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Ballsburstin
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MrJoe,
There are a number of Fatal Attraction stories in the Bangkok Post now and again. You certainly don't want your TG throwing herself (or you) to the crocodiles!
BTW, the hours rush by ... will be in LOS next week in the arms of my TG (for nearly a month). That still looks 555. She's even bought herself a new skirt and shoes to surprise me with at the airport. Cute.
In response to zzzZ's concerns about getting too serious too fast, I think TGs are famous for being protective of their territory (yep, that means you, brother zzzZ). But if zzzZ's TG has the kind heart he suspects, then she will expect a progression in the relationship, more so than would a Western lady. Every lady has a different "internal calendar" for this, but I've yet to meet one that didn't. I think you can slow the pace of this somewhat, while still allowing you to learn about and grow with each other. But if she's serious, she will expect you one day to marry her. So you'd have to ask yourself if this is what you want.
I'm not exactly an old fart yet, but I'm not a spring chicken in my 20's anymore -- I've gotten a lot of the ST/LT out of my system (maybe I'll go through another phase of that in my 70's, ha!). So for me, the answer to "would I marry my lady in BKK?" is yes, if we find that we can truly grow together. We won't know the answer to this for a while, but since we are both happy with the pace of our relationship, we have the time to find out.
zzzZ, if you find that her expectation of the pace of your relationship is radically different from yours, than you'll need to talk about this, or you will have a lot of friction that might unnecesarily tear apart your relationship. As a practical matter, I wouldn't worry too much yet, 3 months isn't a long time, you still have plenty of time.
-Balls
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 1:57 am on Aug. 28, 2002
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MrJoe
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Yet another fine contribution from BallsB! (One of the names I always look for under "Last 25".) Wasn't that a trip?! That woman throwing herself to the crocs!
Let me say that IMO BallsB is correct when he speaks of an "internal calendar" that has more impact than it would on a western woman. ÝThere are some basic cultural/social reasons; Only two of which are;
A)Much greater empphasis on defining one's self through marriage - for both women and men in this country you are not truly a successful, "good" member of society if you don't have a mate - as opposed to a western woman who might be admired for her independence. And let's not forget how important other people's perception of them is to a Thai.
B) Quite simply there are no mechanisms in which a person's welfare will be looked after by the state. ÝUnless they are reasonably wealthy, their future almost completey depends on having a spouse - as opposed to a western woman; even one who wasn't wealthy would have a much easier (not necessarily easy but easier)time on her own.
I think BallsB has given you some very good advice. Ý
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Bangkok Women : Meet Sensual Bangkok Women
Posted on: 2:19 am on Aug. 28, 2002
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MrJoe
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zzzZ,
I meant to give you a more complete answer but I think BallsB covered it. I was serious about the fact that TGs have been known to go completely insane over rejection (second only to the jealousy rage), but at the least "you will have a lot of friction that might unnecesarily tear apart your relationship." as BallsBB put it so well.
I agree also that it's too early to worry but not to soon to consider.
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 7:57 am on Aug. 28, 2002
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zzzZ
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Good advice, I think. I'm fully aware of the jealously that most thai girls possess, and mine is no exception to that...man oh man. Was in a disco last month and she was dancing with my friend for a while. She went to the bathroom and some girl came up to her and asked her if she was sleeping with both of us and that I was looking at her and could she go with me! My TG got furious, first because she isn't/wasn't working and second because she thought I was looking at that girl. Turns out that I wasn't looking at her and didn't even know what girl she was talking about (and I never found out). But that didn't stop a huge fight. At least it ended with fantastic make-up sex that made the whole thing ok in the end :-)
My TG hasn't pushed for marriage, or anything like that, but I am definitely getting a lot of "i love you so much" type things that make me wonder. And in an email she once said "I will be a very good wife to you" which was either a lapse in her english or a subtle hint about something...
3 months is not a long time, and you are right that things will take their natural course. However, 3 months is not a long time for a lot of "i love you's" either. At least it hasn't been that way for me in the past. In any event, it's all harmless so far and I'm enjoying my time with her emmensely.
