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atl
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Kay your joke reminded me of one I heard a loooooong time ago, let me see if I remember it:
3 missionaries are on a mission in Africa and are in a new part of the territory and come across a very primative tribe and they are taken captive...
The chief speaks broken English and after a tribal hearing the chief announces to the 3 catholic men in his best English "You men choose Death or Boom Boom!!!"
they seperate the men and the first minister is in shackles and asked one to one "Death or Boom Boom?"
he thinks to himself "I am here to serve the Lord and I wish to continue and I can't die now!" so without knowing what Boom Boom is he says "I choose Boom Boom!"
at that moment an 8 foot tall black man appears and the minister of the lord is tied to a stump, at which time the African pulls out his 18 inch dick and proceeds to f*** this guy in the ass so hard the man passes out 10 seconds into it from the pain! so they pick his unconscious body up and put it in a tent...
The next minister comes up and the same question is asked "Death or Boom Boom?" the man of the cloth also has no idea what boom boom is and chooses the same as his brother....
he is the tied to the stump and the same man appears with a rock hard 18 inch dick and proceeds to de-virginize the man's ass and he screams a scream that would wake the dead and the last minister hears his brothers howls of pain.....after passing out in pain he is taken to the same tent...
so the last minister is dragged into the forefront and asked "Death or Boom Boom?"
Having heard the screams of horror from his last brother but knowing nothing about the circumstances he thinks to himself, "I am here on a mission from the Lord but cant imagine facing such pain, and I have done my best for the lord in this life and this is my time to meet my Lord!" so he declares "DEATH!"
the tribe is taken aback and circles around this strong willed man and the chief stands over him and says, "You want Death?" and the minister says "Yes, I choose death, as I cant bear the pain my brothers have endured!"
so the chief bangs his staff into the ground 3 times and declares, "such is your fate, now DEATH by BOOM BOOM!!!!!"
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It went something like that but it has been 15 years since I heard it and that last joke reminded me of it 
atl
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 8:57 pm on Oct. 2, 2009
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thewiz
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The Philosophy of Ambiguity
1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.
2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.
3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.
6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
8. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"
12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
15. WHY DO THEY LOCK PETROL STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?
16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?
21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?
24. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?
25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?
30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASTEROIDS"?
31. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?
32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
33. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?
34. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
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Bangkok Women : Meet Sensual Bangkok Women
Posted on: 6:56 pm on Oct. 4, 2009
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thewiz
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TWENTY NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE
1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2. I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5. Don't take life too seriously. No one gets out alive.
6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9. I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are just missing.
10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck- is-the-room- spinning medicine.
12.. God must love stupid people. He made so many..
13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16.. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
18. Procrastinate Now!
19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts.Do You Want Fries With That?
20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23.They call it PMS because MCD Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory..
26... Ham and eggs....A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
29.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 8:40 pm on Oct. 5, 2009
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expatchuck
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Larry's In The Hospital, Room 232.
Ok, you are asking who in the hell is "Larry".
Larry gets home late one night and, Linda, his wife says, "Where in the hell have you been?"
Larry replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."
"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a hundred dollar bill tattoed on my penis." he said proudly.
'What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disgust. "Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred-dollar bill tattooed on his penis?"
"Well, One, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of you
going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."
Larry is recovering in room 232 at the Hospital.
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Sexy Bangkok Girls
Posted on: 10:29 pm on Oct. 5, 2009
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james bond
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Here is a joke. It's vaguely mysoginistic, but that adds to the amusement.
A married woman left work early one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home, however, she squandered the weekend, (and her pay cheque) partying with the girls. When she finally returned home on Sunday night, she ran into a barrage of abuse from her husband.
After a couple of hours of nagging and berating, her husband asked "How would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of days?". "That would suit me just fine!!" the woman said. Monday went by,and the woman didn't see her husband. Tuesday and Wednesday went by with the same result. Come Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and she could see him a little, just out of the corner of her left eye.
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 4:26 am on Oct. 6, 2009
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james bond
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Speeding
Subject: The next time you're speeding, remember this!
A police officer pulls a bloke over for speeding and has the
following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended for exceeding.05
Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw
the registration in the glove box when I was putting my gun in
there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes mate. That's where I put it after I shot and killed
the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the boot.
Officer: There's a BODY in the BOOT?!?!?
Driver: Yes, mate.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his back up. The car
was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the
driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration papers.
The driver owned the car.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if
there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was
nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your boot? I was told you said
there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Boot is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said
you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a
gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the boot.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying bastard told you I was
speeding, as well.
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Bangkok Women : Meet Beautiful Thai Girls
Posted on: 4:30 am on Oct. 6, 2009
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thewiz
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An Older Joke
When Bill and Hillary first got married, Bill said, "I am putting a
box under our bed. You must promise never to look in it."
In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. However, on
the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the better of
her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box there were 3
empty beer cans and $10,874.25 in cash.
After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her guilt and she
confessed, saying, "I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my
promise and never looked in the box under our bed. However, today the
temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know why do
you keep the empty cans in the box?"
Bill thought for a while and said, "I guess that after all these years
you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put
an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do
it again."
Hillary was shocked, but said, "I am very disappointed and saddened,
but I guess after all those years away from home on the road,
temptation does happen and I guess that 3 times is not that bad
considering the number of years we've been together."
They hugged and made their peace. A little while later, Hillary asked
Bill, "So why do you have all that money in the box?"
Bill answered, "Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I
took them to the recycling center and redeemed them for cash."
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 5:10 am on Oct. 6, 2009
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thewiz
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A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost.
She reduced altitude and spotted a man below.
She descended a bit more and shouted,
'Excuse me Sir, Can you help me?
I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am.'
The man below replied,'You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41degrees North latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees West longitude.'
'You must be an Engineer,' said the Lady Balloonist.
'I am', replied the man. 'How did you know?'
'Well', answered the Balloonist, 'Everything you told me is technically
correct, but I have no idea20what to make of your information, and the fact
is I'm still lost'.
Frankly, you have not been much help to me at all. If anything, you've
delayed my trip even more.'
The man below responded, 'You must be in Management.'
'I am,' replied the lady balloonist, 'but, how did you know?'
'Well,' said the man, "You don't know where you are, or where you're going.
You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air within.
You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people
beneath you, to solve your problems, and you are prompt to blame others for
your fate and stupid deeds.
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 3:56 am on Oct. 10, 2009
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thewiz
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Single
1. Single means you have the time to grow and be the person you want to be.
2. Single gives you space to grow. It is harder to grow when you are too close to someone.
3. Single means learning to live by yourself.
4. Single means freedom.
5. Single means learning not to need a man/woman to make your life meaningful.
6. Single is realizing that being married is not necessarily better.
7. Single means that there could be something wonderful around the corner and you can take advantage of it.
8. Single means you are free to love again.
9. Single means you have more time to care for other people.
MARRIAGE
1. Marriage is not a word, but a sentence. (Life sentence)
2. Marriage is very much like a violin, after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.
3. Marriage is love, love is blind.Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.
4. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's and the woman gets he Masters.
5. Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.
6. Marriage is not just having a wife but also inherited worries forever.
7. Marriage requires a man to purchase 4 types of "Ring" engagement ring, wedding ring, suffe-ring and enduring.
8. Marriage life is full of excitement and frustration.
In the first year, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
And in the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
9. It is true that love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
10. Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends.
You ordered what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wished you had ordered that.
11. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking, the husband gives and the wife takes.
12. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
13. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 3:57 am on Oct. 10, 2009
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