8, a frisky me sets off for Oranges Massage on Sukh. Soi 31 at the behest of a forum member who had recommended it to him the night prior. With research done and phonebook updated, Skip hails a motocy taxi, finds his target and saunters in. Just a monger, playing his game. The lovely mamasan, napping at the door, springs into action, jovially greeting her customer as he enters. [later, she will return as the antagonist in this drama] Lighthearted banter flows easily. Pricing is discussed over the menu of service options. Since Oranges has furos in-room, and I am keen on furos and soaking, I select the full two-hour oily and pay 800bt for the privilege forthwith. Time to select my masseur du jour. A photo album is presented. A difficult choice it seems, not to worry, they beckon me to the adjoining room where the ladies sit awaiting their clients. I later recognize my selection from the Oranges web page [her name begins with an N] and off we go.
Up we go to the top floor. A nice, if modestly appointed room awaits our shared pursuit. A large glass shower area, with a large wooden barrel styled furo occupies half the shower area. While we both await the fast filling furo my masseur exits the room to secure her sundry tools as I investigate the AC controls, slip a condom and some KY under the pillow, set my cell timer alarm at 1:45hr and cozy up to ‘our’ space. She returns, and good vibes pass between us as we chat amicably to break the ice between unknowns and wait for the tub to fill. She looks coy in her plaid school uniform accentuating well the contrast of her narrow waist and broad thighs. My hopes are high as all signals indicate another great session ahead.
I disrobe and she neatly hangs my shirt, folds my pants and places them on the chair as I, falsely professing my shyness, reveal my naked self. Then, into the tub I go. Having invited her in earlier, it is now apparent that there would be no way to fit another within the confines of this tub. As I soak, N tells me ‘wait moment’ while she doffs her uniform, She returns sporting a cotton bra and panty set to begin washing me. Her hands extend awkwardly, wash over, and bath me fitfully as my internal intuition alarm jingles ever so slighty. I make a mental note [- tip potential].
Yup, feels like a bit of a rush job in the tub. Perfunctory would aptly describe her style of washing- paying little attention to what she’s doing, my anatomy, to what has been covered and what has not, etc. Quietly, I think to myself, this is a disappointing start compared to I have recently enjoyed. I shrug it off. Outwardly, I am mister upbeat and remain jovial. Just then, I am commanded to stand and get my final rinsing. And quite suddenly, just as fast as it has begun, the bath appears over, prematurely and in record time, it seems. Ennui descends. Alas, so much hot water, and so little time to enjoy it.
1st defining moment of the encounter:
So, there I am, getting my final shower rinse, with her still working the shower wand over me [we can’t have spent twenty minutes together at this point] and she bluntly and matter-of-factly asks me, “You like extra?” [another louder [intuition alarm]
sounds off] Taken off guard, all I can muster is a “Huh?” Quickly then, she reaches out, grasps my engorged member in her hand and says, “ Extra, you want extra? You big. You too big! Me not do full service. Full service 1500 baht but cannot do. Blowjob 1000 baht. Blowjob I can do. You like extra? You like blowjob?”
In just that moment I try to forgive this abrupt affront to the seduction I had orchestrated by venturing here. Yet, in retrospect now, I see that with that sole action she had defined our entire encounter - my erotic massage was thereupon nothing but a forgone transaction. I don’t know this yet, however; though she certainly does. Ever hopeful and suddenly desperate to keep the congeniality alive, I agree on the spot. “Sure, a BJs okay!” *smile*
We move to the bed. Earlier, she had placed her watch on the mattress and is now marking the time, again [intuition alarm].
The Massage
Don’t remind me. Suffice it to say it was a very long, very dull hour. Countless times, no, make that every time, she snatched the opportunity for a heightened encounter of sensual touch and frittered each moment away. Hell, she made one mediocre hour seem like two.
Apparently, she had stripped naked after the shower. Just into the second hour, when I’m assuming it’s about time to roll me over, she pours a puddle of oil onto my back and tries her best body-to-body massage. There must have been less than an A-cup of excitement in her efforts because even this effort managed to do little for my arousal. Zilch! Nada! Ten minutes or so transpire. Still zilch! Only slightly erect, I am commanded onto my back. Here she does a two minute ‘wisp’ to the legs. Sort of a fast touch across both legs, maneuvers gracefully into my pelvic area and still manages to avoid all things prone to eros, even there. Incredible, but true. Then, grabbing a towel, she wipes off the oil. Chest, arms, nipples? Not! f***!
Any hope fled the room at that point. Now I know- all the rest of my moments in there are wasted. Cut your losses and get out now, I think to myself. Moreover, as if to confirm this, suddenly comes the
2nd defining moment: in the room.
Reaching out to touch her breast, she reacts abruptly “okay, that is okay, but you not touch here, understand? ” while pointing to her thighs. A pall descends. Everything here is sterile and controlled it seems.From this moment on it’s all about negotiating myself out of the room.
Fortunately for me now, she set to prep me for that 1000baht BJ and produces a condom, which she wants to put on [thank God mine is still hidden under the pillow], but I decline. She is a bit confused now, since she never offered me a HJ option. I tell her the condoms strangle any feeling and I cannot enjoy. “Okay, I give BJ then HJ finish” [don’t make me laugh, wench!] I’m sure I’ll be having none of it. Therefore, I hold my ground and say never mind. No extras! Thanks! *smile* I need to spell it out. “Yes, you heard right: n-e-v-e-r-m-i-n-d “ *smile*
Oh, she says, you see me naked though, you must give tip. Getting up fast and flustered now, I head for the shower. While I’m in the shower she calls downstairs- obviously detailing the transaction and setting me up to take the heat to come. I get out, dressed, drop 100 baht on the table and check my time. It is exactly 1.5 hours gone by. I think better of it and drop her another 100 baht.
