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cyborg
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CiaoCiao,
I appreciate your thoughful response but I disagree that I imply that conversation is inherently confrontational. I am merely mentioning that I realize that Thais generally avoid confrontation of any sort and I wish to do it too.I would not necessarily consider a discussion about our future to be a confrontation but I think Thais might. I have specifically told her that I do not see how we can be together and gave the reasons why. I have told her that I like her and care about her. This is all true. I do agree that there may be some subtle messages (Actions speak louder than words) that suggest possibilities. IE Going back to visit her.
I just don't want her to get hurt AND I want a pleasant time with her. I think if we have a discussion right away that I do not intend to "Try to make us-together happen" that it will put a sour mood onto this trip.
It is easy to say just tell her upfront but it will be a different thing altogether to see her face when she truly realizes she isn't going to be flown to Amereeka to be treated as a princesss.
I never promised her anything. Particularly not a rose garden or a new life of leisure.
Cyborg
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 1:37 pm on Jan. 18, 2004
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Arcadius
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I want to have a nice time with her but if she begins seriously pressuring me to marry her (Out of the question, we have only been together for 8 days so far) I dont know a non confrontational way of defusing that
cyborg
I tend to agree with CiaoCiao that you're probably making too much out of this. While it's certainly true that Thais dislike confrontation, they certainly don't believe that anyone they ask to marry them is obliged to agree. And especially not if they've known them for a mere 8 days.
What is the truth here? You're coming back to LOS because you like a her a lot and want to be with her again. No harm in telling her this. If she starts mentioning marriage, just make it clear that you think people need to know each other an awful lot better before considering anything like that. So maybe your relationship will lead somewhere in future, maybe it won't... who can tell at this stage?
Believe me, she won't have any trouble understanding this. They're not idiots. Anyway, you should be able to make it clear that if she's seriously interested in you she's just going to have to play it long, because you're not an idiot either. No reason why all this can't be handled in a tactful, non-confrontational manner.
OK, if she won't get the message and goes on and on about it, THEN you have a problem. But if that happens, she's the one who's being unreasonable, and the one causing a confrontational situation.
Just be sincere with her and hope she responds accordingly. If she doesn't, then what more could you do anyway?
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Bangkok Women : Meet Sensual Bangkok Women
Posted on: 2:41 pm on Jan. 18, 2004
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Ballsburstin
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cyborg,
I think you're getting some good advice from the bro's here. Regarding timelines, I can only tell you what I know from my own experiences. I met my TGF 2 years ago, and was lost the minute I met her (infatuated, but still rational, fortunately). That was in late February. She was 23 1/2 y.o. at the time, I was 44. I went back to LOS in April/May that year to spend more time with her, and to travel throughout other parts of SE Asia.
It was on Koh Lanta in April that we really connected, and for 2 months thereafter we talked via email and telephone about how she might transition from the bar scene. I told her finishing school (12th grade) was a requirement for me. Everything else was "up to her." She tried to do school and work at the same time. It was clear by June this wasn't going to work, so she called me and said she wanted to get an apartment and just do school.
So we got her an apartment, and in the process we talked about her working. She said she really didn't want to work until she finished school, and I said fine, I'll support you until you get school done, but you have to work on it and finish. (I still cherish the photo she sent me after she had gotten all her stuff set up in her new apartment. She even had her little framed photo of us on the headboard of the bed. She was beaming with pride in that photo and it damn near brought a tear to this jaded punter's eye.)
Things progressed, and in September, I was in LOS for another month and we went up north were I met her family (including the grandparents I'd mentioned in other threads).
Two years later, she has stuck to the agreement, and is doing 11th grade right now. In the interim, she has also taken additional computer and bookkeeping classes, and tried her hand at working a noodle cart with her auntie. She will be done with school in April 2005, knock on wood. Then we will have to make some serious decisions about what we are going to do.
So is it reasonable to want to wait to get married? I think so, and I think the ladies understand this. Yes, security and marriage often seem to come before love in Asia, but love does grow, if both parties nurture it. To make it work, you have to put your natural jealousies on hold, given the nature of her profession, and be ready for lots of false starts and shaky steps. It has been worth it for me, and I still don't know where my novel will end. But I regret none of it.
- Balls
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 1:43 am on Jan. 19, 2004
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Soi Magpie
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Quote: from Ballsburstin on 2:43 pm on Jan. 19, 2004
To make it work, you have to put your natural jealousies on hold, given the nature of her profession, and be ready for lots of false starts and shaky steps. It has been worth it for me, and I still don't know where my novel will end. But I regret none of it.
- Balls
Good for you!! I am still learning to curb my jealousy of knowing she is in the arms of another man!!
I believe love will grow with time to and my sincerity will show her I am serious about her. There are many who insist money will always get in the way to prevent any real love though.
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Sexy Bangkok Girls
Posted on: 2:08 am on Jan. 19, 2004
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Soi Magpie
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Quote: from hzink on 2:31 am on Jan. 19, 2004
Quote: from Soi Magpie on 12:37 am on Jan. 19, 2004
Now ofcourse I am regretting it a little as I hate to know of her working.
Better get used to it! If you truly love someone, then you accept them for what they are, and what they do. If she has specific reasons why she works, and she mentions that she doesn't want to stop working, THEN LET HER!
Two reasons:
- It's her life, you are just passing through.
- By not insisting she stop working, you are tactically turning the tables. If she asks "You no want me to stop working", just casually reply "Oh, teerak, if it's what you want to do, I'm happy for you".
See where that goes. Either way, this seems to be more of an issue with your feelings and your emotions wanting to stake the claim of ownership, and thus being hard on yourself because she is working. Realize that this is how you met her, and accept it.
Harry
She agree to stop work on Valentines Day. I suggested earlier but she refused. My guess is she wants to accumulate as much as possible now before she retires.
I do agree on the tactics of turning the table though I think she will see through me knowing I am crazy about her.
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 2:11 am on Jan. 19, 2004
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Triyclops
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Soi Magpie, there is no better feeling than Being in Love. Go for it.. 
TC
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Bangkok Women : Meet Beautiful Thai Girls
Posted on: 2:35 am on Jan. 19, 2004
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ColoradoGuy
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Quote: from Soi Magpie on 2:11 am on Jan. 19, 2004
She agree to stop work on Valentines Day. I suggested earlier but she refused. My guess is she wants to accumulate as much as possible now before she retires.
I hate to be a pessimist, but what do you think the chances are of her stopping working unless she is hundreds of kilometers away from any p4p opportunities?
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 2:40 am on Jan. 19, 2004
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Kryptonite
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What's love got to do with it? Love is a disease, the sooner you cure yourself of it, the sooner you will be a happy man.
"Marry for money, you can always find someone to f_ck later." Some great advice my Grandfather gave me.
Krypto
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Thai Girls : Meet Active Thai Girls
Posted on: 2:47 am on Jan. 19, 2004
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Kryptonite
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Well, my wife has no money. But her family has some money, alot more than me. 
They have a recycling business (contracts with Macro & Lotus), a karokee bar (pulls in some serious baht), a noodle shop (opening tomorrow) & alot of land (at least 80 rai that I know of).
Krypto
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 3:07 am on Jan. 19, 2004
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