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expatchuck
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A couple of golf jokes.
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GOLF LESSONS
A man goes to a golf pro for some advice on his grip.
"Well, what should I do?" asked the man.
"Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast."
Taking the advice, he took a swing, and POW, he hit the ball 250 yards straight up the fairway. The ecstatic man went back home telling his wife the good news about his lesson, and, the wife couldn't wait for her lesson.
The next day, the wife went for her lesson.
The pro watched her swing and said, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard."
"What can I do?" asked the wife.
"Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's manhood."
The wife listened carefully to the pro's advice, took a swing, and, THUMP!-- the ball skipped down the fairway about 15 feet.
"You know, that was a lot better than I expected," the pro said. "Now, take the club out of your mouth, and, hold it in your hand."
...and...
Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them,
"Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up".
Sure, they said, you’re welcome.
So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the
newcomer,
"What do you do for a living?"
I’m a hit man," was the reply.
"You're joking!” was the response.
"No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight.
"Here are my tools."
That's a beautiful telescopic sight,” said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here".
So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house.
"Yeah, I can see my house all right. "This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window. Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom".
"Ha Ha, I can see she's naked!! Wait a minute, that's my neighbour in there with her......He's naked, too!!! The bitch!"
He turned to the hit man. “How much do you charge for a hit?"
"I'll do a flat rate, for you: One thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger."
"Can you do two for me now?"
“Sure, what do you want?”
"First, shoot my wife; she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbour, he's supposed to be a friend of mine, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson."
The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes.
“Are you gonna do it or not?" asked the friend impatiently.
"Just be patient," said the hit man calmly, "I think I can save ya a grand here."
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 7:36 am on Sep. 1, 2013
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SHEIKH14
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One day Teacher was talking about marriage in class...
Teacher : What kind of wife would you like Johnny ?
Johnny : I would want a wife like the moon...
Teacher : Wow !! what a choice...
do you want her to be cool & calm like the moon ?
Johnny : No, no...
Teacher : oh so u want her to be round and white ?
Johny : No, no...
Teacher : Oh, so u want her to be fair and beautiful like d moon ?
Johny : No, no...
I want her to arrive at night and disappear in the morning...
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Bangkok Women : Meet Sensual Bangkok Women
Posted on: 8:35 am on Mar. 20, 2014
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thailife
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Sensitivity Training For Men
* I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair; but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning!
* The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did. She's 25, and her name's Betty.
* Went to our local bar with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
* My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's three schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."
* The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.
* My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.
* The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 1:29 pm on Mar. 25, 2014
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PussyLover 69
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KAMASUTRA LESSONS:
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1. Kamasutra says : If you suck one nipple, the women herself offers the other one. And that was the origin of "buy one get one free"!
2. Did you ever notice: everything on a woman's upper body starts with a "B". Blouse, Bra, Bikini, Boobs & lower body with a "P" Peticoat, panties, pussy...No wonder men suffer from high B P!
3. Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself. Moral: In life no one helps you once you're screwed.
4. Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got screwed to achieve it.
5. What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction? What the f***! and What a f***!
6. 3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!
7. Life is like a dick, sometimes it becomes hard for no reason.
8. Practical thought: A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes. A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life..!
Now that I've educated. you, go ahead and educate someone else.
When a lady is pregnant,
all her friends touch her stomach ad say "Congrats!".
But none of them come and touch the man's Penis and say "Well done!".
Moral: Hard work is never appreciated: Only result matters..
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Sexy Bangkok Girls
Posted on: 11:17 pm on April 15, 2014
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bkkz
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Russian Hotel Brochure
A friend went to Russia for the Olympics recently and was given this
brochure by the hotel
It is precious. She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels
depressed. Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from
Russian to English.
Getting There:
Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel
runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water.
You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go
round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always
tries to have intercourse with all new guests.
The hotel:
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are
always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in
the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in
the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are
not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no
guest is ever left alone to play with them self.
The Restaurant:
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At
dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.
Your Room:
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter,
every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of
outstanding obscenity! You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since
the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.
Bed
Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any
other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her.
She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If
asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.
Above all:
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You
will struggle to forget it."
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 9:52 am on April 17, 2014
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vox
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That's one of the funniest things I've read in a while. I'm not exactly sure why, but I burst out laughing at something in every paragraph.
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Bangkok Women : Meet Beautiful Thai Girls
Posted on: 2:41 pm on April 17, 2014
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Ghatotkach
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The closing paragraph is terrific! After all this, who can forget it !!
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 3:19 am on April 18, 2014
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bkkz
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I'd love to see the Russian version. 
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Thai Girls : Meet Active Thai Girls
Posted on: 3:22 am on April 18, 2014
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nootbkk
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Do you know what thai ladies say about japanes :
they say : 555
5 centimeters
5 minutes
5 thousands baths
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 7:39 am on April 18, 2014
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PussyLover 69
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Favourite Patients
4 surgeons sat around discussing their favourite patients type.
1st surgeon: I like operating on librarians. When you open them up, everything is in alphabetical order.
2nd surgeon: I like operating on accountants. When you open them up, everything is in numerical order.
3rd surgeon: I like operating on electricians. When you open them up, everything is color coded.
The 4th surgeon: I like operating on politicians.
The other three look at each other in disbelief.
He continues: Because they're heartless, gutless, spineless, and the butts & brains are interchangeable.
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 9:46 am on April 18, 2014
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