Fleeing the room, with her fast behind me, I get downstairs and the mamasan is in front of the counter poised for a confrontation. And that she does. A Japanese guy sits reading a magazine next to the counter. I tell the mamasan the massage was simply disappointing, nothing erotic transpired between us, I changed my mind, would like to leave early, and that is why I am down [there] a half-hour early. I remind her I paid my 800 baht up front, I do not want a refund, I have left my girl a 200baht tip, I think that is enough and now I will leave.
“No! You owe lady tip.” says mamasan. “You owe lady 100baht. I think you pay lady now.” They rapid fire some Thai between them as I see it’s two on one. Fair? f*** fair- you’re an ATM mister.
[Skip, taking a very deep breath, appeals for calm] I ask the mamasan to send the girl away and I will talk to mamasan alone negotiating with her. I am ignored. Ask again. Ignored. Again. Ignored! A seething sets in. It’s a matter of 1000baht, period. “You see lady naked, she give you body-to-body. I think you pay her 1000baht.” I think no f***ing way.
Mamasan: “Oh, but you take lady. You tell lady you pay 1000baht. Therefore, you pay now. Since you see lady naked you owe lady.”
Me: “I agree to pay for BJ extra but massage no good, I not *get* extra, I not *want* extra, I come down early. I not ask for money back. I give lady 200baht. Enough! I go now.”
She: “No, not enough you agree to pay, you must pay lady.”
Then, the mamasan tried several times to turn the logic around and tried to blame it all on me.
She: “You paid for lady. You must pay. If you not like lady, why you take? If you not like lady you should have brought lady back.”
Me: “Hello! I did! It’s one hour half and I am down early but I pay for two.”
I see this scene going on forever. Take a seat. Ask the Japanese guy if he understands the situation. “Umm….understand a little bit” as he ducks his head slightly. I am tempted to let him be the arbiter and set my penalty/escape price but decide to leave the poor guy out of it.
I explain again, clearly what happened and ask again how much to pay lady. “You pay lady 1000baht!” Preposterous!
Same twisted logic comes back. Blame cast on me. I reject accepting blame and blame masseur instead. No! Obvious to them: I wrong since I agree to pay and now I should pay.
Ask again. 1000baht.
Knowing it’s hopeless now, I open wallet just to get out, lay down another 200 [total 400 baht] and head for the door.
She: “Oh, I think your kind is very bad. We not like your kind. You very day farang. Very bad.”
And so, with a clear but seething conscience I walked out of Oranges Massage, never to return. Humbled by fate and averse to gloating for the foreseeable future as well. 
Cost incurred:
800 baht/2hr massage
400 baht tip
120 baht Hienekin & water
1320 baht Total damage:
Gratis: Blue-seething-balls courtesy of Oranges Massage Sukh. soi 31
I’m curious how the forum will react. Your thoughts are?
disclaimer: I harbour no animosity to the brother who suggested this venue.
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 5:16 am on Feb. 20, 2005
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Skip
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Damn! So long winded, eh?
I think this call for a massage.... wish me luck, fellas. 
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Bangkok Women : Meet Sensual Bangkok Women
Posted on: 5:25 am on Feb. 20, 2005
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buxeda
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very nice report indeed, skip.
you should have paid 0 thb for this kind of service.
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 5:39 am on Feb. 20, 2005
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Triyclops
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My comments... FWIW "120 baht Hienekin & water " Drink Singha...
Maybe when she saw the size of your [Bananna] full sex did not a-[peel] to her...
Good job there was not a [bunch] of them or they might have [Graped] you.
Go back and settle the s-[core] with her. I think I now the girl her name is [Apple]! She recently fell out with her friend [Tree] She is the one with big [Mellons].  ...
On second thoughts, I think is is [fruitless] going back. Looks like you got a [Lemon]...
Nice [juicy] story though...
TC
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Sexy Bangkok Girls
Posted on: 5:51 am on Feb. 20, 2005
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Oz
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Hey TC, keep your day job!
TC = Terrible Comic!
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 5:54 am on Feb. 20, 2005
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Oz
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BTW Skip, try Centre 33 in the next Soi, rooms are a little small but the service beyond reproach in my opinion!
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Bangkok Women : Meet Beautiful Thai Girls
Posted on: 6:01 am on Feb. 20, 2005
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Byron
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Judging by the length of your post, you make things more difficult then they are.
I would have avoided a lenghtly discussion, not have paid any tip and never return, plenty of alternatives. Apart from them telling you how bad a farang you are there is not so much they can do.
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 8:06 pm on Feb. 20, 2005
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Skip
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Quote: from Byron on 8:00 am on Feb. 21, 2005
Judging by the length of your post, you make things more difficult then they are.
LOL Gotta agree with you there, Byron. If only I wrote as LocalYokal does. The grain of truth though is- I'm overly nice.
>I would have avoided a lenghtly discussion, not have paid any tip
What kept me there was an attempt to resolve the situation via mutual agreement/satisfaction. Very naive.
Maybe 'good hearts' just get trampled sometimes, so it seems.
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Thai Girls : Meet Active Thai Girls
Posted on: 10:45 pm on Feb. 20, 2005
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DrLove
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Skip, judging from their website they gather to Japanese.
That maybe could have been a clue to you. These Japanese part easier with their money than we do.
Maybe these girls were confused......
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 4:08 am on Feb. 21, 2005
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Maco88
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I agree with the guys who posted above.... you should have given her zip... As a newbie to BKK (visitng in April) I'll take your advice and give this establishement a miss.. they may not find me so understanding.
Or perhaps I should walk in singing.... "I hear alot of stories, I suppose they could be true, all about bad massages, and what they could do to you..."
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 11:11 am on Feb. 21, 2005
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