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thewiz
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A Florida couple, both well into their 70s, go to a sex therapist’s office.
The doctor asks, ‘What can I do for you?’
The man says, ‘Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?’
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees. When the couple finishes, the doctor says, ‘There’s absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.’ He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, charges them $50 and says good bye.
The next week, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.
This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.
Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, ‘I’m sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?’
The man says, ‘We’re not trying to find out anything. She’s married and we can’t go to her house. I’m married and we can’t go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We come here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare."
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 11:05 pm on Oct. 24, 2009
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thewiz
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Sam had been in business for 25 years and is finally
sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres
of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible.
Sam sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once
a month.
Otherwise it's total peace and quiet. After six months
or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his
door. He opens it and there is a huge, bearded man standing there.
"Name's Jack, your neighbor from forty miles up the road...
Having a Christmas party Friday night... Thought you might
like to come. About 5:00..."
"Great," says Sam, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."
As Jack is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you... There's
gonna be some drinkin'.
"Not a problem," says Sam. "After 25 years in business,
I can drink with the best of em."
Again, as Jack starts to leave, he stops. "More 'n' likely
gonna be some fightin' too."
Sam says, "Well, I get along with people, I'll be alright.
I'll be there. Thanks again."
Once again Jack turns from the door. "More'n likely be
some wild sex, too."
"Now that's really not a problem," says Sam, warming to
the idea.
"I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there.
By the way, what should I wear?"
Jack stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want.
Just gonna be the two of us."
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Bangkok Women : Meet Sensual Bangkok Women
Posted on: 11:10 pm on Oct. 24, 2009
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thewiz
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These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
____________________________________________
And the best for last
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 11:33 pm on Oct. 24, 2009
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thewiz
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1. If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry !
Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!
2. Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is like
expecting the lion not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.
Think about it.
3. Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear,
but what we are inside
So, try going out naked tomorrow and see the admiration!
4. Don't walk as if you rule the world,
walk as if you don't care who rules the world!
That's called Attitude…! Keep on rocking!
5. Every lady hopes.....
that her daughter will marry a better man than she did
and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!
6. He was a good man. He never smoked, drank had no affair.
When he died, the insurance company refused the claim.
They said, he who never lived, cannot die!
7. A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles?
He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles!
8. So many options for suicide:
Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building, lying on train tracks,
but we chose Marriage, slow sure!
9. Only 20 percent boys have brains, rest have girlfriends!
10. All desirable things in life are either
illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!
11. 10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving.
Which makes it a logical statement that
90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking!
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Sexy Bangkok Girls
Posted on: 11:35 pm on Oct. 24, 2009
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thewiz
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A nun and a Priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.
After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the Priest spoke. 'Well,Sister, this looks pretty grim.'
'I know, Father. In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two..'
'I agree,' says the Father. 'Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?'
'Anything, Father.'
'I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours.'
'Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm.'
The Nun opened her habit and the Priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.
'Sister, would you mind if I touched them?'.....she consented and he fondled them for several minutes.
'Father, could I ask something of you?'
'Yes, Sister?'
'I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?'
'I suppose that would be OK,' the Priest replied lifting his robe.
'Oh Father, may I touch it?'
The priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection.
'Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can Give Life.'
'Is that true Father?'
'Yes, it is, Sister.'
'Oh Father, that's wonderful... Stick it in the camel and let's get the hell out of here!'
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 11:37 pm on Oct. 24, 2009
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thewiz
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The train was packed, and the U. S. Marine Walked the entire length
looking for a seat, but a well-dressed, middle-aged, French woman's
poodle took the only remaining seat. The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?"
The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular,
"Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat."
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was
Under that dog.
"Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired."
She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!"
This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little
Dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.
The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honor! Put this American in his place!"
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, "Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand; you drive your vehicles on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window."
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Bangkok Women : Meet Beautiful Thai Girls
Posted on: 11:41 pm on Oct. 24, 2009
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thewiz
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If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?
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Thai Girls : Meet Active Thai Girls
Posted on: 6:56 am on Oct. 25, 2009
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thewiz
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A husband walks into Fredrick's of Hollywood to purchase some sheer lingerie for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price, the more sheer, the higher the price.
He opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500 and take the lingerie home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him.
Upstairs, the wife thinks, "I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be wearing nothing. I won't put it on, do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow and keep the $500 refund for myself."
So she appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.
The husband says, "Good Lord! You'd think that for $500, they'd at least iron it!"
He never heard the shot.
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 6:57 am on Oct. 25, 2009
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thewiz
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A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:
"Dear Wife: You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy.
I am otherwise happy with you as wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter,
I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant.
I'll be home before midnight.
-Your Husband"
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:
"Dear Husband: You, too, are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18- year-old pool boy.
Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 8:38 pm on Oct. 25, 2009
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