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Arcadius
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I definitely would be wary of thinking any customer-supplier relationship along these lines would really turn into binding love
Well, I disagree (I mean, I think it is at least possible if not probable), but in any case I think the key word there is 'binding'. We're in danger here of confusing 'falling in love' with 'selecting a life-long mate'. Personally, I don't see why the first needs to imply the second at all, although it may.
Let's take a common enough scenario. You're in a bar with a BG, you fancy her (lust) and you seem to hit it off quite well (the 'click'). You decide to take her for LT. You discover that you hit it off in bed as well, and having got to know her a bit better, you find that you actually like her a lot. In fact, now that you come to think about it, you'll be hard-pressed to do much better. A brief internal struggle, and then... oh what the hell, you might as well dump those plans for 5 days of promiscuous abandon and take her with you to Samui.
Will she want to come, though? She does. You find yourself feeling more chuffed about this than you ought to.
Three days pass. She's consistently delightful, you're very glad to be with her, you never tire of her. She seems anxious to do whatever it takes to please you, and she's very good at it. OK, you know this is her job and you're paying for it, but you have to admit that the service is quite exceptional and you're grateful. In fact, just chucking her some money seems very inadequate repayment for the wonderful experience she's giving you. You start wanting to please her too, and you get a kick when you succeed. So, gradually, your own pleasure becomes bound up with hers.
Then, one night, passion spent, you're watching her sleeping with a sappy smile on your face, and you're suddenly hit by a strong wave of tenderness for her. So what's this then? It's not just 'lust' - you're way past thinking of her only as a pretty piece of girlmeat. 'Like' is hopelessly inadequate. What does that leave? Admit it, you've gone and fallen for her. You know you're not supposed to, but there it is.
In all likelihood, she's an ill-educated rice farmer's daughter from Isaan, and young enough to be your own daughter. You know she's quite unsuitable as a potential lifetime partner, even if you're available. You don't even entertain the possibility.
Nevertheless, you've gone and fallen in love with her. Oh yes you have. You know already that you're going to feel wretched when you have to say good-bye to her, and that she'll be on your mind a lot during the bleak months to come in farangland. You're never going to forget her either. Ý
Imho, love is just something that happens to you. It's outside your control. What you do about it is certainly under your control. But that's something else.
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 1:14 am on May 21, 2003
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PopSecret
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Acardius,
I've meant to say this before, but this is the first time I've gotten around to it.
You put thoughts to words with incredible skill.
I wish there were more people like you. Not just on message boards, but in society at large.
Keep up the good work! Even when I don't agree with you, I find it very difficult to argue with you.
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Bangkok Women : Meet Sensual Bangkok Women
Posted on: 1:33 am on May 21, 2003
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cmore
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Very beautifully stated brother Arcadius. I agree with brother Pop. You do know your stuff  . Peace
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 1:37 am on May 21, 2003
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ChicagoGuy
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Good post Arcadius. ÝYou have described beautifully what happens from the guys point of view. ÝI'd be very interested in what you have to say about what this farmgirl from Issan is thinking and feeling! ÝCare to give it a try?
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Sexy Bangkok Girls
Posted on: 10:39 am on May 23, 2003
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craigoz
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Arc,
"You know she's quite unsuitable as a potential lifetime partner, even if you're available. You don't even entertain the possibility"
QUESTION: Why not (entertain the idea) and what makes this a forgone conclusion on his behalf (ie That he knows it wont work)?
"Unsuitable as a potential lifetime partner" - Some might suggest that he has this perception, because she is,
1. Poor and possibly has family dependents.
2. Uneducated to the same level as him.
3. Has a sexual history which worries him Ýor in some way threatens him.
4 Just too young for him and he questions what other might say or think about the two of them together.
5. Culturally different.
I would suggest that it is none of the above and more likely that if he has gone their with this pre-concieved view, because,
(a) He doesn't want it to work because as he has been burnt emotionally before (divorce)and doesn't want to put himself in the same position again. So, he keeps some of his feelings in reserve, finds it hard to fully commit and finds its much easier emotionally - to just pay the field.
(b) Or has been convinced by others that it cant work, so he doesn't really need to try.
(c) Or he is just passing through Ýand really hasn't got the time that is necessary to get to know her as a potential partner.
I would rank the order of probability as
(a) Ý75%
(c) Ý20%
(b) Ý 5%
Be interested to hear why most have this pre-concieved view before they even meet or get to know the girl?
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 11:35 pm on May 23, 2003
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Smegma
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Craig,
That sentence from Arc. that you quote, he uses talking about the guy once he has fallen in love; but the guy thinks about she being unsuitable as potential "life-time" partner.
Your (A) is a very good reason for many men for not "falling" again. As you say, it could also be a reason for him not willing to commit because he has been hurt before. But if the man erects this wall to protect himself, this wall would help avoid falling for any girl, including "good" girls from his own culture.
