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james bond
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Dear Girls
For too long we men have been divided and conquered in the name of equality,
feminism and a host of other crap.
No more! The man fights back!!
Tell your friends, the 90's man is dead....
Long live the Man of 2009.
Listen up ladies, below is how it REALLY is.....
1. If you think you might be fat, you are. Don't ask us. Just get your arse
down to a gym.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put the bloody thing down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever. It causes unnecessary arguments when we dare
to comment on it.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can
find the perfect present... again.
5. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
6. Saturday = Football. Let it be.
7. Shopping is not a sport.
8. Anything you wear is fine. Really !!!.
9. Ask for what you want directly. Subtle hints don't work.
10. Face it, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point
blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
11. Most blokes own two to three pairs of shoes, so what makes you think
we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with
that particular dress?
12. 'Yes', 'No' and 'Mmm' are perfectly acceptable answers.
13. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
14. Your Mum doesn't have to be our best friend.
15. Check your oil. It is an essential part of car maintenance.
16. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months
we were going out.
17. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in a subsequent
argument.
18. It's not the dress that makes you look fat. It's all that bloody
chocolate you eat!!
19. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes
you sound jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter us from
reading them.
20. The male models with great bodies you see in magazines are all gay.
21. If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of these
ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
22. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we rate how pretty
you are?
23. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the
commercial breaks.
24. When we are in bed and look tired this means that we are tired and
definitely does not mean that we want to discuss the relationship.
25. If you want some dessert after a meal - have some. You don't HAVE to
finish it. You can just taste it if you like but don't say "No, I
couldn't/shouldn't/don't want any" and then eat half of mine.
26. Dieting doesn't work without exercise.
27. If you're on a diet it doesn't mean my meals should be rabbit food as
well.
28. A man's four essential food groups are: white meat, red meat, potatos
and cold beer. Please ensure all meals contain a good balance of the above
in acceptable quantities - everything else falls under the category
'garnish'.
29. Do not question our sense of direction.
Sincerely,
The Lads
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 4:23 am on Oct. 22, 2009
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james bond
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A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. "I'm sorry", says the pharmacist, "we don't have any." "But I always get it here," says the blonde. "Do you have the container it comes in?" "YES!", said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it." She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant." Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container, "TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM."
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Bangkok Women : Meet Sensual Bangkok Women
Posted on: 4:26 am on Oct. 22, 2009
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james bond
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Paddy & Mick are walking home after a night on the piss. They've got no money to get a taxi and are staggering all over the place when they find themselves outside the bus depot. Paddy has a brainwave and says to Mick "Get in there and steal a bus so we can drive home and I'll stay out here and look out for the police". Mick duly breaks into the garage and is gone for twenty minutes while Paddy is wondering what the hell he's doing. Eventually Paddy sticks his head around the door and sees Mick running from bus to bus to bus looking very worried. "What the bleedin' heck are you doing Mick, get a move on!" to which Mick replies "I can't find a number 27A anywhere Paddy" where upon Paddy, holding his hands to his head in disbelief, shouts "You f***ing idiot Mick, steal a number 42 and we'll get off at the roundabout and walk the rest of the way"
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 4:28 am on Oct. 22, 2009
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james bond
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The Priest and the Rabbi
An elderly priest invited a young rabbi over for dinner. During the meal, the young rabbi couldn't help noticing how attractive and shapely the housekeeper was. Over the course of the evening he began to wonder if there might be more between the elderly priest and the housekeeper than met the eye. Reading the young rabbi's thoughts, the elderly priest volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you my relationship with my housekeeper is purely professional. About a week later the housekeeper came to the elderly priest and said, "Father, ever since your young rabbi friend came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful sterling silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he took it do you?" The priest said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write him a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Rabbi: I'm not saying that you DID take a sterling silver gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you DIDN'T take it. But the fact remains that one had been missing ever since you were here." Several days later, a letter came from the Rabbi. It read: "Dear Father: I'm not saying that you DO sleep with your housekeeper, and I'm not saying that you DON"T sleep with your housekeeper. But the fact remains that if you were sleeping in your own bed, you would have found the gravy ladle by now."
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Sexy Bangkok Girls
Posted on: 4:31 am on Oct. 22, 2009
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jingjo
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Good One James push up bottom
A blond goes into an auto shop and asks I need a 710 cap for my car
The guy says what is that Miss? and scratches his head
The blond says you know the cap on top of the motor
The the guy twigs You mean an OIL cap 
Dumb blond reads it back the front.
Why do blonds smile when there's lighting?
They think someone is taking there picture.
This Fat woman walks into a 7/11 store with two kids
The Guy says oh Twins
The woman says no there 2 and 4
Why did you think there twins?
He said well I didn't think anyone would f*** you twice!
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 6:47 am on Oct. 22, 2009
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thewiz
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The children began to identify the flavours of LIFESAVERS by their color:
Red......................Cherry
Yellow.................Lemon
Green..................Lime
Orange...............Orange
Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. None
of the children could identify the taste.
The teacher said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your
mother may sometimes call your father.'
One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out
and yelled, 'Oh my God! They're ass-holes!
The teacher had to leave the room!
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Bangkok Women : Meet Beautiful Thai Girls
Posted on: 6:12 am on Oct. 24, 2009
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thewiz
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An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'.
And so on and so forth...
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in
the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight. Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go up stairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
"They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.
He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 6:18 am on Oct. 24, 2009
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thewiz
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These are genuine clips from letters sent to the Council Housing Department in Britain...............
My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing on it.
He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
It's the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.
I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
I wish to report that the tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
50% of the wall are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50 % are just plain filthy.
I am still having problems with smoke in my drawers.
The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.
I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
I have had the Clerk of Works down on the floor six times but still I have no satisfaction.
This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.
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Thai Girls : Meet Active Thai Girls
Posted on: 10:57 pm on Oct. 24, 2009
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thewiz
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Men strike back!
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
Them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
Build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 11:00 pm on Oct. 24, 2009
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thewiz
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Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and confided to the bartender, "I'm so pissed off!"
"Oh yeah? What happened?" asked the bartender politely.
"See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just about to make love when her damn husband came thru the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and was hanging from the ledge by my fingernails!"
"Gee, that's tough," commiserated the bartender.
"Right, but that's not what really got me,"
The customer went on. "When her husband came into the room he said 'Hey great! You're naked already! Let me just take a leak.'
And damned if the lazy son of a bitch didn't piss out the window right onto my head?"
"Yeech!" the bartender shook his head. "No wonder you're in a lousy mood."
"Yeah, but I haven't told you what really, really got to me.
Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished, the husband tossed his condom out of the window.
And where does it land? My damned forehead!"
"Damn, that's awful!" says the bartender.
"Oh, I'm not finished. See what really pissed me off was when the husband had to take a dump. It turns out that their toilet is broken, so he stuck his ass out of the window and let loose right on my head!"
The bartender paled. "That would sure mess up my day."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," the fellow rattled on, "But do you know what REALLY, REALLY, REALLY pissed me off?
When I looked down and saw that my feet were only SIX inches off the ground."
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 11:02 pm on Oct. 24, 2009
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