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jingjo
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Good Stuff Guys! LOL
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Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle. They head to the bird section
and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem."
The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take four of
dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere, " says Gerry.
The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box. Paddy and Gerry pay for the
birds leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the
Connor Pass.
At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, "Dis
looks like a grand place. "
He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps
off the cliff. Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the
way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.
Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says,
"Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!
THERE'S MORE...
Moment's later, Seamus arrives up at Connor Pass. He's been to the pet shop
too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in
one hand and a shotgun in the other.
"Hi, Paddy. Watch dis," Seamus says. He takes a parrot from the box and lets
him fly free. He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the
gun. Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the
parrot. Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom
and breaks every bone in his body. Paddy shakes his head and says, "And I'm
never trying dat parrotshooting either! "
IT IS NOT OVER YET..
Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean
appears. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out
of which he pulls a chicken.
Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and
disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine. Once
more Paddy shakes his head. "Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his
budgiejumping, den Seamus parrotshooting... and now Sean and his fook'n
hengliding!
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 7:14 pm on Oct. 13, 2009
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thewiz
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"TENJOOBERRYMUDS"...
By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND "TENJOOBERRYMUDS"...and be ready for China.
In order to continue getting-by in China, we need to learn English the way it is spoken.......................
Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term "TENJOOBERRYMUDS".
With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in.
Now, here goes...
The following is a telephonic exchange between maybe you as a hotel guest and call room-service today......
Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees."
Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."
Room Service: " Rye. Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???"
Guest: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs."
Room Service: "Ow July den?"
Guest: ".....What??"
Room Service: "Ow July den?!?.. Pryed, boyud, poochd?"
Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. Scrambled, please."
Room Service: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"
Guest: "Crisp will be fine."
Room Service: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"
Guest: "What?"
Room Service: "An toes. July Sahn toes?"
Guest: "I.... Don't think so.."
RoomService: "No? Judo wan sahn toes???"
Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."
RoomService: "Toes! Toes!...Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"
Guest: "Oh, English muffin! !! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'... Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
RoomService: "We bodder?"
Guest: "No, just put the bodder on the side."
RoomService: "Wad?!?"
Guest: "I mean butter... Just put the butter on the side."
RoomService: "Copy?"
Guest: "Excuse me?"
RoomService: "Copy...tea..meel?"
Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... And that's everything."
RoomService: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy... Rye ??"
Guest: "Whatever you say."
RoomService: "Tenjooberrymuds."
Guest: "You're welcome"
Remember I said "By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND 'TENJOOBERRYMUDS' "......and you do, don't you!
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Bangkok Women : Meet Sensual Bangkok Women
Posted on: 4:17 am on Oct. 15, 2009
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thewiz
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A Chinese family of five -- named Chu, Bu, Hu, Su and Fu -- decided to migrate to the United States.
They were told to Americanize their names.
Chu became Chuck
Bu became Buck.
Hu became Huck
Su and Fu decided to remain in China!
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 4:21 am on Oct. 15, 2009
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thewiz
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A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, 'I have a headache.'
'Perfect,' her husband said,' I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally, or as a Suppository - it's up to you.'
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Sexy Bangkok Girls
Posted on: 7:50 pm on Oct. 16, 2009
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thewiz
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WOMEN!!!!!!
1. (Whatever)
Men: What should we have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why dont we have Mexican?
Women: No not Mexican, the last time I got pimples on my face
Men: Alright, why dont we have Si Chuan cuisine
Women: Yesterday we ate Si Chuan, today too?
Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood is not good, I got diarrhoea
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women : Whatever..
2. (Anything)
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching a movie? It's been a long time
Women: Watching movie is no good, it's a waste of time
Men: How about we go for bowling, or some exercises?
Women: Exercise on such a hot day?
Men: Then find a cafe' and have a drink
Women: I am off caffeine
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women: Anything
3. (You decide)
Men: Then do we just go home?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's take the bus, I will accompany you
Women: The Bus is dirty and crowded.
Men: Ok we will take a cab
Women: Not worth it... for such a short distance
Men: All right, then we can walk. We can enjoy the weather
Women: I am hungry, can't walk.
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's have dinner first
Women: Whatever...
Men: Eat what?
Women: Anything...
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 8:49 pm on Oct. 16, 2009
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expatchuck
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Testicle Therapy
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men.
He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me', she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.
She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?
He replied: 'It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken!'
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Bangkok Women : Meet Beautiful Thai Girls
Posted on: 10:33 pm on Oct. 16, 2009
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thewiz
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A father put his three year old daughter to bed,
Told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying
"God bless Mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma and good-bye grandpa."
The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing todo."
The next day grandpa died.
The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and
listened to her prayers, which went like this:
"God bless Mommy, God Bless daddy and good-bye grandma.."
The next day the grandmother died.
Oh my god, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say,
"God bless Mommy and good-bye daddy."
He practically went into shock.
He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his
office.
He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock.
He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day
he stayed there,
looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.
Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said
"I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"
He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened
HERE.
He asked "What"??????
She said "This morning our neighbor James suddenly died
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 10:59 pm on Oct. 16, 2009
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thewiz
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There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club. After a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole.
Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:
(H - Husband, W - Wife)
H - 'Hello?'
W - 'Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?'
H - 'Yes.'
W -'Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful leather coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?'
H -'What's the price?'
W - 'Only $1,000.'
H - 'Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much...'
W -'Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2005 models. I saw one I really liked. It's a SLK model.. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price. and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year...
H - 'What price did he quote you?'
W - 'Only $65,000...'
H - 'OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.'
W - 'Great! But before we hang up, something else...
H -'What?'
W - 'It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's for sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beach front property.'
H - 'How much are they asking?'
W - 'Only $450,000 -- a magnificent price...and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover...'
H - 'Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid up to $420,000. OK?'
W - 'OK, sweetie...Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!'
H - 'Bye...I love you too...'
The man hangs up & closes the phone's flap. The other men are looking at him in astonishment and derision. The husband raises his hand while holding the phone and asks 'Does anyone know who this Cell phone belong to???'
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Thai Girls : Meet Active Thai Girls
Posted on: 11:12 pm on Oct. 16, 2009
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thewiz
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Everybody who has a dog calls him 'Rover' or 'Boy.' I call mine Sex.
Now Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said, 'I'd like to have one, too.' Then I said,'But this is a dog!' He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, 'But you don't understand. I've had Sex since I was nine years old.' He said I must have been quite a kid.
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He said every room in the place was for sex. I said, 'You don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night!' The clerk said, 'Me too.'
One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. 'But you don't understand,' I said, 'I had hoped to have Sex on TV.' He called me a show-off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight custody of the dog. I said, 'Your honour, I had Sex before I was married.' The judge said, 'Me too.' Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said, 'Me too.'
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, 'What are you doing in this alley at 4:00 in the morning?' I said, 'I'm looking for Sex.'
My case comes up Friday
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 11:19 pm on Oct. 16, 2009
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thewiz
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I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired?'
Well...I'm fortunate to have a few friends who have chemical engineering backgrounds, and one of the things we enjoy most is turning beer, wine, scotch, and voBKa into urine.
And, we're damn good at it too!
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 11:23 pm on Oct. 16, 2009
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