I think that among the many (there are more) reasons why he may think that she is unsuitable as life-time partner, the ones you mention -in your 1 to 5- are probably some of them.
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Bangkok Women : Meet Beautiful Thai Girls
Posted on: 11:49 pm on May 23, 2003
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thaiprivateeye
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Have to add a story here, I think I had been in LOS maybe2 or 3 years, figured i knew all the answers, and that all i needed in life was a very young, pretty, subservant TG to live with me, and all would be fine and dandy. Found the model working at Pratunam, a real cutie, IQ minimal, but that was irrelevant [ well, at the time ] so she moved in with me, all was OK for a month or two, till the novelty sort of wore off, and remember very clearly, what spealt out for me that although this scenario had been my "perfect answer/dream" it was not so, in reality.
I had come home from a long day, at the time a Marketing manager for a large hotel, all I wanted was to just put my feet up and relax for an hour or two ... this 18 yr. old little glamour, then proceeds to undress me, do all she can to arouse the jaded farang, eventually managing to force a weak effort out of me ... she then asks me with a big smile, "now can I have 30 baht to go buy some somtum" !!! - I said why the hell didnt you just ask me for the 30 baht in the first place, - at that stage I realised ms Mae's days were numbered, dont know where she ended up, but hope she did OK, she was a very pretty, honest, simple TG ... - probably summed up by her reply one day, when I asked her what she really aspired to do in her life, " well, one day, if I have money, I would really like to have a small noodle shop in my village " ......
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 12:01 am on May 24, 2003
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Arcadius
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Why not (entertain the idea) and what makes this a forgone conclusion on his behalf (ie That he knows it wont work)?
Why not indeed? I certainly don't agree with the idea that it can't work - and anyone who shoulders the risks and puts a real effort into making it work has my best wishes. That goes for the two of them. Ý
All I was trying to do there was talk through the 'falling in love with a BG' process from the pov of one fairly typical guy. And to make the point that just because you cannot - or will not - commit to her (for whatever reason), it doesn't make you any less susceptible to Cupid's arrows. Sure, a different guy might very well say: 'What the f_ck, I've got nothing else in my life, I'll give it a go.'
We often talk about 'love' here in terms of the big C. I tend to think of it as strong engagement of the tender emotions. Other people might call this 'infatuation', but that's only a semantic quibble. Part of the problem we have is that English (usually so rich in vocabulary) falls down completely in this department. We get one pathetic little word to describe many different (tho related) states of mind and types of emotional connection.
I think TPE's story is very interesting. He falls for this girl Mae, instals her as his live-in lover, but then tires of her after 'a month or two'. I suspect that many of the BGs we fall for might also become tiresome if we had to live with them for any length of time. Most tourists are with their BGs for a couple of weeks at most, and the relationship is brutally cut short when enchantment is still at full flood. That's why the separation hurts like buggery. If they'd carried on for two months, the magic might well have started to wear off. Passion doesn't always mutate into something quieter but deeper - sometimes it just evaporates.
Expats are in a slightly different boat. Most relationships with BGs tend to be episodic rather than continuous, but last a lot longer. I've accumulated a small group of 'part-time mistresses' I've known for various lengths of time - all working girls. I feel strong affection for all of them and one in particular rings my bell loud & clear. I find myself thinking about her a lot.
As I'm already 'committed', and have no intention of getting uncommitted, there's nothing much I can offer these women. All I can do is love them, take an interest in them, throw a bit of regular (& hopefully not too uncongenial) business their way. I know they give me far more than I give them, and I am grateful. I won't see any of them more than twice a month (at most), because I don't WANT to tire of them. At any event, I don't see why love has to lead anywhere. You can just live in the present (like most BGs do, of course) and enjoy it purely for its own sake for as long as you can hold onto it. Does that make it any less real?
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Thai Girls : Meet Active Thai Girls
Posted on: 7:22 am on May 24, 2003
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nokna
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i have to agree with many of Arcs points.
"Most tourists are with their BGs for a couple of weeks at most, and the relationship is brutally cut short when enchantment is still at full flood. That's why the separation hurts like buggery. If they'd carried on for two months, the magic might well have started to wear off. Passion doesn't always mutate into something quieter but deeper - sometimes it just evaporates."
this is a very good point.
i agree that many people only see the girls for a short time period.
but i met a girl and returned twice to see her again.
yes i was probably infatuated with her(and still am) and would it have worked if we lived together?,i don't know.
but would love the chance to find out.
i have not seen her for almost a year and still think of her every day.
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 7:39 am on May 24, 2003
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peterpan
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Nockna
Agree with you whole heartingly.
But wonder ,if its not love can someone define what it is.
I miss Little every day,and have just found out that she had a stroke last week and has been in hospital.
I feel a shite for not being there for her. I wouldn't call that infatuation. We have been together for a month, and nothing wore off, in fact it made it harder to leave.
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 2:49 pm on May 24, 2003
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