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Marco
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I agree with Vegas : if you respect the tradition, to some extent, it must be both ways. Make them understand you are not doing it because you are a walking ATM but as a sign of respect. And you expect the same from them, like participating in the wedding expenses.
Frankly I have seen more than one Thai family using tradition as an excuse to screw up farangs.
A simple way of doing it is to ask how much the brother/cousin paid his own dowry and take this as a starting point. You are rich so maybe you can pay twice than amount but not 10 times.
The thing is if you start displaying too much wealth you will be expected to continue doing so afterwards, buying everything for everyone for the rest of your (married) life.
And if you come up with a big dowry (50k is a lot !) but then refuse to send money to mummy or buy a bufallo for the uncle everyone will consider you as kee-niaw.
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 10:49 pm on July 27, 2003
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NEP
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There is a stamp in my forehead which says farang kiniouuuw now! That's one way of sending a message though.
Looks like I will meet her mother anyway now...She comes to have small holiday same time same place I'm with this girl...a SETUP, man, I've been SETUP 
I know they can change bars and freelance etc, but not all do it, I hope. I've seen many do it, also seen some not. Matter of trust/tpe 
If I send her 25K baht/month, sure it's easier to stay away from business...but that does not really tell then if its only for money or not.
Furthermore I don't believe everything is allways about money, hell, not even for mothers.
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Bangkok Women : Meet Sensual Bangkok Women
Posted on: 7:32 am on July 28, 2003
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thaiprivateeye
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Usually they {TGs} wont introduce you to the mum if they are not quite keen - also of course, a loss of face to be presenting a new farang each month ! - again, if she is keen, and you are also, then get Mum on your side, tell her your not rich, but can help support the girl/family, AS LONG AS SHE STAYS UPCOUNTRY WITH HER WHEN YOUR NOT HERE !
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 7:48 am on July 29, 2003
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John NM
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TPE,
Many figures have been used here for the dowry or marriage money. In your opinion, what is reasonable for say a gril from Bangkok or one from Esaan?
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Sexy Bangkok Girls
Posted on: 8:31 am on July 29, 2003
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thaiprivateeye
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Good question - Ive seen from 0-500,000 paid, no gurantee of a better result, - often 100,000 is mentioned, as a nice round figure, sometimes a good percentage is returned, in my case [Essan] it was 20,000 ! - some gold, very small I may add - BUT, against that, I get hit up monthly for a further "donation' from the destitute in-laws ... You need to judge the family, most can not handle large sums, - so I think a token gesture, say of 1 baht gold [7,000] each for mum and dad, and 50,000bt - plus the odd hand out afterwards, is reasonable - once they start asking for more - I feel the money is becomming more importantant than the Guy - Of course if the girl is actually from bangkok [ VERY rare] and her parents live here, and have land here, they must be much better off, possibly Thai/Chinese, in which case, yes, money is much more important, can run into the 10s of millions of baht ! - Houses/Business/Land etc often expected - in which case I would take the Girl to a western country for a while first, get her westernized, then she will be able to explain to her parents Thai way does not apply any more ! Of course many of the girls that a foreigner wil meet, have been "brought" once already .... strangely, this dosent often mean we get a discount ....TIT
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 1:24 am on Aug. 4, 2003
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Marco
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I have experience of two friends who engaged/married girls from middle-class-to-wealthy families. In the first case the parents asked only for some gold to be displayed at the ceremony with the other offerings, then it was given to the girl.
In the second case the bride's father thought it was really stupid to change my friend's $ to baths just for the ceremony. So in the morning he withdrew 1million bahts in cash from his own account, gave it to my friend so he can show it at the ceremony and then put it back in the bank.
These were educated but not westernized families and from what I see in the middle-upper class, the dowry issue is more and more symbolic as the families don't want to put a heavy burden on the couple. On the contrary.
In both cases the couples received a lot of gold and money from the guests and the family. It was to help pay the ceremony and give their marriage a lucky start.
And in the other marriages I have seen in Bangkok (Thai with Thai) there was always a lot of gold and money GIVEN to the couples.
In a relationship with a BG money is of course more of an issue. And Isaan farmers are a world of their own.
Nonetheless you have to consider that if the girl was to marry a Thai from the same class as hers, the family would get only a fraction of what you will offer.
So make them happy *by their standards*. Consider a monthly income of 4,000 baths for a poor farmers family, if you give them 50,000 it is 1 year of income.
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Bangkok Women : Meet Beautiful Thai Girls
Posted on: 2:27 am on Aug. 4, 2003
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Vikingblood
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Married twice with Isaan girls and both times I have given gold + money for the marry seremony.
Both times the mother gave it back to here doughter.
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 3:56 am on Aug. 4, 2003
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Packripper
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Among Thais, the sin sot is only NOT returned to the bride and groom if the girl is of the lower classes.
"At time of marriage" and "at time of engagement" is often confused. For typical middle class (and up) couples... you're married here when you go down to the amphur and get your marriage registered (not at the wedding party and typically not in any "do you take this person to be your lawfully wedded..." type ceremony). This can be before or after the wedding party (often held in homes or hotels) and of course after the engagement party. The engagement party is when you see the money come out. The grooms provides whatever sum he wishes to present to the bride's family. TYPICALLY this is returned with a matching amount or greater on top of that. For example, you put 800k to 2 million cash down on the ceremonial tray with perhaps 100-200k cash in an envelope on top of that. The bride's family will "push back" the 800-2 million and keep the smaller envelope as a gift. On top of that, they will sometimes match the 800-2 million as a gift for the newlyweds to get started (as the daughter is now traditionally ineligible for familiy inheritance). Anyway, all of this is well discussed beforehand, and it's all just ceremonial.
It's unlikely though that a farang would get the same deal unless he can prove that he is already established financially and socially in Thailand.
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Thai Girls : Meet Active Thai Girls
Posted on: 1:06 pm on Sep. 27, 2003
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DrLove
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2,000 baht gold that is roughly THB 16,000,000! Probably it's two baht of gold ...
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 2:29 pm on Sep. 27, 2003
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ABC
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NEP:
NOt sure what happened, since your last post was July, 29. BUT .......
Before you go any further, I suggest you hire a P.I to check out the information she gave you. It will go a long way to understanding what you are actually getting yourself into.
A P.I can find out all her bank account info, phone records, family credit history, ect. Then you will know if she is indeed still working and if she has another sponsor because the accounts will reflect this. I know because I've gotten this information from a P.I who kept me very well informed on the bank account and phone activities of the tg's that were investigated.
During the time that the P.I is doing the work, then you can think about the traditions and all. I agree that you should meet on middle group. So what if it's not your tradition, but it is hers. You can compromise on the amount, but I believe if you want to marry her in the future that you pay some sort of engagement money.
Just my opinion though. Good luck.
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 6:39 pm on Oct. 8, 2003
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