But man is she the jealous type. Guess that runs with the territory as I've seen it in lot's of other TG's as well in the past....
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Sexy Bangkok Girls
Posted on: 8:36 am on Aug. 28, 2002
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Ballsburstin
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zzzZ,
This comes under the title, "Every lady, BGs included, is an individual." My TG would take a very different tack if she were approached in the bathroom by a TG asking her that question. She would just get a bit sullen and then come back out and sit by me. And then I would probably never know why she suddenly got so quiet (she wouldn't want to lose face by telling me what happened).
I remember once, she said, "teelak, I not care if you do short time, short time, but then I just go away." She said this with a sad look on her face -- I think this is the kind of behavior she had come to expect from men and was a bit surprised when things didn't work out that way. So, yep, she's as jealous as any TG, but she expresses it differently, by cutting her losses, not my private parts!
- Balls
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 11:58 am on Aug. 28, 2002
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MrJoe
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zzzZ,
As Balls put it, "Every lady, BGs included, is an individual." Clearly this applies to all people, but after almost 20 yrs of close observation allow me to generalize a bit; Ýlet me tell you that the unfounded irrational jealousy, as opposed to one that has some basis (or appearance of) misconduct on your part is a SERIOUS warning sign IMO. It is an indication of some severe insecurity at the least. And it will cause lots of problems.
I strongly believe it will never end and due to the nature of its cause, will probably increase in severity. I
have had GFs who were sweet, kind, and oh so loving - but had to deal with escalating insaneness every once in a while. Eventually the make up sex is not compensation enough.
At the risk of sounding like I'm saying there's only one RIGHT kind of girl -which of course is ridiculous, who am I to say what's good for you- there is "another kind" of girl (I'm simplifying, I don't mean to say that there are only 2 kinds of girls) who is not irrational in that sense and when she IS jealous, she won't act like a lunatic. I went out with a couple like that and I married one. ÝBalls' girl sounds to me like she has ALL the right signs of being a keeper and this is one of those signs IMO.
As for the "wife" comment. ÝIt's partly semantic, partly cultural; ÝIf you begin to have a committed sexual relationship with someone, you are their "puua" (husband) and she is your "mia" (wife) - regardless of whether you're married or not. ÝSo it's just a word, right? Yes and no.
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Bangkok Women : Meet Beautiful Thai Girls
Posted on: 8:25 pm on Aug. 28, 2002
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zzzZ
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Thanks MrJoe. Agree with you and will "watch it" closely. In this case it wasn't entirely unfounded because a girl went out of her way to approach my TG and say I was looking at her. I think she certainly over-reacted, but it was brought on by something very specific. If that sort of thing keeps up it will certainly signal a problem and I don't need that.... it would be too bad as this TG is a killer in every other way (no pun intended).
Back in LOS in 2 weeks. Maybe I'll try just "glancing" at some girls while I"m with her as a test :-) Don't think it is possible to hang out in LOS without a stray glance once in a while, huh? I will keep you up to date on what happens!! :-)
Oh, and by the way, I clearly found that the best way to put an end to any senseless fight like that was to call her bluff and just say "I'm outta here". She'd be on my tail in seconds begging me not to go.... ;-)
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 8:37 pm on Aug. 28, 2002
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MrJoe
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zzzZ,
I fear I'm going to piss you off by the time I'm finished but here goes...
First of all, I don't know your girl but I have no problem believing that she is a fine person and clearly I don't have enough information (nor the right) to judge her in any way. But if I am allowed to make a hypothetical study based on what you've told us...
First of all, I'm not calling your girl a liar but allow me to be devil's advocate;how do you know someone came up to her at all? What would such a girl hope to accomplish by telling your GF this story? You say "Why would she lie?" That's where the irrational part comes in. The type of girl I'm talking about (again, I don't know if this applies to your girl) NEEDS the drama and if it doesn't occur will manufacture it. Besides, even if some girl did come up to her - are you sure that is sufficient cause to give YOU grief?
