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expatchuck
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A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
"What are you doing?!" she asked.
"I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!"
"Mike loves me and wants me to wear this dress," she explained." It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me"
The mother-in-law left.
When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the couch, waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress," she whispered sensually.
"Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?
He never heard the gunshot.
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 3:40 am on April 3, 2010
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thewiz
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There’s something in here to offend just about everyone.
A.k.a. politically incorrect. Very.
However, as a lover of plays on words, double-entendres, black humour and innuendo, I found some of them very funny.
Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque.
They've told the public not to panic as they've managed to push it inside.
Two Indian heroin addicts have injected themselves with curry powder by mistake. Both are in intensive care...
One has a dodgy tikka and the other one is in a korma.
During last night's high winds, a Zimbabwean family were killed by a falling tree. A spokesman for Birmingham City Council said,
"We didn't even know they were living up there".
A minorities pressure group in the UK has complained that there are not enough television shows featuring ethnic Balkans....... so Crimewatch is being shown five times a week now.
I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I mean, that Ron, a ginger haired kid, with two friends?
I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits.
I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick-pocketed. How could anyone stoop so low?
I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghani bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet, so I shouted up to him,
"What's up, Abdul. Won't it start?"
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Bangkok Women : Meet Sensual Bangkok Women
Posted on: 4:57 am on April 4, 2010
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SHEIKH14
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Earl and Bob, both obsessed with baseball, never missed their favorite team’s game. They promised, whoever died first, and went to heaven, would come back to earth and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven. One day, Earl died. Bob waited for him to come back. Finally Earl did. He said to Bob. "I have good news and bad news. I'll tell you the good news first. There is baseball in heaven." Bob said, "That’s the best news!" Then Earl said, time for the bad news....”You're pitching tomorrow night."
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 10:40 am on April 4, 2010
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thewiz
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Would you say, Americans are Intelligent;
MUST WATCH THIS VIDEO TO KNOW...
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=fJuNgBkloFE
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Sexy Bangkok Girls
Posted on: 12:31 am on April 5, 2010
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thewiz
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An old one but still good.......
Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall
bought new shoes for her wedding.
During the big day they became increasingly tighter and tighter as the day went on.
That night, when the festivities were finally over,
and they retired to their room,
she flopped on the bed and said,
"Charles, darling, please remove my shoes,
my feet are killing me!"
Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales
attacked her right shoe with vigour,
but it would not budge.
"Harder!" yelled Camilla, "Harder".
Charles yelled back.
"I'm trying, darling! But it's just so bloody tight!"
"Come on! Give it all you've got!" she cried.
Finally, when it released,
Charles let out a big groan and Camilla exclaimed,
"There! Oh, God, that feels so good!"
In their bedroom next door,
the Queen said to Prince Phillip,
"See! I told you with a face like that, she had to be a virgin!"
Meanwhile, as Charles tried to remove her left shoe,
he cried, "Oh, God, darling! This one's even tighter!"
At which Prince Phillip said to the Queen,
"That's my boy! He served in the Navy:
once a Rear Admiral, always a Rear Admiral!"
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Bangkok Women : Meet Beautiful Thai Girls
Posted on: 8:13 pm on April 5, 2010
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thewiz
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One Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he sees Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here." The astonished Chinese man replied "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says "You sank the Titanic; my forefathers were on that ship." Shocked, Spielberg replies "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me." The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."
This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition in Britain
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 5:07 am on April 7, 2010
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expatchuck
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The International Council of Laws Governing Acceptable Male Behavior
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry only under the following circumstances: (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse. (c) After wrecking his boss's Porsche. (d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.
4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever -- unless you actually marry her.
5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However, complaints about the temperature are acceptable.
6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional, and may only be done so at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
8: When stumbling upon other guy watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), then she's officially your girlfriend.
10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless waitress and is free.
11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
12: Never fight naked. Unless it's with a woman and is physical.
13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem; you didn't see anything.
15: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports-watchers.
16: A man in the company of a hot and suggestively-dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza -- but not both, that's just plain greedy.
21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
22: It is the morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have had carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
24: Thou shalt never buy a car in the color of brown, pink, lime green, orange, sky blue or purple.
25: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox360. End of story.
26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
27: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say,'are you still cleaning or are you about to fly somewhere?'
'BALLS' is coming home late smelling of perfume and beer, with lipstick on your collar, and then slapping your wife squarely on the ass and saying, 'You're next fatty!'
I hope I have been able to shed some light on these issues, and that they are clear to you now
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Thai Girls : Meet Active Thai Girls
Posted on: 1:32 am on April 8, 2010
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thewiz
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The Duck
There was a man who had three sons. He gave each of them a duck and told them to go out and sell their duck for as much as possible.
The first son went out and sold his duck for $5, went home and told his dad what he had done. His father congratulated him and told him to go and buy himself a beer. The second son also sold his duck for $5. His father congratulated him and told him to go and buy himself a beer. The third son went out and saw a gorgeous blonde woman on the side of the road. He went up to her and said I'll give you my duck if you have sex with me. She considered it and said 'Ok'.
They had sex and when they were done she said wow that was good, I'll give you your duck back if you'll do me again. The boy agreed. While they were having sex again, the duck got loose and ran out into the road. They saw the duck escape and pulled their pants on but not quickly enough to prevent the duck from getting run over by a car.
The driver jumped out of the car and said 'I'm so sorry I killed your duck. I'll give you $40 dollars to make up for it.
When the third son finally returned home, his dad asked how much he had made. He said 'I got a f*** for a duck, a duck for a f***, and forty bucks for a f***ed up duck.'
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 2:36 am on April 8, 2010
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thewiz
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Defense Attorney:
Will you please state your age?
Little Old Lady:
I am 94 years old.
Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?
Little Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?
Little Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?
Little Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady:
He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?
Little Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so 'spicy' that I just laid down and told him
'Take me, young man. Take me now!'
Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?
Little Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, ' April Fool!' And that's when I shot him, the little bastard
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 2:38 am on April 8, 2010
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