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thewiz
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THE MAGIC PENIS
A businessman was preparing to go on a long business trip, so he
thought he'd buy his wife something to keep her occupied. He went
to a sex shop and explained his situation. The man there said,
'Well, I don't know that I have anything that will keep her
occupied for so many weeks, except... the Magic Penis!'
The husband said, 'The what'?
The man repeated, 'The Magic Penis,' and pulled out what seemed to
be an ordinary dildo.
The husband laughed, and said, 'It looks like a dildo!' The man
then pointed to the door and said, 'Magic Penis, door!'
The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and started
pounding away at the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with
vibrations, so much so, that a crack began to form down the middle.
Then the man said, 'Magic Penis, return to box!' and the penis
stopped and returned to the box.
The husband bought it and took it home to his wife. After the
husband had been gone a few days, the wife remembered the Magic
Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said, 'Magic Penis, my
crotch.'
The penis shot to her crotch. It was absolutely incredible. After
three mind shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and
decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was
stuck. Her husband had neglected to tell her how to turn it off so
she put her clothes on, got in her car and started for the closest
hospital.
On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all
over the road. A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her
over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had
to drink.
Gasping and twitching, the woman said, 'I haven't had anything to
drink officer You see, I've got this Magic Penis thing stuck in my
crotch and it won't stop screwing me.'
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and replied,
' YEAH RIGHT... MAGIC PENIS MY ASS... !!!!
The rest, as they say, is HISTORY.
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 7:15 am on Sep. 22, 2009
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thewiz
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A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a Bar in Dublin. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit, as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, 'What man here will buy a lady a drink?'
The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed ' Give the ballerina a drink!'
The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, 'What man here will buy a lady a drink?'
Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, 'Give the ballerina another drink!'
The bartender approached the little drunk and said 'Tell me, Paddy, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?'
The drunk replied, 'Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!'
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Bangkok Women : Meet Sensual Bangkok Women
Posted on: 7:22 am on Sep. 22, 2009
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Mr Alan
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In the mid 1800's the Los Angeles Diocese of the Catholic church decided to send a priest to Phoenix Arizona to start a Parish there. After about one year in Phoenix, the priest returned to Los Angeles to report his progress to the Bishop.
Bishop: How are things progressing with the new Parish in Phoenix?
Priest: Not very well.
Bishop: Why is that?
Priest: Because the people who live in Phoenix in the winter are very wealthy and don't want to hear about Heaven, and the people who live there in the summer are not afraid of Hell.
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Thai Girls : Meet Sexy Thai Girls
Posted on: 11:42 am on Sep. 22, 2009
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SHEIKH14
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Three hicks were working on a telephone tower - Steve, Bruce and Jed. Steve falls off and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."
Jed says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of beer.
Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Jed?"
"Steve's wife gave it to me," Jed replies.
"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?"
Well, not exactly", Jed says. "When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Steve's widow'."
She said, "No, I'm not a widow!"
And I said, "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are.
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Sexy Bangkok Girls
Posted on: 1:05 pm on Sep. 22, 2009
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SHEIKH14
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A young newlywed was preparing a ham for Christmas dinner. She
carefully cut off the end of the ham before placing it in the pan
for baking.
Her husband asked her, "Why did you cut off the end of the ham?"
And she replied, "I really don't know, but my mother always did,
so I thought you were supposed to."
Later, when talking to her mother, she asked her why she cut off
the end of the ham before baking it, and her mother replied,
"I really don't know, but that's the way my mom always did it."
A few weeks later while visiting her grandmother, the young woman
asked, "Grandma, why is it that you cut off the end of a ham
before you bake it?"
Her grandmother replied,
"Well dear, it would never fit into my baking pan."
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 1:09 pm on Sep. 22, 2009
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atl
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I told this one the Z a long time ago, but is a goodie:
A businessman is sitting in first class awaiting a trip to las vegas and as the last few passengers are coming aboard a gorgeous half asian, half western woman with a huge rack and professionally dressed stops at his aisle and puts her bag in the overhead and sits down with a nice smile at him....
so as the plane gets ready for take off he is thinking to himself, "this is the most amazing looking chick, just be cool and play this pefect!"
so after take off he says to her, "are you going to vegas for business or pleasure?"
lady, "Oh business, for the most part, I am the keynote speaker at the sex conference which starts tomorrow."
businessman, "wow, I didnt realize that was going on, what are speaking about!"
lady, "well I am a sex counselor and they have asked me to highlight a section from my book about sexual myths, specifically debunking many misconcieved stereotypes."
businessman, "interesting, what myths are popularly misconcieved?"
lady, "well, just off the top of my head the fact that black men are the most well endowed is rather popular and yet untrue, it is actually the American Indian that possess that trait for the most part!"
businessman, "wow, I did not know that! what is another one?"
lady, "well many feel that French men are the most romantic, and from my research I have discovered that Greek men are actually the most consumed with romance!"
businessman, "damn, you are a wealth of knowledge as that one is new to me as well!"
lady, "I feel awkward talking about this with you as I dont even know your name and we will be sitting next to one another for the next few hours!"
businessman, offering a handshake says, "The name's Tonto, Tonto Poppadopolous!"
atl
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Bangkok Women : Meet Beautiful Thai Girls
Posted on: 7:57 pm on Sep. 22, 2009
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thewiz
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A farmer got in his truck and drove to a neighbouring farm and knocked at the farmhouse door.