As for her chasing after you when you threaten her, I'm sorry man but that is so typical and it's part of the pattern that requires 2 people to establish. She abuses you, you react, she makes up for it - you both feel better- love has triumphed. IMO it isn't healthy or conducive to a successful relationship and how many times can you do that before you one or both of you feel that it's a silly game?
For now let me say one more time that your girl might be totallly different from what I conjecture. I mean her no disrespect and of course you are the only one fit to decide. My intentions are good, honest.
Have I pissed you off yet? I'm not done!
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Thai Girls : Meet Active Thai Girls
Posted on: 9:38 pm on Aug. 28, 2002
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Ballsburstin
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MrJoe,
your comments about "puua" and "mia" intrigue me. To Western ears, Thai ladies appear a bit vague when they use comments like, "he my boyfriend" or "he my husband." For instance, I was talking with my TG about some crap her ex-husband (the yaba freak) pulled, and she referred to him both as her "boyfriend" and her "husband." She was married upcountry in a local (no certifticate) ceremony, so I suppose in her mind, the distinction is a bit tenuous? (Just guessing here, could be way off base.) Likewise they were "divorced" just as unceremoniously. I've not asked too many questions about this yet, because I think it's still a fairly recent and unpleasant memory.
So my question: I've read a bit about the semantics of these words in Thai culture, but not being an expat, and being a new student of the language, I profess ignorance here. Perhaps you or some of the other expats with some years under your belts could shed some light on this culturalism? Thanks, look forward to the sociology lesson.
BTW, brother zzzZ, my own tolerance for the brand of jealousy your TG showed is pretty low -- just me, and I mean no disrespect, but I've had relationships with too much jealous "drama" (hat nod to MrJoe for that word) and found, in the end, it killed the relationship for me. Even the great make-up sex couldn't keep that boat afloat. And, ultimately, it's a boat I realized I don't want to embark anymore. Anyway, best of luck, we're all fishin' in murky water.
- Balls
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 10:07 pm on Aug. 28, 2002
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cmore
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Hey guys, it's nice to be back on my favorite topic. Looks like us four are the only ones left here at the moment. Haven't noticed any post from brother Vinny for a while. Hope he's okay. Anyway I've got a few words of wisdom ( Or in my case insanity ) for brother Z but they'll have to wait until tomorrow because it's way past time for Cmore to go beddie bye. I just wanted to give you guys the latest update. I will be in Bangkok on Sept. 23,24,25. Then in Cha Am on 26&27. Then back to Bangkok on Saturday 28 and home Sunday morning. So the 23,24,25 are the days I have available if anyone is still interested in getting together for dinner. Now the only one of us that probably couldn't make it for dinner is brother Balls B because he's leaving on the 24 and wants to spend his last night on the 23 with his lady. I too have plans for a date with my lady on the 23, but maybe brother Balls might be up for a compromise. I know you want to spend your last night with your lady brother Balls, but at some point the 2 of you need to eat ( All those prayer meetings build up an appetite  ). So here's what I propose. I can convince my lady to postpone our big date until the next night on the 24th if you and Ms. Balls B can come up for air for just 90 minutes. One hour and a half for a dinner break and to refuel ( You'll need to build up your strength for round 18 right? ). And if the brothers who want to join us are agreeable we'd even be willing to let you pick the restaurant. Preferrably the one closest to your hotel so that you and Ms. Balls B can walk there. Any chance of making that happen? I'll talk to mine if you talk to yours. If we can all agree on a time and you pick the place then the 90 minute clock starts when you and Ms. B enter the restaurant. No pressure brother B. If you can't make it then that's that. Think about it and let us know. It's just that it would be a shame if myself and brothers Z, Vinny, and Mr. Joe didn't get the chance to finally meet the magnificent Ms. B in person. I seriously want this ladies autograph. Think about it and let us know if it might be possible. No hard feelings if it isn't. Have fun in LOS next month. Peace
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 1:08 am on Aug. 29, 2002
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