A young boy, about nine, opened the door.
"Is your Dad home"? the farmer asked.
"Sorry mate, he isn't" the boy replied. "He went into town."
"Well," said the farmer, "Is your mum here"?
"No, sir, she's not here either. She went into town with Dad."
"How about your brother, Greg? Is he here"?
"He went with Mum and Dad."
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to theother and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do for ya"? the boy asked politely. "I know where all the tools are if you want to borrow one. Or maybe, I could take a message for Dad."
"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Greg getting my daughter pregnant."
The boy considered for a moment.
"You'd have to talk to Dad about that," he finally conceded.
"If it helps you any, I know that Dad charges $200 for the bull and $150 for the pig, but I really don't know how much he gets for Greg."
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 11:17 pm on Sep. 22, 2009
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MickTheKick
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When the doctor says "Next!" a skeleton walks in.
The doc looks at him, sighs and says:" You're pretty tardy..."
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Thai Girls : Meet Active Thai Girls
Posted on: 3:00 am on Sep. 23, 2009
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SHEIKH14
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The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone
rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened. When
he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good
news. "Ma," he shouted, "the results are in. I won the election!"
"Honestly?"
The politician's smiled faded. "Aw hell, ma, why bring that up at a time
like this?"
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Thai Women : Meet Matured Thai Women
Posted on: 4:57 am on Sep. 23, 2009
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james bond
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BASIC BAR TRANSLATIONS
1. "YOU GET THIS ONE, NEXT ROUND IS ON ME."
(We won't be here long enough to get another round.)
2. "I'LL GET THIS ONE, NEXT ONE IS ON YOU."
(Happy hour is about to end... beers are now a dollar, but by
the next round they'll be $4.50 a pop.)
3. "HEY, WHERE IS THAT FRIEND OF YOURS?"
(I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your
attractive friend into a compromising position.)
4. "WHAT DO YOU HAVE ON TAP?"
(What's cheap?)
5. "I'LL HAVE A GLASS OF HOUSE WHITE." (FEMALE)
(I'm easy.)
6. "I'LL HAVE A GLASS OF HOUSE WHITE." (MALE)
(I'm gay.)
7. "I'LL HAVE AN AMARETTO & OJ." (FEMALE)
(I'm really easy.)
8. "I'LL HAVE AN AMARETTO & OJ." (MALE)
(I'm really gay.)
9. "DO YOU HAVE ANY SAMBUCA?"
(I want to make my friend really sick so we can all laugh at
him in the morning.)
10. "EVER TRY A BODY SHOT?" (MALE TO FEMALE)
(I am even willing to drink tequila if it means I get to lick you.)
11. "EVER TRY A BODY SHOT?" (FEMALE TO MALE)
(If this is how wild I am in the bar, can you imagine what I'll
do to you in bed?)
12. "CAN I JUST GET A GLASS OF WATER?" (FEMALE)
(I am really annoying, but cute enough to get away with this.)
13. "CAN I JUST GET A GLASS OF WATER?" (MALE)
(It's 6:00 am and I just stopped drinking an hour ago. Hell, I
probably spent half my paycheck in here last night, it is the least
you can do for me.)
14. "I DON'T FEEL WELL, LET'S GO HOME." (FEMALE)
(You're paying more attention to your friends than to me.)
15. "I DON'T FEEL WELL, LET'S GO HOME." (MALE)
(I'm horny.)
16. "WHO'S GOT THE NEXT ROUND?"
(I haven't bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at
diverting attention.)
17. "EXCUSE ME." (MALE TO MALE)
(Get the hell out of the way.)
18. "EXCUSE ME." (MALE TO FEMALE)
(I am going to grope you now and blame it on the crowd.)
19. "EXCUSE ME." (FEMALE TO MALE)
(Don't even think about groping me, just get the hell out of my
way.)
20. "EXCUSE ME." (FEMALE TO FEMALE)
(Move your fat ass. Who do you think you are anyway? You're
certainly not all that, missy, coming in here dressed like a ho...
And get your eyes off of my man, or I'll slap you like the slut
you are, bitch.)
21. "THAT PERSON LOOKS REALLY FAMILIAR."
(Did I sleep with him/her?)
22. "I DON'T HAVE MY ID ON ME." (FEMALE)
(I'm 16.)
23. "I DON'T HAVE MY ID ON ME." (MALE)
(I don't have a license since I got pulled over and blew a.4 after my last visit here.)
24. "NO, REALLY, I'M OK TO DRIVE."
(I'm wasted, and I'm too embarrassed to have anybody see who I'm going home with.)
25. "I'M NOT USED TO THESE DARTS."
(I can't throw anything smaller than a pool cue when I'm this bombed.)
26. "LET'S GO OUT TO MY CAR AND GET SOME CIGARETTES." (MALE TO FEMALE)
(You would look great face down in my lap.)
27. "I'VE HAD LIKE 10 BEERS ALREADY."
(I've only had 3 but need an excuse to behave this way.)
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Bangkok Girls : Meet Attractive Thai Girls
Posted on: 5:24 am on Sep. 23, 2009
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